TV-PGOctober 8, 1998: Strap on those thinking caps-- it's time once again to Beat the Analysts!
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 
Beat Them Analysts (10/8/98)
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It's that time again-- time to guess Apple's end-of-quarter financial results in AtAT's "Beat the Analysts" contest! Most of you know the drill by now... According to MacWEEK, Steve Jobs will announce Apple's results on Wednesday, October 14th. If you register the closest guess to Apple's actual reported results, you could win fabulous prizes and fame beyond your wildest hopes and dreams. You could win those things, but in all likelihood, you'll actually just win some goofy nominal prize from our Baffling Vault of Antiquity® and a guest appearance on AtAT. But hey, it's better than nothing.

So what are the analysts saying? Pretty much nobody is predicting a loss. Another MacWEEK article states that nineteen Wall Street analysts are expecting an average "profit of about $66 million." There's no word on the highs and lows that made up that average. In addition, Mac the Knife lets slip the rumor that Apple's quarterly revenue was $1.8 billion from 800,000 units sold, based on which he also claims that Apple's profits will be "above the $100 million mark." In the "non-professional" category, Eric Yang's awesome MacEvolution site contains a thoughtful and point-by-point prediction of a $100 million profit, despite the fact that he made that prediction at the end of August.

So what's your guess? Enter the contest and show those analysts a thing or two! After all, who better to guess Apple's financial results than a pack of rabid AtAT fans who follow Apple so closely they tune into a soap opera about them every day? We know you'll do great.

 
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Jumping the Gun (10/8/98)
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Hmmm, something seems amiss in the Mac magazine world. One of the most highly-anticipated entertainment events in the Mac world this year was the appearance of celebrity Lara Croft, star of the hit Tomb Raider series of games for the PC. Ever since word got out back in July that Tomb Raider II was being ported to the Mac platform, Mac gamers have been waiting for Ms. Croft's virtual debut. And a couple of days ago, MacAddict magazine announced that she'd make her first appearance this Friday, in the form of a TR2 demo that would be downloadable exclusively from the MacAddict web site for forty-eight hours. What a coup! Striking a deal for temporary exclusive distribution rights was a great way to raise the magazine's visibility and their web site's traffic.

But then on Thursday afternoon, suddenly we were notified that the demo had already been posted-- by publishing rival MacWorld. What gives? Faithful viewer Colin Crawford even forwarded to us the text of a MacWorld press release, in which they crow about being "thrilled to be the first to bring Tomb Raider to the legions of Mac gamers who have been anxiously awaiting Lara Croft's premier appearance on the Mac platform." So what gives? What happened to the MacAddict exclusive? Where did MacWorld get the demo to post? And why is the demo so short and easy? (That last one's an unrelated question, we suppose, but we're curious, because we've never finished a demo for a game like this in a little over an hour before.)

In reaction to MacWorld's act, MacAddict also posted the demo to download on Thursday night-- earlier than planned-- in order to salvage at least some of the debacle. At the time, it seemed odd that they still claimed to be the exclusive provider of the demo until Monday, October 12th. Will this be the event that launches the War Between the Mac-azines? Granted, it's not exactly the assassination of an archduke or anything, but wars have been fought for sillier things. But perhaps not, because when last we checked, all mention of the TR2 demo had mysteriously vanished from MacWorld's site. We can only imagine the exchange between the two magazines that led to this resolution... At least there was a peaceful outcome.

 
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The Award Goes To... (10/8/98)
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If you put any stock in what CNET has to say, you may be pleasantly surprised by their "Class of '98 Awards," whose results have just been released. Or maybe you won't be surprised, since what product could beat out the iMac in the "Most Innovative Product" category? That's right, Apple's beloved blue and white gumdrop has walked away with the prize.

CNET describes the iMac as being "truly genre-defining." We'll know they're right when the iMac knockoffs start hitting the shelves. But there's little argument that "the iMac's form is almost a complete departure from computers of old." When you dig deeper than the futuristic look, you find all the other chances Apple took; no floppy drive, USB-only expansion, a thrillingly fast 233 MHz G3 at the core of a $1299 consumer computer. Congratulations to Apple and the iMac. You couldn't rouse more innovation if you summoned the ghost of Thomas Alva Edison and beat him about his ectoplasmic head and shoulders for a better idea.

But if you ask us, the real win for Apple is in the "Cutest Couple" category, for which the winning pair is... Steve Jobs and the iMac. Because hey, the iMac is cute, and Jobs often looks like a cuddly teddy bear, but we're still amazed at the apparent range and power of Jobs' Reality Distortion Field®. After all, this is Mercurial Dude, the man characterized in dozens of accounts as a nightmare boss from hell, prone to dizzying mood swings and erratic behavior. We never thought we'd see him anywhere near a "cute" award. Must be the iMac bringing up the average Cute Quotient.

 
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