So Apple's Worldwide Developers Conference is still a whole week away, and you're already jaded about what'll be announced, aren't you? Because all signs point to the triumphant introduction of those multiprocessor Power Mac G4 systems we've all been waiting for; AppleInsider's predicting dual- and quad-processor Macs, and Go2Mac claims that CompUSA sources are reporting the presence of dual-processor G4s in the company's inventory system. Sounds like a dead lock, right? Which means you're probably settling comfortably into complacency, secure in the knowledge that you've got WWDC all figured out.

But complacency's a nasty thing; it breeds mental torpor and smug looks, and the last thing we want is for our faithful viewers to go around alienating friends and family by projecting a know-it-all attitude. That's why, as a public service to you, we'd like to bring Mac OS Rumors to your attention. While they plainly admit that their latest WWDC rumor "should be considered speculation and taken with a healthy helping of salt," they're hinting that the legendary Apple PDA might be unveiled next week, so developers can begin writing software for the device which may ship in time for this summer's Macworld Expo. We know, we know-- the Apple PDA's been vapor for so long, the thought of it actually showing up next week just doesn't stick. Your brain tries to reject it like a baboon heart or a copy of Windows or something. That's why it's such a great mental stretching exercise; trying to accept the possibility that we'll actually get to see an Apple-branded handheld in seven days is like some kind of Zen koan. (If a tree falls in the woods and no one's around to hear it, does it make the sound of one hand clapping?)

And for those of you who still think you know exactly what's going to happen, don't forget last January's Macworld Expo. Everybody (and we mean everybody) was fully expecting a new PowerBook to make its debut, plus maybe multiprocessor G4s, a souped-up iBook, and a new iMac with a 17" screen. What did we get? A demo of Mac OS X. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it just goes to show you that when Uncle Steve gets into keynote mode, the only thing you should expect for sure is to be surprised.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer-- nowhere is that maxim more important than in the high-tech industry. For a glowing example, look at Apple and Microsoft. Publicly, we were expected to swallow 1997's "strategic alliance" as the end of the platform wars. Since then we've had a fair amount of tender loving care from Microsoft's Macintosh Business Unit; while it's still far from perfect, Office 98 is to Office 4.3 what a Sony high-definition big-screen TV is to a cardboard box with a hole cut in it. Meanwhile, we've got Internet Explorer as the default web browser on the Mac, while Steve Jobs takes every public opportunity to say that it's his "browser of choice." Sounds like these two companies are the best of friends, right?

That is, assuming that you ignore Apple's testimony in the antitrust lawsuit, which revealed that there were some serious cut-throat tactics beneath all the smiles; threats to cancel Office unless Apple embraced IE over Netscape, attempts to get Apple to "knife the baby" by killing QuickTime, etc. And how about those reports that Steve Jobs himself sicced the Justice Department on Redmond and even offered to pony up millions of dollars of his own personal cash to help finance the case? Bill and Steve aren't shaking hands because they're friends-- they're each making sure the other guy isn't holding a switchblade.

Which brings us to Larry Ellison. Unlike Steve, Larry is very anti-Microsoft in public. That in itself is a little surprising; one would think Steve would try to rein him in a little, what with Larry being on Apple's board of directors and all, but nooooooo. So Larry's attacks on the Redmond Menace are far more overt. For the past four years, he's been trying to topple the Wintel duopoly with his own pet project, the Network Computer. Remember this? Despite what you may have thought, the NC hasn't disappeared yet-- Larry's still pushing the "thin client" as the future of computing. According to The Register, his new company, New Internet Computer Co., is cranking out a $199 system "that is capable of doing little other than send email, surf the Web and get up Bill Gates' nose." Larry's giving 1100 of these things away to schools in the San Francisco area, in hopes of reviving support for the NC idea that's flopped time and time again.

But suddenly there's a new twist on the Bill-Steve-Larry triangle. While Larry's new $199 machine is currently targeted only for educational use, there are plans to adapt it for home users very soon. Says NIC's chief executive Gina Smith, "when we come out with a consumer computer later this year it will be the easiest to use machine on the planet." Hmmm... Now whose bread-and-butter market does it look like Larry's trying to swipe? Suddenly we have a much better idea of why Steve put Larry on the Apple board. It wasn't because they're best friends; it was to keep an eye on him as he plans to go after the iMac's target market with an "easiest to use" system that's a fifth of the price. Mistrust, betrayal, business pitting friend against friend... wait, didn't we see this plot twist once on Dynasty? And here you thought the soap opera metaphor was a stretch.

Sigh. Well, you knew the risks when you started watching-- "Redmond Justice" could end at any time with a sudden out-of-court settlement and the show would never get a proper "final episode." We've been extraordinarily lucky so far, actually. We got to tune in for the whole trial, which, all by itself, was better TV than most of the dreck posing as drama out there. And we got to see Judge Jackson issue his momentous findings of fact. Even after that, Microsoft refused to settle and we witnessed the historic guilty verdict. Now we're in the remedy stage, though, and the chances of a settlement continue to rise, so we'd best enjoy it while we can.

Right now Microsoft's drafting its response to the government's proposal that the company be split into two. According to the Associated Press, the company's counterproposal is pretty much what you'd expect. It goes something like this: "How about, instead of breaking us up, you let us keep doing pretty much whatever we want. We'll throw you a couple of bones, of course, like we'll let you 'regulate' our deals with PC manufacturers so we can't coerce them into promoting our products over our competitors', which is pretty much moot now since we've got the market sewn up anyway. Plus we'll even let those manufacturers configure the Windows desktop however they want-- again, we've managed to draw this thing out long enough where it hardly makes any difference anymore. As for removing Internet Explorer from Windows, well, it's (snicker) totally impossible, so instead we'll provide a version of the operating system that 'hides' the browser. You can't get any fairer than that, right?"

Now, in addition to filing this anemic-sounding plan on Wednesday, Microsoft is expected to ask for more time to prepare a "more thorough" objection to the government's breakup plans. You might think the company's just continuing its long-standing general strategy of stalling while technology advances until its legal hassles no longer apply, but there may be a specific reason for the stall tactics now: according to the Seattle Times, some antitrust experts think Microsoft's holding out until President Clinton leaves office. Once Dubya or Algor takes up residence in the big white house, it's likely that Janet Reno and antitrust dude Joel Klein will hit the road. Once that happens, the climate will be much more suitable for Microsoft to wrangle a "friendly" settlement. Ah, the blistering speed of Due Process of Law. Where are all the vigilantes when you need them?