So here we are in New York City. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. The Place We Pretty Much Only Come To Because Steve Moved The Expo From Boston. And it's a great place, to be sure; when the first thing that strikes you is the recording of Adam "Batman" West in the cab from the airport reminding you to buckle up, you know it's going to be a hip and happening five days. So we're staying in Midtown Manhattan, not far from the Javits Center, and while the data port in the desk lamp doesn't work, that minor inconvenience is more than made up for by our close proximity to the official NBC Experience, the only store we've ever visited that actually sells Al Roker baseball caps. Is this place cool or what?

So anyway, we thought we'd take this opportunity to share a little Expo strategy with our audience, for those of you who are going to be hitting the show floor tomorrow. And those of you who aren't lucky enough to be attending, don't go flipping channels just yet-- this info will come in handy for Expos to come, so listen up and take notes. See, faithful viewer Nicholas Cofrancesco is attending his first Expo this week, and wrote in to ask some questions about the free stuff that all the booths give away (heretofore known as "swag"). We understand that other Expo newbies may also be wondering about the swag situation, so here it is: the official AtAT Swag Maximization Strategy™. Follow these guidelines and you'll need to buy extra suitcases to lug all the stuff home.

First, if you're truly dedicated to the goal of maximizing your swag potential, the most important thing to do is to get onto the show floor as soon as possible. The best freebies evaporate faster than rubbing alcohol in the summer sun. You want to travel the entire floor, booth by booth, moving as quickly as possible, and just shoveling swag into a shopping bag or too. For now, pass up the lamer "B" swag like the pens and plastic keychains-- they're only going to slow you down. Stick with the "A" stuff-- t-shirts and the like. Note that you'll have to be pretty shameless to do this right; you can't let yourself get sucked into conversations with any booth-bots just because you feel guilty about taking the company's t-shirts without listening to a sales pitch. Steel yourself, keep your head down, and keep moving; you can always atone later.

Okay, now you've hit every booth once-- preferably targeting the biggest booths first, but minimizing the time you spend is of the utmost importance, so don't get too caught up in making sure you get to Disney first if it's going to make you backtrack later. Once you've got all the "A" swag you can grab, relax for a minute. Catch your breath. Enjoy a $5 bottle of water. Ready? Now it's time for reconnaissance. Take a leisurely second trip through, booth by booth. This time you can grab the "B" swag, while noting what kind of premium swag you can get by sitting through marketing demos. See, while the bumper stickers and the buttons are just lying out on the tables, the vendors are generally tighter-fisted with the tote bags and the thermal drink bottles-- they make you work for those. Usually you have to sit through a demonstration of the company's products before they'll give up the good stuff. And often, sitting through the demo doesn't even guarantee you the swag-- it may end in a drawing for free software, or a t-shirt toss where you have to elbow an elderly lady in the throat to beat her to the goods. So as you collect any "B" swag you come across, note which booths constitute a good swag gamble. Then you can spend the next couple of days sitting through the spiel and collecting your just rewards.

By now you're up to your armpits in swag, but you're not finished yet; remember, anything these booth jockeys don't give away is just more junk they have to pack up and lug home-- and after three exhausting days of smiling at the unwashed masses, the last thing they want to do is spend more time packing up cheap plastic giveaways. So on the last day of the Expo, you've got to keep your eyes open for the booths who did a poor job of pacing their swag output-- often they'll be desperately unloading stuff on anyone and everyone who walks by. (Last year, on the final day of the show, GoLive was shoveling little wind-up walking CyberStudio boxes into the bags of passersby by the dozen. We still have a slew of those little guys kicking around somewhere.)

So there you have it. Follow these guidelines and soon you'll be wallowing in more free crap than you can shake a company-logo-screened stick at. And once you've done this a few times and gotten the hang of it, you'll realize how good an idea it is to pack another bag in your luggage-- you always leave Macworld with lots more than you carried in. But we should close with a cautionary note: it's possible to get so caught up in the Swag Race that it eclipses everything else. Visiting the booths is enjoyable; it's a kick to see what all those vendors are coming out with, and you can try stuff that won't be on the market for six more months. The swag is a big part of the Expo, but don't let it make you forget to have fun. Now let the swag-amassing begin!