Ah, it's good to be a consumer today, what with all these computer companies competing for control of our laps. When it comes to the "consumer portable" bandwagon, originally there wasn't much of a band; it was mostly just Dell trying desperately to ape Apple by shipping an obviously iBook-inspired laptop in multiple colors. But now IBM's jumped on board, too-- faithful viewer Shane Burgess sent us to a Reuters story describing Big Blue's "new line of notebook computers targeted at consumers," and some parts of the description are going to sound downright familiar-- and we're not just talking about the pathetically obvious stuff, like how this new line of IBM consumer laptops is called the "ThinkPad i Series." (Is it really that hard to find an original name?)

In particular, we zeroed right in on this little gem: "standard local area network wireless capability, which will allow for Internet access without a cable attached," a feature which IBM says is "first-of-a-kind." Now where have we seen that before? Regular viewers will recall that we damn near had an aneurysm a couple of months ago when Dell announced that its upcoming notebooks would have wireless antennas built right in, and CNET gushed endlessly about how that innovation would let Dell "stay ahead of its rivals." Er, hello? iBook with built-in AirPort antennas, August of 1999? Dell laptop with built-in antennas, September 2000? Someone please do the math and then smack CNET upside the head with the calculator.

Oh, wait... maybe someone already did. Because this time around, CNET's coverage is a heck of a lot more accurate: "IBM, Dell trail Apple in wireless networking push." It's chock full of choice quotes like "that's a feature Apple Computer has offered for more than a year on Mac notebooks, however, and for much less money than what either Dell or IBM will charge." Hey, a solidly Apple-positive article from CNET! Pardon us while we dial 911, because it's aneurysm time again-- but at least this time it's because of a pleasant surprise, which makes the recovery all that much more bearable.

So, as far as we can make out, it's a race for second place. Whereas Apple's entire product line is AirPort-ready and has been for a while, Dell originally planned to catch up with an integrated wireless laptop sometime this month, but may not deliver until "mid to late fourth quarter"-- and IBM says it's launching the i Series in October. Note, however, that IBM's i Series might beat the iBook on price: apparently once it ships, a ThinkPad i Series with the wireless gear built in will cost "around $1400," which is a few hundred bucks cheaper than a similarly-equipped (but, we assume, far classier) iBook. Then again, with the Apple Expo mere days away and a new iBook probably waiting in the wings, here's hoping that Apple plans a price break to keep Dell and IBM on their respective toes.

Okay, kids, what-- hang on, let us repeat that in boldface and capital letters-- just WHAT is up with Sinbad? And we're not looking for general descriptions or career info, like "he's a comedian who happens to have one name like Cher." We're not even looking for obscure insider info, like the fact that he reportedly eats a lot of Chee-tos. What we want is an explanation of how Mr. Bad came to be named in a Salon article first pointed out to us by faithful viewer Tom: "Gates, Sinbad celebrate Microsoft's 25th anniversary." Tom's message was the first drop in a veritable flash flood of email from freaked-out viewers, wondering what Sinbad is doing hanging out with the Redmond camp. Don't ask us for answers; we're as confused as you are.

For the uninitiated, we should probably point out that Sinbad is a bona fide AppleMaster. This is a guy that Apple deems worthy of representing the brand to star-struck celebrity suck-ups the whole world over. More to the point, your friendly neighborhood AtAT staff had the good fortune to see Sinbad perform not once, but twice at Macworld Expo New York, where he delivered Mac-centric standup comedy that had the crowd howling with delight. He was, by all accounts, a Mac geek seriously afflicted with the Apple bug. In the old days we'd say he bleeds six colors; these days, he bleeds translucent. Or so we thought. (Insert dramatic organ chord here.)

These days, mere weeks after his last Expo appearance, he's reportedly shaking his groove thang for Bill's minions: "the comedian Sinbad warmed up the crowd for Gates with some impressive techie jokes." Non-Mac techie jokes, we presume. Hey, we understand that a man's gotta eat, and since Microsoft's "Apple's friend" these days, performing as Bill's warm-up act might not be the betrayal it once was-- but it's got more than a few of the Mac community raising an eyebrow and going "hmmmm." Is Sinbad a double-agent collecting data in Redmond for Apple? Is he a triple-agent really working for Microsoft? Enquiring minds want to know.

To delve deeper into this conundrum, let's take a look at the brief sample of Sinbad's wit delivered at the Microsoft gig: "We've got to improve things at Microsoft. My goal is that you [developers] can go to a party and nobody will know that you work in the technology industry." And, "here's one. If you're tired, you can go home." Well, gee... apparently his whole shtick was about how Microsoft programmers have no lives. So maybe he just couldn't pass up the opportunity to insult the software developers of Redmond on stage and get paid for it. Heck, we'd snap up a gig like that in a millisecond-- of course, our performance would probably be less of a stand-up comedy routine and more of a steady, vitriolic stream of curses and obscenities, but if Bill's willing to pay, we're available most nights and weekends...

Okay, we're going to have to backtrack for a second, here. What started out yesterday as an intended call for Demo Days volunteers inadvertently turned into a bitter diatribe about dress shoes and suboptimal pay scales. How did we wander so far from our intended course, you ask? Why, chalk it up to an attention span too short to measure using today's available technology. Because while we do think there are problems with the Demo Days program as implemented by MarketSource, we certainly never meant to dissuade any of you from signing up and bringing a little Mac magic into the otherwise dull and dreary lives of Circuit City shoppers nationwide.

In fact, we have nothing but respect for the folks who are willing to sacrifice a chunk of time to help Apple move some product. Obviously they don't do it for the money-- and, in fact, the original Demo Days volunteers weren't paid at all-- but for the love of the platform, and a desire to share the Mac's sheer wonderfulness with as many people as possible. While the cynical (and, okay, accurate) viewpoint is that Apple's exploiting the best Mac sales help in the world for mere peanuts, the positive way to look at it is this: people who love the Mac donating some valuable time to help bring more people into the Mac community and make the world a better place. You're perfectly free to feel that it's all just a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap, but anyone who thinks that Macs are "just computers" probably isn't using one.

So does this mean we're going to be out there on Sunday, spreading the Mac gospel to the unwashed heathens in Circuit City? Well, no. Despite the fact that several former Demo Days volunteers have notified us that they showed up for their gigs in sandals and sneakers without hearing a single complaint, unfortunately we've got way too many deadlines looming to spend a whole Sunday praising the Mac's many virtues to passers-by. And considering we spend roughly twenty-five to thirty hours a week every week putting this show together, we think we're logging all the community service we can stand. But if you've got time this Sunday and you live near a Circuit City location that's still in need of a volunteer, consider signing up. You might like it-- and an extra seventy-five bucks never hurt anyone, either.