Well, the good news for you speed junkies is that Apple has finally introduced the blazingly fast Power Mac G5; the bad news is that it evidently only happened in a parallel dimension. Or possibly Germany. We're sort of unclear on the whole thing, actually, mostly because the only indication that this momentous event took place at all consists of a blurb in a German magazine, and one year of high school German is proving to be spectacularly unhelpful in figuring out just what the deal is. (We knew Herr Gast was lying when he said we'd derive real-world skills from his tutelage. Clearly he failed to reckon with an attention span deficit so profound it makes even a roomful of espresso-torqued toddlers with power tools seem focused by comparison.)

Even Babelfish is rather useless in this instance, since the text is rendered in a graphic, but we get by with a little help from our friends. Faithful viewer milchstrasse notes that the German site MACup posted a scan of the Tomorrow magazine article in question, and even tossed us a handy translation: "Computer manufacturer Apple breaks the sound barrier for fast computers. The new Power Mac G5, introduced at the Macworld fair beginning of January, now finally features a gigahertz processor. The powerpackage is produced in three possible models: with 1.2, with 1.4 and with 1.6 gigahertz." All of you who were banking on the G5 debuting this month, rejoice: your dreams have come true!

This whole G5 announcement has gotten remarkably little press attention, however, so we basically see two possibilities, here. One is that Apple attended some "Macworld fair" aside from the Expo within the last couple of weeks, unveiled some screaming new G5s, and forgot to tell anyone except the German "Internet lifestyle" magazine Tomorrow. The other is that this copy of Tomorrow fell through a wormhole from an alternate universe-- one in which Steve did roll out 1.6 GHz Power Mac G5s during the keynote. Interestingly enough, judging by the accompanying photo of the system, in that dimension Apple apparently feels that the best possible enclosure for such a groundbreaking new machine is the pre-Quicksilver Graphite tower design that originally debuted in September of 1999. But you know those alternate realities; they've got all sorts of zany ideas about fashion over there. Or maybe AlternaSteve is just harboring a really short nostalgia cycle.

One thing we know for sure, though, is that this couldn't be the result of a magazine sending its February issue to press sometime last year complete with content based entirely on unconfirmed rumors and wishful thinking in the hopes that reality just sort of falls into place. Heck, even in alternate realities, publishers are never that journalistically irresponsible, right?

In light of all the recent iMac hoo-haa, we wouldn't blame you if you totally forgot (heck, we sure did), but it's that time again: it's earnings call season. Yes, kids, tomorrow afternoon Apple has to take a deep, cleansing breath and announce to Wall Street just how well-- or how not-so-well-- the company did last quarter, financially speaking. Earnings reports are always a relatively twitchy proposition, but these days they're positively nerve-wracking for skittish investors, since sharply-reduced revenues and tidal waves of red ink are increasingly becoming the status quo for tech companies in general.

Even if you're not an investor in AAPL, odds are you at least have an investment-- emotional or otherwise-- in Apple technology and the Mac platform (and if you're not, why the heck are you tuned in here? Go watch Gilligan's Island or something), so you've still got a stake in Apple's continued fiscal solvency. As such, you may well be interested in getting in on Apple's conference call with the analysts tomorrow. An official Apple media alert indicates that, as usual, you'll be able to hear Money Czar Fred Anderson do his thing either by calling the press dial-in number or by pointing your QuickTime-enabled browser to the official webcast page come showtime.

One important note: if you're a regular fan of the quarterly Fred Anderson show, we should inform you that the time slot has changed slightly. Whereas it's always broadcast at 2 PM Pacific for as long as we can remember, for some undisclosed reason, tomorrow's show starts half an hour later. We suppose it's possible that the time change indicates that Phil Schiller will be warming up the crowd for thirty minutes with his own patented blend of wry social commentary and outrageous prop comedy, but so far we doubt it-- and it's a good thing, too, because a normally hilarious rubber chicken gag can really flop over the phone.

For what it's worth, we're hoping that Fred just needs that extra half hour to get his giggles under control because Apple raked in so much filthy lucre last quarter. The analysts are expecting a profit of eleven cents per share, or about $39 million-- but heck, what do they know? Apple consistently beats their consensus quarter after quarter. If you think you can do better than those know-it-all Wall Street types, don't forget to enter our quarterly Beat The Analysts contest; you've only got until noon Eastern tomorrow to register your own guess for what Fred's going to say. You've got nothing to lose, and everything to gain-- well, at least an Apple-branded travel mug, and either an AtAT t-shirt or some ancient software from our Baffling Vault of Antiquity™. (Hey, it beats an icepick in the brainstem.)

Hands up, who here actually has to work for a living? Okay, those of you with your extremities in the air-- how many of you hate Windows with a passion, but are forced to endure its palpable ickiness day in and day out for the sake of a steady paycheck? Odds are you've fantasized about somehow getting your company to dump its evil Wintels and switch to Macs, thus turning your daily grind into a perpetual vacation-- but you've probably never even bothered trying to persuade the suits in charge, assuming that it's a lost cause. Well, here's a quickie to illustrate that even organizations as big and inert as major national governments are capable of prying the Windows monkey off their backs.

Faithful viewer David Johnson tipped us off to an AppleLinks article which reports that the entire government of Korea has reportedly decided to purchase 120,000 copies of Linux as an alternative to pitching yet more cash at Microsoft. HancomLinux Deluxe 2.0 is apparently a Linux distribution localized for Korean and includes a suite of productivity apps called HancomOffice that's compatible with Microsoft Office's file formats. (Side note: HancomOffice is supposedly being ported to Mac OS X as well.) By going the Linux route, Korea expects to save "80% of what an equivalent purchase of Microsoft products would have cost."

Now, granted, since the goal here was obviously to save money on the up-front purchase price, it's probably safe to say that Korea never even considered buying 120,000 Macs instead. (More's the pity.) But it's still sort of inspirational to hear that an organization that big decided to buck the trend, do the unthinkable, and purchase and deploy so many Microsoft-free workstations. So the next time you're at work and thinking that the best thing about the operating system you're using is FreeCell, consider telling your boss about Korea and asking for a Mac. If he or she refuses, consider getting belligerent and making thinly-veiled threats of violence. Heck, what's the worst that could happen-- you could get fired? Big deal; they made you use Windows anyway...