Okay, let's see if we've got the connections right, here... The Drew Carey Show is on ABC. ABC is owned by Disney. Disney is buddy-buddy with Pixar. Pixar is run by Steve Jobs. Steve happens to be the iCEO of Apple. And Apple makes QuickTime, a digital media architecture that can stream video right over the Internet. Have we got all that correct?

So when we heard that tonight's episode of The Drew Carey Show was going to be simulcast over the Internet as part of a Sweeps Month promotional stunt, our razor-sharp minds made all those connections instantaneously-- and we figured, hey, there's a pretty good chance that the web side of the show might be available as a QuickTime stream. At the very worst, we assumed that we'd have to fire up RealPlayer and put up with a slightly grainier picture. Imagine our surprise, then, when we surfed on over to the ABC's pre-show site a half-hour before the episode started to see what we needed to do to prepare. It said we'd need a TV. (Check. Duh.) It told us we needed at least a 4.0 version of either Netscape or Internet Explorer. (Check.) It said we'd need Microsoft Windows Media Player. (Uh oh.)

That's right, the only way to participate in the full-on multimedia immersive DrewCast was to use Microsoft's streaming video architecture. There was no QuickTime, and there wasn't even the typically ubiquitous RealVideo option-- we're talking Windows Media only. Now, despite what you may be thinking as a logical and relatively sane individual, that didn't necessarily leave Mac-using Drew fans out in the cold; there is a Macintosh version of Windows Media Player available to download. (And yes, it's still called Windows Media Player, and before you ask why, just keep telling yourself that we're talking about Microsoft, here.) The catch is that the Mac version of Windows Media Player is still in beta. Given how unstable released versions of Microsoft software seem to make our Macs, we figured we'd give it a miss.

And so, we stuck strictly with the tube-jockey portion of tonight's Drew, baffled as to the sudden Windows bias of the otherwise seemingly Mac-friendly ABC. During the show we spotted Mimi's usual Grape iMac, a new Blueberry iBook in Drew's house (complete with an accurate $1599 price tag-- who woulda guessed that Winfred-Louder was an authorized Apple dealer?), and several iMac commercials which aired throughout the evening. All that did was make the Media-Player-only webcast seem that much more bizarre. After all, Disney's even one of the channels on QuickTime TV. So whose nutty idea was it to use only Microsoft media for this historic event? Somebody oughta get canned...

You know, you really just have to love these iMac copycat companies. First they figure they'll score some easy sales without expending an ounce of creative energy or a penny on industrial design research by swiping Apple's design and slapping it on top of a Wintel core. Then they act all shocked and outraged when Apple sues them. And then when the court grants Apple a preliminary injunction barring the sale of the iMac ripoffs until the case is resolved, those poor companies have to put a little thought into coming up with a way to change the products just enough to get around that pesky court order. Case in point? Sotec (the Japanese company that makes the eOne that eMachines is selling here in the States) ditched the translucent blue and white and went for a blueish silver instead. So the new eOne obviously doesn't infringe on Apple's trade dress rights, because now instead of possibly being mistaken for an iMac, the eOne could only be mistaken for an iMac that's been hit with a coat of silver spray paint.

And hey, guess what? Now that it's been over a week since Apple won an injunction against Future Power barring the sale of the ePower, too, the knockoff-maker's finally decided what to do: it's going to follow right in Sotec's footsteps. According to an article in The Register, Future Power is revamping the ePower to look "less like the iMac." Spray paint cans at the ready, folks. But wait-- what's this? Apparently Future Power's going the extra mile and is actually planning to change something other than the color of the case. The new ePower "sports a much squarer shell in a platinum grey casing... with a pastel-coloured oval on each side." Mmmm, sounds very, uh, interesting. That oughta shut up those fascist Apple lawyers; this new ePower could never be confused with an iMac, by virtue of the fact that Future Power's new design sounds downright ugly. There's no picture, so we can't say for sure, but if that's Future Power's strategy to avoid litigation, well, we think they're onto something.

What absolutely kills us, though, is the way that Future Power continues to claim that the ePower's original (and we mean that in the loosest sense of the word) design was not a copy of the iMac, and any similarity was simply a coincidence. After all, "it's got a different processor and a floppy drive," so how could it be an iMac copy? "There's only so many ways you can design an all-in-one," according to Future Power's spokesman. Uh-huh. Yet, strangely enough, the ePower didn't turn out looking just like the original Macintosh 128. Or the Twentieth Anniversary Macintosh. Or the Power Mac G3 All-in-one. C'mon, guys, we're all adults, here-- just admit you boosted the iMac's design and move on. And for those of you who are hoping that Future Power hasn't totally lost its copycat nerve, fear not-- the new ePower will be available in blue, red, green, and orange. What, no Gra-- uh, purple? We bet next year's ePower Special Edition will come in an all-over dazzling hue called "grey."

Redmond, we have a problem: Bill Gates might be losing his nerve. See, we've been relying on his Montana-sized ego to protect us from an abrupt, premature, and anticlimactic ending to the ongoing antitrust drama known as "Redmond Justice." Whereas any sane CEO faced with findings of fact as harsh as Judge Jackson's would probably accept the first settlement offer dropped on the table ("Split the company into twenty warring city-states and make all engineers wear Groucho glasses? Where do I sign?"), we were counting on the bullheadedness only an $80 billion net worth can bring to reject any and all settlements in favor of a fight to the finish.

Unfortunately, as faithful viewer Tim Rzeznik notes, it's starting to look like Bill is giving up. First, in a Time interview, when asked about whether he'd consider a settlement that involved a breakup of Microsoft, Gates made dodgy statements like "I can't go down the path of saying what the settlement would be," according to a Reuters article. And then another article says that in an interview on today's Good Morning America, when faced with similar questions, His Royal Billness said he's open to "any sort of resolution" and is "curious" and "willing to discuss" such options. Yikes. You don't suppose that maybe he only just got around to reading Judge Jackson's findings of fact over the weekend or something, do you? It sounds like he might be a bit spooked.

So this has us a little shaken. It's bad enough to see the world's richest man acting slightly subdued and possibly even a bit humbled-- but if it also means we're going to be robbed of an honest-to-goodness courtroom verdict scene to wrap up two years of the finest antitrust drama ever shown, well, that would be an absolute tragedy. Is Bill's new attitude adjustment a subtle ruse, as Tim suggests? Or is this really the picture of a beaten man? Only time-- and the next episode-- will tell...