Holy covert upgrade, Batman! How clever of those oh-so-fashionable übernerds at Virginia Tech to hide their supercomputer's top secret system-wide performance overhaul in the last place anyone would ever look-- namely, inside the supercomputer's not-so-secret system-wide architecture overhaul. You probably recall the school's announcement that, merely three months after having built the world's third-fastest supercomputer out of 1,100 off-the-shelf dual 2.0 GHz Power Mac G5s, it was dismantling the cluster in order to slim it down by switching it over to 1,100 Xserves. (G5-based Xserves weren't available when the cluster was first built, don'tcha know.) At the time, we remember thinking what a shame it was that the system would suffer all that downtime only to return with 2,200 2.0 GHz G5 processors, just like it had in the first place. Sure, it'd be svelter, and maybe it could finally fit into a size 3 evening gown, but shedding all that girth wouldn't make it any faster.

How wrong we were-- but only because Virginia Tech kindasorta neglected to mention what AppleInsider is now claiming, as pointed out by faithful viewer Frozen Tundra: that those are no ordinary Xserves. Normal, mere mortal Xserve G5s, as you know, still top out at dual 2.0 GHz, and have ever since their debut; since Virginia Tech's original clustered Power Macs were all stock configurations, it was only natural for everyone to assume that the Xserves shipped to the project were standard issue as well. As it turns out, though, Virginia Tech got the batch of 1,100 Xserves that came from Krypton and gained super speed when exposed to the radiation of Earth's unfamiliar yellow sun. Or maybe they... uh... went through whatever deliriously improbable life-changing experience that transformed mild-mannered Barry Allen into the Flash. (We seem to recall something about him getting bitten by a radioactive road runner or something, but we're not positive.)

See, apparently Virginia Tech's 1,100 newly-Infinibanded Xserves are all dual 2.3 GHz models-- and if that strikes you as odd, good, because as far as Apple's price list is concerned, there's no such thing as a dual 2.3 GHz Xserve; the units delivered for inclusion in the Virginia Tech cluster "are reportedly unique to System X and are not available for purchase by the general public." Which hardly strikes us as fair; after all, what if we wanted to drop six or eight million clams and build a terascale cluster? Why should ours have 13% less raw processing power than Virginia Tech's? We suspect graft. It's like the school slipped Apple a twenty for a better table away from the restrooms. Or maybe Srinidhi Varadarajan's celebrity status scored them the speed boost. Mankind may never know.

Anyway, the cat's out of the bag as far as the 2.3 GHz thing is concerned, so when Virginia Tech finally posts new performance scores, you can expect to see up to a 15% increase over last year's third-place numbers. That's an extra teraflop and a half, give or take (probably take), which is nothing to sneeze at, but regardless, third place is but a memory. Even at 11.8ish teraflops, System X would barely be squeaking into fourth place on the current list, and we'll be lucky if it clings to the top five when the next list is compiled.

But hey, it's still one crazy-impressive accomplishment, and who knows what superpowers those Xserves might possess in addition to excessive speed? We've got our fingers crossed for x-ray vision, or maybe super-stretchiness, or even owning an invisible jet. Basically, anything but the ability to talk to fish.

Oh, thank goodness-- Apple has finally posted some new press releases, and not a second too soon. The company issued its last one waaaaaaay back on the first of the month, and seeing as we're hurtling toward October like a charging bull elephant in cleats, that means it's been almost a full month. It's a little-known fact that if Apple ever went thirty consecutive days without a press release our hearts would most likely explode in our chests, so we're classifying this as just another bullet we dodged.

But it's not all smoochy-lips and backrubs, here, people; one of the reasons why we're physically dependent on a regular stream of Apple press releases is because they always include a sound-bite quote from some bigwig at the company, and traditionally the less-trivial releases include a quote from Steve Jobs himself. So while our hearts haven't yet burst forth from our thoracic cavities in a festive spray of bodily fluids, we are starting the feel the pressure build, because Apple hasn't given us a press release with a Steve quote since July 25th-- for good reason, we assume, since that was just days before the guy's cancer surgery. Since then the press release quote machine has been cranked by senior marketing veep Phil Schiller, applications veep Eddy Cue, and-- as in today's offerings introducing new versions of Logic and two new Jam Packs for GarageBand-- applications marketing veep Rob Schoeben.

Nothing against these guys, mind you, but we were really hoping for an indication that post-op Steve is back in the saddle, taking names, and kicking kiester-- and churning out short quotes for press releases like he used to. So while we're appropriately pleased that Apple has disgorged a bellyful of new professional and consumer music production software, our enthusiasm is dampened somewhat by the concern that Steve said he'd be back on the job in September, September's almost over, and we're still getting Steveless press releases (when we get them at all).

Actually, you know what, though? Never mind us. After all, these are the first press releases to emerge from Apple since Steve came back part-time, and they're both minor enough that Steve almost certainly would've sent in a pinch quoter even under the best circumstances. For example, the last time Apple dished a press release about Logic, the quote within came from the lips of-- yup, you guessed it-- Rob Schoeben, just like the quotes in both releases today. That was last January, mind you, long before anyone was thinking about Steve's pancreas, so we're sure none of this "no Steve quotes" hoo-haa means a thing. Still, we'd definitely welcome some highly visible indication that Steve's back and all's right with the universe. You know how we worry.

What do you mean the French never gave us anything? In addition to the country's notable contributions to the international world of haute cuisine (french fries, french toast, french dressing, french dip, french bread pizza, French's mustard and Grey Poupon-- the list goes on and on) and personal grooming (french braids, french tips), the French have also given us stuff like the Statue of Liberty, a newfound appreciation for Jerry Lewis, and the lovable character Mr. French from A Family Affair. Personally, we think they've kicked in more than their fair share.

But if you still don't think that's enough, well, you're in luck: now the French are also giving away free iPod minis! Or rather, Air France is giving away free iPod minis, but we figure that's pretty much the same thing. See, according to MacMinute, all you need to do is buy an Air France "l'Espace Affaires" (rough translation: "belt made of rhubarb") business class ticket, and you'll qualify for a bonus miniPod absolutely free. And here's the clincher: you don't even have to fly to France. That's right, you can fly from "any Air France U.S. gateway to any European destination" and still qualify for the promotion, so even if you harbor some horribly misplaced ill will for the people who, after all, gave us the French bikini (oh, find your own links, you pervs), you can fly Air France to, say, Spain and still collect your booty.

As always, there are catches; for one, you have to do your traveling by mid-January, so unless you live in Hawaii, you can forget about scoring a free miniPod for your Arbor Day trip to Pamplona for the annual Running of the Ginkgos. For another, apparently Air France is only giving away silver minis, but given the popularity of the silver model, unless you've got some deep-seated psychological trauma stemming from a childhood near-smothering accident with a wayward roll of Reynolds Wrap, we don't expect that'll present much of a problem. The biggest catch of all is probably the most obvious: if Air France is giving away $249 iPod minis for free with every international business class ticket, the price must be packed with more zeros than a Microsoft singles mixer.

Okay, so we're not actually talking about trillions here, or anything, and these prices probably aren't all that different from any other carrier's, but just for giggles, we priced out otherwise identical tickets on Air France from Boston to Italy, and the difference between an economy ticket and business class comes to-- get this-- $1,761. Yeesh, no wonder they're going to give you a free miniPod; for that differential, they could give you a rainbow 5-pack of them and still pocket a $500 difference. But hey, if you've got access to a cushy expense account and your boss will foot the bill for the extra legroom, why not snake yourself a free mini in the process?

And don't forget to thank the French for all they've given us. After all, the Belgians only gave us waffles.