It's been almost a week, but as a rule, Mac users are a tenacious lot-- and so the quest for meaning continues, as shell-shocked keynote viewers keep searching for an explanation for Steve's uncharacteristically empty bag of tricks last week. Theories vary widely from "Motorola believes gigahertz to be the mark of the beast" to "Microsoft is drugging Cupertino's water supply" to "Apple employees are holding Steve's jet hostage and demanding saner working hours." While regular AtAT viewers should have known better than to expect LCD iMacs, "Son of Pismo" iBooks, updated PowerBooks, or gigahertz Power Macs in all-new enclosures at last week's gig, we fully understand that plenty of Mac fans are looking for some sort of closure.

Well, on the LCD iMac front, at least, faithful viewer the M@d H@tter pointed out one possible explanation why that long-awaited product is late-- or, rather, "late," since it's tough to miss a ship date when none exists. It seems that a Mac OS Rumors reader dug up a potentially telling job opening over at Apple: the mothership is evidently looking for a "Project Design Lead" to spearhead a "mechanical development effort for Apple's next-generation All-in-One products." Is it possible that we're not all currently gushing over new flat-screen iMacs simply because the former project lead had one of those life-altering epiphanies and decided he'd be happier weaving baskets than shaping the next consumer computing phenomenon?

This job opening doesn't necessarily mean a thing; it's entirely possible that these "next-generation All-in-One products" mentioned in the job description aren't iMacs at all, but something else entirely, like some kind of miracle kitchen appliance that chops, shreds, and grates while also making beautiful Julienne potatoes. However, if you're looking for a simple explanation as to why the LCD iMacs aren't done yet, just chalk it up to an unfortunate instance of personnel churn and move on with your life. Trust us, this is an easy way out.

By the way, if you're a mechanical engineer with ten to twelve years' experience and you think you'd like to help create the next iMac, why not apply? After all, you're an AtAT viewer, so you clearly possess vast stores of personal taste. Now all you need is mastery in "mechanisms, materials, heat transfer, SPC, injection molding and metal part design," plus the requisite "grace under pressure"-- which we assume translates into the ability to withstand constant professional scrutiny by His Steveness without bursting into tears or sticking your head in the nearest oven. Gee, does anyone know if this job was vacant before Steve had to address the teeming throngs of Mac users without a new iMac design to unveil? Hmmm... Where do we send condolences to the last employee's family?

Only the fringiest of the fringe were seriously surprised by the lack of a new Apple handheld device during last week's keynote, but heck, what's life without a few borderline-psychotic pipe dreams? Besides, think of it this way: if Apple ever really does produce a new handheld, then we'll have to say goodbye to one of the longest-lived and most entertaining rumors ever to befuddle the Mac faithful. These days (and especially in this economy), we'd rather have the dream than the reality; frankly, if Apple's stock were performing like Palm's or Handspring's right now, we'd be selling pencils on the street.

The fact is, even if Apple does have a handheld ready to go (and we're not necessarily saying that's the case), the company would likely be nuts to try and launch it in this environment, no matter how gosh-darned cool it may be. So if you're still bent on the concept of an Apple-branded handheld, do what we do: stop expecting Steve to whip one out of his back pocket at the next Big Event, and just concentrate on the sketchy bits of so-called "evidence" that add to the flavor of the conspiracy theory du jour. Trust us, it's loads more fun than being disappointed every time Apple introduces new hardware that isn't teeny and stylus-driven.

For instance, faithful viewer Jacob Roebuck has the right idea: he kindly pointed out a CNET article about how Palm is formally moving forward with its plan to migrate the Palm OS platform from Motorola's Dragonball processors to ones based on ARM technology. If your response is "so what?", you're not a true Apple handheld conspiracy theorist-- if you were, you'd immediately jump on the fact that Apple used ARM-based chips in the final iterations of its Newton PDAs until Steve nixed the product line completely a few years back. There's also the little fact that Apple still holds a fair investment in ARM, which is yet another link for the happy rumormonger to incorporate into a wild and wooly "iPDA" scenario.

Let us give you a little push to start you on your way. Palm wants to ditch Motorola's pokey Dragonball chip for, say, a StrongARM so that Palm devices will finally be able to handle "more complex applications, such as video streaming and digital-audio playback." What if one of those "complex applications" is startlingly accurate true handwriting recognition, like the Newton managed to crank out at near-real-time speeds when running on a StrongARM even four years ago? Intriguing, no?

Of course, on the surface, this whole Palm OS-on-ARM thing only really helps those of you who are still expecting Apple's alleged handheld to run Palm's operating system. But what if Apple has been working on a handheld OS based on Mac OS X's core technologies and running on the ARM architecture? If the Palm OS also runs on the ARM, then it's conceivable that Apple's device could run Palm OS apps at a reasonable speed in a handheld equivalent of "Classic." See? There's plenty to work with, here. When we've got endless speculation, who needs the real thing?

[NOTE: Following the broadcast of today's episode, faithful viewer Bruce McLaughlin noted that information on overclocking the QuickSilver Power Macs is also available in English. The usual caveats still apply, though.]

Lastly in today's "Expo No-Show" special, we've got a quickie for all you megahertz junkies out there still staring at your shoes in disbelief. Were you crushed when Steve announced that the clock speeds of the latest Power Macs top out at a mere 867 MHz, instead of finally reaching the elusive gigahertz level? Well, if you're the type who ill-advisedly plunges headlong into dangerous waters with nary a second thought for the safety of yourself or your equipment, dry those tears, order up a QuickSilver, and get ready to void your warranty, because an honest-to-goodness gigahertz Mac is finally within your grasp. (And no, we're not talking about Xtrem, whose increasingly late 1066 MHz XtremMac is also increasingly irrelevant-- and just as vaporous as ever.)

See, a bashful faithful viewer who wishes to remain anonymous tipped us off to a web page which tells you step-by-step how to overclock your 867 MHz Power Mac so that it runs at the magic number of exactly 1 GHz. At least, that's what we think it tells you how to do; our Japanese reading skills are sadly nonexistent, but our "look at the pretty pictures" skills are just as sharp as they were in kindergarten. Nevertheless, if you're daring enough to take the plunge and go messing with jumpers on your Power Mac's motherboard, we strongly recommend that you at least be able to read the instructions instead of making your best guess at each step. (Our favorite bit is the bright red text following the little yellow "caution" sign, which we imagine translates roughly as "DANGER: If you're nuts enough to try this, we can't be held responsible if you inadvertently turn your $2499 investment into a big, pretty doorstop.")

The last images on the page are screenshots of System Profiler revealing the doctored system's G4 to be running at 1000 MHz, and a benchmark program showing the G4/1000 running 12% faster than it did when it began its life as an ordinary, run-of-the-mill G4/867. There you have it; the world's first gigahertz Power Mac running outside of a secret Apple lab. Now that we've shown you that it can be done, we're duty-bound to urge you not to try this at home, kiddies; AtAT is not responsible for any harm that may come to you, your equipment, or your credit line if you choose to ignore our advice. Personally, we're just happy to hear that a gigahertz Power Mac exists; we don't actually need to own one ourselves-- at least, not until Apple sells one ready-made.