TV-PGDecember 30, 1999: Apple's OTTuner patch is wreaking almost as much havoc as the DoS attack it's designed to prevent-- should you install it or not? Meanwhile, shadowy sources on Wall Street hint at a fantastic quarter for Apple and a resulting stock increase, while Intel bangs its collective head against the wall trying to get Itanium to live up to its initial promise...
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 
It's Not For Everyone (12/30/99)
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The MacDoS drama continues, as frantic Mac users the world over download and install Apple's just-released OTTuner patch, designed to prevent the exploitation of Macs by ruthless Middle Eastern cyber-terrorists bent on causing Internet chaos. The problem is, many of those vigilant Mac users who installed the extension found their Internet connections completely disabled, and were forced to remove the patch in order to get network services running again. What's going on here?

Well, for one thing, lots of people who are installing the patch aren't even supposed to. This gets a little tricky to explain. First of all, if your Mac isn't always on the Internet via some high-speed connection like a cable modem or DSL, it's not at risk of becoming a stooge for some cyber-terrorist hiding in a bunker somewhere in Saudi Arabia. So people with dial-up connections shouldn't bother with OTTuner at all-- at least not right now. If you do have an "always-on" high speed connection, you're still only vulnerable if you're running Mac OS 9, or if you have one of the newest Macs available: a Power Mac G4, an iBook, or one of those slick "Kihei" slot-loading iMacs. Everyone else should leave OTTuner alone, since using it can do funky things to your connection.

What seems to be causing lots of these connection problems is the way that OTTuner 1.0 removes the Mac's ability to make "live" changes to networking settings; according to a CNET article, if your Mac gets a new IP address every time you connect to the Internet, then the current version of OTTuner will hose you. Apple says that a later version of OTTuner will remove this restriction, but they needed to get a quick fix out the door in a hurry. For what it's worth, we've installed OTTuner on our one and only at-risk Mac (a Mac OS 9 system with a static IP address on a DSL line), and it works just fine. Furthermore, tonight while we're rockin' in the new year with Dick Clark, we can rest assured that our beloved Mac isn't being hijacked by nasty evil forces bent on doing naughty things.

 
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Don't Wait Too Long (12/30/99)
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Hmmm, we're flashing back to two years ago, when AAPL was hovering at just under $13 a share and we were going to buy-- but then didn't, because it suddenly spiked to 16. Are we feeling stupid? Well, maybe a little, though we still say that if we had actually bought at 16, today AAPL would be wallowing at somewhere around 8. (It's a Charlie Brown karma thing.) Anyway, what got us thinking about this are the anonymous tips floating into AtAT headquarters saying to buy AAPL now, before it goes through the roof next week. (Funny how the tips become anonymous every time Apple's stock is involved. It's like those Wall Street types just can't get enough of the whole "cloak and dagger" thing.)

Why will AAPL go through the roof next week, you ask? Several reasons, claim these shadowy informants from Wall Street. For one thing, Apple's apparently poised to break its all-time record for the number of Macs shipped in a quarter. Odds are that The Street's gonna love that. Rumors are also flying that Apple's Q1 margins are going to be nice and fat when the quarterly results come out. And then there's that little matter of Apple's early investment in Akamai, whose stock IPO'd at $26 or something and is now over $320 a share. Yes, Apple's got a lot of cash on hand. So all the financial numbers are looking pretty, and you know that the investors love that kind of stuff.

But what really might cause AAPL to explode (in a good way) is the rumored revelation of Apple's long-awaited and long-overdue Internet strategy. It seems like we've been hearing whispers of "MyApple.com" forever, but we're told that next week, it'll finally all come clear. A corporate rebranding, a new PowerBook, multiprocessor G4s-- all those things may come to pass when Steve takes the stage, but reportedly it's the Internet strategy that the investment community is really waiting for. Once again, we at AtAT know zilch when it comes to the stock market and high finance, but we're getting lots of tips, and we thought you might want to know. Do what thou wilt. As for us, we'll just rest content knowing that Apple had a kick-butt quarter. :)

 
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So Far, So Lame (12/30/99)
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The year 2000-- the year Intel and Hewlett Packard will finally unveil their long-awaited 64-bit Itanium processor (formerly known as "Merced"). Maybe. After all, Itanium's so late it's starting to make Windows NT 5 2000 look prompt by comparison. Delay after delay after delay has plagued the super-chip's development, but Intel was sure it'd be all worth it, since Itanium will be the fastest and most powerful thing in silicon once it ships. It'll be Superfly TNT. It'll be the Guns of the Navarone. It'll be the Chip To End All Chips™.

Or it'll just be a huge disappointment. Itanium was once the lurking horror that threatened to erase whatever design and performance advantages the PowerPC might still claim to have, but as the (current) release date creeps ever nearer, it's starting to look about as scary as Count Floyd. The latest rumors about Intel's impending bellyflop came to us via Mac OS Rumors-- who built upon data gleaned from The Register, who reported on an article in Forbes. (Don't you love how the 'net works?) Here's the deal: apparently Intel's having a dickens of a time getting Itanium's clock speed up over its current blistering 400 MHz mark. Yes, 400 MHz. In terms of speed, Intel wanted a rocket car, but so far Itanium's more like, say, a Honda Accord-- a fine vehicle, we're told, but not one to set a land speed record.

And apparently Itanium generates about as much heat as a Honda, too. It seems that in its current state, a 350 MHz Itanium actually burns off a staggering 30 watts of power. So much for modern design. With the venerable Pentium architecture running at twice the clock speed of the "next generation" Itanium, we can see why some Intel sources are referring to Itanium as the company's own Copland. Let's see, here... Apple buried Copland, reinvigorated development on the existing Mac OS, and bought NeXTSTEP as the basis for Copland's successor. So if Intel follows suit, we can expect the end of the Itanium project, faster and faster Pentiums, and Intel's eventual buyout of AMD and the renaming of the Athlon with a classically stupid Intel name, like Sweateron or Caketonium. Any bets?

 
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