Still making worried little Homer Simpson noises as you ponder the fate of Apple's consumer portable? Once the shocking news leaked out that some folks at Apple had actually voted to dump the whole project because of continued development problems, suddenly the prospect of a P1 introduction at next month's Macworld Expo seemed dim. Or dimmer, at any rate. Still, the stage has been set and the gauntlet thrown down, as rumors indicate that Steve Jobs himself is taking a personal interest in making sure that he's got a demo-able P1 ready to trot out during his keynote address. A man on a mission, a race against time-- it's a perfect scenario for building dramatic tension.

The thing is, maybe it's a little too perfect. A MacBC article raises some interesting theories about this whole "will it be ready in time?" struggle. Apple, as you well know, is not above leaking false information when desirable... There's still some question as to whether or not last year's "Columbus" media frenzy ("It's a set-top box! It's a portable DVD player!") was the result of misinformation leaked intentionally by Apple to draw attention away from what Columbus really was-- the motherboard used in the super-secret iMac. So, by the same token, could the rumors just be an Apple plot to raise suspense about Jobs' keynote? Think about it; the question on everyone's lips will be "Will he or won't he?" The press turnout will be enormous. All eyes will be on the Javits Center. Sure beats a ho-hum "here's the product you all knew was coming," now, doesn't it? Ah, Jobs-- ever the showman.

Now, this could all be hogwash, of course, but it's an interesting possibility, and it may sound more likely when considered after reading the Register article on Alpha Top's loose lips. Alpha Top is the Taiwanese manufacturing firm who had been contracted by Apple to build the P1 once it goes into production, and Apple seems to have neglected to plug information leaks there. (Alpha Top's willingness to blab about the P1 implies that the company is run by a ragtag unit of Larry Ellison clones.) According to Alpha Top, the first shipment of P1s is expected in August. If that's true, we find it hard to believe that Apple would have a tough time producing a working prototype a mere month before. Interesting, no? We admit it-- our conspiracy radar must be a bit rusty not to have picked up on the whole misinformation possibility, so we are indebted to MacBC for cranking our paranoia up a notch.

After TNT's original movie "Pirates of Silicon Valley" premiered last Sunday, we had little doubt that the reviews would be, shall we say, mixed. Because while the movie was quite entertaining in its own charming melodramatic way, we thought perhaps the characterizations didn't dig deeply enough to hold the viewer's interest, unless that viewer was already familiar with Jobs, Gates, and the whole epic struggle. And the people who were familiar with the real story might have a hard time getting past the rewriting of history for the sake of drama. While we personally applauded TNT for making the flick, we had to wonder about what kind of ratings it would draw.

As it turns out, we needn't have worried. A Variety article over at Yahoo! News indicates that the premiere of "Pirates" managed to draw a 5.3 "cable universe rating," which is apparently equivalent to about four million households. We don't know how many cable-enabled (oooh, say that three times fast) households comprise the "cable universe," but four million seems to be a good solid chunk of it; the "Pirates" premiere was the second-highest-rated cable movie this year so far, topped only by "Purgatory" last January-- another TNT production. So apparently Noah Wyle commands a good audience, or maybe several million people just wanted to watch Bill Gates get thrown in jail. In any case, people tuned in.

If you wanted to see the movie but missed it the first six times around, fret not-- it's showing three more times this weekend, in typical TNT fashion. Check your local listings for details. And for those of you who did see it, why not tune in again? C'mon, you know nothing beats Bill Gates Roller Disco for pure, unadulterated entertainment...

While it's not quite over yet, the testimony in the "Redmond Justice" case appears to be ending not with a bang, but with a whimper. At least, if the Microsoft legal team isn't whimpering by now, we have to admire their fortitude in the face of increasing adversity. The final witness in the case, MIT economist Richard Schmalensee ("SCHMALENSEE!!"), wasn't winning any points with Judge Jackson, who had already seemed somewhat skeptical of the textbook analysis put forth as evidence that Microsoft holds no monopoly. But once government lawyer David Boies jumped into the ring for cross examination, Schmalensee's credibility began to melt away like an ice cube on a Pentium chip. A ZDNet article has the details.

First of all, Boies raised the issue of how much Schmalensee was paid by Microsoft. Now, we don't know how much salary the dean of MIT's Sloan School of Management pulls down, but he could be working as a part-time fry cook at Mickey D's and still living more than comfortably, since he reluctantly admitted that Microsoft paid him over a quarter of a million dollars over the past two years-- plus another $300,000 in bonuses from the National Economic Research Association, the organization who issues his Microsoft payments. Ladies and gentlemen in the viewing audience, the AtAT staff would like to make it clear that if anyone wants to pay us over a half a million dollars to be public cheerleaders, we're ready to be bought for any cause-- credibility be damned. Especially if we can be as ineffectual as Schmalensee and still cash the checks.

Then Boies tore into Schmalensee's claim that, because of existing and upcoming web-based applications, the Internet is a "platform" that forms a threat to Windows' popularity. In response to Boies' questioning, the economist admitted that, yes, connecting to the Internet to use those applications right now does require an operating system-- like Windows. And for the coup de grace, Boies pointed out discrepancies in Schmalensee's charts, forcing the admission that "one of these is wrong, I think that's apparent." Don't even get us started on Schmalensee's claim that Microsoft's policy of charging PC manufacturers for Windows whether the customer actually wants to buy it or not is an "anti-piracy measure." Hmmm... suppose Microsoft is questioning whether they got their half a million dollars' worth right about now? Schmalensee's testimony continues Thursday, after which they'll scrape up what's left of him and ship him home.