You know, with all these, um, "questionable" rumors flying around about 17" iMacs and Apple-branded Palm devices, you may be wondering if there are any Macworld Expo rumors with a hint more likelihood to them. Wonder no more, because at least one Apple product introduction is virtually a lock: a new PowerBook. The latest edition of The O'Grady Files lays out all the reasons why "Pismo," the next professional portable slated to emerge from Apple's labs, is almost definitely going to join Uncle Steve on stage in San Francisco in a few weeks.

Consider this: out of the four Macs representing Apple's Magical Grid O' Products™, which one has gone longest without an update? Here's a few hints for those not paying attention: it's not the iBook, which just debuted a few short months ago; it's not the iMac, which celebrated its rebirth back in October; and it's not the Power Mac, which was promoted to supercomputer status in late August or so. Here's one more hint for the truly slow, drunk, and/or sleep-deprived: it's the PowerBook. Today's "bronze" PowerBook G3 was introduced way back in May, and it lacks many features present in Apple's three newer product lines, like built-in AirPort compatibility and a motherboard based around the UMA architecture. It also lags severely in the translucence department, sporting a cool root beer-like keyboard, but matte black plastics otherwise. Yup, it's time for a whole new PowerBook, and where better to unveil it than at Macworld Expo?

As for what to expect when "Pismo" makes its first appearance, well, that's a matter of great speculation. O'Grady's sources are generally pretty correct, though, so we won't be surprised if "Pismo" sports an all-new iBook-like clamshell enclosure, built-in FireWire, and maybe even a 15" display. It's also rumored that "Pismo" will be the first PowerBook to have a magnesium frame since the Duo, granting it a carrying weight of only five pounds. Feast your eyes on the PowerPage PismoPage for more details. How do you like them Apples?

Don't get us wrong; while we sort of miss the constant adrenaline rush of supporting a company poised to collapse into dust at any moment, we wouldn't trade Apple's newfound stability for the "Scary Years" for anything. Sure, there was a lot more drama back then, but we'll accept a certain amount of tranquility (and yes, even boredom) in exchange for an Apple not about to spontaneously combust and go down in flames. If Apple disappeared overnight, we'd have to make our current Macs last until we die, and we don't relish the thought of technological stasis, thank you very much. So yeah, we're glad that Apple's healthy, even though things are significantly less soap-operaesque as a result.

There was one aspect of the "Scary Years" that we really liked, though-- not too long before Commander Steve returned and set his sights on the cloners, cheeky upstarts Power Computing gave the Mac platform a brief lead in the Megahertz Wars. Remember the exhilaration we all felt when the PowerTower Pro 225 beat out Intel's fastest Pentium Pro by a cool 25 MHz? Heck, we still have one of those posters with Sluggo's evil twin shouting, "Let's Kick Intel's Ass!" It was a giddy time, to be sure. Sadly, Power Computing suffered an ignominious defeat in the Clone Wars a year later, and now, by its own choice, Apple fights the Megahertz Wars alone. And, to be frank, it's getting its butt kicked all over the map. AIM partners IBM and Motorola just haven't been able to keep pace with Intel and AMD when it comes to raw clock speed, and consequently, Apple's fastest G4 model runs at an embarrassing 300 MHz less than the Wintel world's speediest chips.

And now the gap's about to widen still further. With Intel and AMD locked in mortal battle, clock speeds are spiralling up into the stratosphere; CNET reports that Intel's about to release an 800 MHz Pentium III ahead of schedule in order to report a "symbolic" victory over AMD and its Athlon chip, which recently hit 750 MHz. Meanwhile, according to Mac OS Rumors (the key word there being "rumors"), with luck, we may see G4s as high as 600 MHz demonstrated at next month's Macworld Expo, though 550 MHz is more likely. And the "G4+," which will reach clock speeds of 750 MHz to 1 GHz, won't ship until the second calendar quarter at best. That means that six months from now, the PowerPC might just manage to reach clock speeds as high as Intel and AMD have today. Depressed yet?

We know, we know: "Who cares?" Yes, the G4 with its lower clock speed is still very competitive when it comes to performance; in some applications, a single G4 beats out multiple Pentiums, each running at a higher clock speed, so what's the big deal? Yeah, and size doesn't matter. It's all about perception, folks; as long as the Mac ads make Joe Schmoe think that Wintels are "300 MHz faster" than a similarly-priced Mac, Apple's just not going to reach a critical mass and really start regaining serious market share. And no, we don't have a solution (unless multiple-processor G4 systems will be dirt-cheap). We're just venting. Sorry to bring you down, but hey, this is a soap opera after all-- it ain't all sunshine and puppy dogs. Just be thankful Steve doesn't discover that Mike Dell is his long-lost half-brother... (shudder)

See, now this could get interesting... Here we have the iBook, a marvel of modern design. While it's reportedly too big to operate comfortably on a plane, it is a portable, and that's one of the things people are expected to do with portables. You've all been there-- you're on the plane, it reaches cruising altitude, and all the guys in suits unsheath their company-issued black laptops, fire 'em up, and make a brief pretense of "working" by firing up Microsoft Office and reading a couple of documents before playing Solitaire for the rest of the flight (or as long as their batteries will allow). It's like a business ritual to establish the laptop pecking order, or something; he who has the most expensive laptop is the Alpha-Suit.

The iBook's a bit different, of course. As a consumer-geared portable, it won't score you any points among the Suits (like you'd want that!), but it's sure to draw attention from everyone who glimpses its translucent clamshell looks. In addition to looking cool, the iBook's long battery life means you can while away the hours by listening to MP3s or playing games. The thing is, the iBook is also Apple's first product to support AirPort, that nifty wireless networking architecture that we can personally claim is Mondo Cool™. But you know that little warning you hear on the plane about never using cellular phones in flight? AirPort works its magic in much the same way, so if you've got an AirPort-enabled iBook and you take it on the plane, you really should turn off the AirPort card before boarding. Apple's just posted a Technote warning people to do this.

Apparently failure to disable the AirPort card "may interfere with the avionics of the aircraft." That's a deliciously vague statement, but we choose to interpret it thusly: if you're in flight and you pull out your iBook to play a little Tomb Raider, if you haven't turned off the AirPort card, right about the time Lara Croft's backflipping across a yawning chasm, your plane slams into a mountainside-- because AirPort + AirCraft = MidAirCollision. We imagine this could cause some significant damage to your iBook; it's rugged, but it's not that rugged.

So, please, kiddies-- always disable your AirPort card before boarding. It's a simple process; one click on the Control Strip and you're all set. Besides, it's a good habit to get into, since the AirPort card draws power from your battery. You'll probably experience longer battery life if you keep the AirPort card off when not in range of your Base Station or whatever. Sadly, it sounds like this means wireless Unreal deathmatches at 30,000 feet just weren't meant to happen.