Whither Mac OS 9? We may still be logy following our record-breaking consumption of pie last Thursday (apple, of course), but we always perk up a bit when unsubstantiated rumors come floating across the table. As with the best rumors, reports are flooding in from all sides and details are sketchy-- those of you who are old pros in the rumor game know that we've got the makings of a wildfire of whispers. Did you remember to gives thanks for the bottomless source of thrills and spills known as the Mac Rumor Mill?

This is what we're hearing: Apple may have issued a recall of all unsold copies of Mac OS 9. One camp holds that the alleged recall is due to the number of bugs crawling around in the OS. Another group says it's because of the lawsuit filed against Apple by Microware, makers of the other OS-9. Yet another source claims that Apple pulled all copies of Mac OS 9 from the shelves because a small number of CD-ROMs were infected with the "Dy-No-Miiite!" virus, which can cause any Mac to burst into flame if the disk is removed from its protective envelope and brought within ten feet of the CD-ROM drive-- but only if the Mac is running Internet Explorer. (Okay, okay, so no one's really claiming that. That's just our own little contribution to the rumor. Spread at will!)

For those of you party poopers who'd rather stick to the facts, well, there's no accounting for taste. MacInTouch has a "slew of conflicting reports" about the mysterious disappearing Mac OS 9, so maybe you can dig through there for the "real story." It appears that several CompUSA stores have zero copies of Apple's new operating system on the shelves, and at least some store representatives are claiming that Apple ordered them pulled due to the OS-9 mess. Far be it from us to take anything a CompUSA representative says as gospel, but the sheer volume of reports leads us to believe that something is up-- something sinister. (Oooooooooo.) On the other hand, could it be something as benign as CompUSA returning surplus copies of the operating system to Apple once Demo Days events ended? Naaahhhh...

Let's see... We're three days into leftovers, the newspapers are thick with ads, and most stores have had Christmas displays up for about ten weeks now. There's no doubt about it: we're officially sailing the Holiday Seas. Yes, it's that time of year again-- the time to gain ten pounds (twenty if you're a real pro), watch lots of sappy TV specials with snowmen befriending reindeer, and spend, spend, spend. And what would this time of year be without the Microsoft Holiday Conspiracy Theories? Heck, a Christmastime without suspicious Microsoft activity would be like... well, like any other time of year without suspicious Microsoft activity. Because when it comes to the festive holiday tradition of "questionable behavior," Bill Gates leaves the tree up all year 'round.

Still, we feel we just can't get into the holiday spirit until the nutmeg's sprinkled on the cocoa and Microsoft does something sleazy. Luckily for us, faithful viewer and Redmond watchdog Jerry O'Neil spread some holiday cheer by pointing out a Sm@rt Reseller article warning about Windows 2000's "one-way" behavior. Get this: the latest beta version of Windows 2000 (The Operating System Formerly Known As "NT 5") "overrides" the NTFS file system when installed on computers also running NT 4. In the words of consultant John Navas, "installing Windows 2000 to dual boot with Windows NT 4.0 will permanently and irrevocably change all NTFS partitions so that Windows NT 4.0 is no longer able to check for or repair file system problems." Basically, anyone "trying out" Windows 2000 may find themselves required to upgrade, since their disks will no longer work completely under NT 4. Unsurprisingly, the Windows 2000 beta installer conveniently forgets to warn the user about this little feature.

Sound familiar? We're reminded of those demo CDs for Office 97 that Microsoft distributed through Kinkos. Anyone working on older Office documents in the demo could easily and inadvertently save their work in Office 97's new format-- making the data unavailable to their original Office version and forcing them to upgrade. It's nice to see that Microsoft sticks with what works, at least as far as sneaky sales tactics go. And now we're deep into the holiday spirit. Mmmm, smell that? Nothing says Christmastime like the scent of pine needles, sugar cookies, and Microsoft extorting money from hapless customers...

Santa's making his list and checking it twice, and if you were very good this year, you just might find an iMac under the tree. On the other hand, if you were somewhat "less than good," you might find the computer equivalent of a lump of coal, instead: an eOne. Oh, sure, there may be an injunction against Sotec from making, selling, or exporting any more of the translucent blue-and-white Wintel-based iMac wannabes in Japan, but it appears that U.S. reseller eMachines had their warehouses nice and full prior to the Japanese ruling, because as faithful viewer Russell Maggio points out, they're still in stores here in the States. Which means that the naughty boys and girls wishing for an iMac had best behave, because Santa won't have any trouble dropping off an eOne instead.

And speaking of naughty, we're pretty sure that copying someone else's work falls squarely under that category. So all those copycat manufacturers may well be passed by entirely when Santa's making his rounds this year. Sorry, eMachines-- no soup for you! And Sotec and Future Power are up the same presentless creek. It's all about karma, and Santa's the cosmic judge, jury, and executioner. As for Timex, however, we're not entirely sure whether their iMac clone puts them on the "naughty" list or not. After all, it's not even a computer; it's an alarm clock. If you haven't seen this, hop on over to NoBeige for some nice snapshots. Since it's not a computer at all, we're inclined to consider it an homage, not a rip-off-- and we're guessing Santa would agree. (Apple's lawyers might see things a bit differently, however.)

But while Timex may escape Santa's wrath, you can bet that whoever came up with this GPX clock won't get off so easily-- image courtesy of a faithful viewer known only as Mike. Yes, folks, if the Timex clock is an iMac clone, then this GPX thing is a clone of a clone. And you can bet that Santa won't like that, nosiree. Santa may pass over the likes of eMachines completely, but he'll probably schedule a special stop for the GPX folks. And he'll bring them a nice, big can of Whoop-Ass™. Hey, he may be jolly, but he has his limits.