Wow, is it just us, or does it seem like Apple has been on a real spending spree lately? Not even two full months ago, word got out that Apple had written a check for Nothing Real, the makers of the high-end compositing software "Shake" that has all of Hollywood a-quiverin'. In the year prior to that, Apple had picked up both Spruce Technologies and PowerSchool. And now, as faithful viewer Jonas points out, an official Apple press release indicates that Steve has ordered Fred Anderson to bust out the checkbook so Apple can add a horse named Zayante to its ever-increasing stable. That's four acquisitions in just over a year-- not a bad track record in an economy that's had other companies closing plants and giving out so many pink slips you'd think they were AOL CD-ROMs.

So what is Zayante, and what's so cool about it that Shopper Steve just had to have it? Well, according to Apple, Zayante is "a leader in IEEE 1394 (FireWire®) technology." Now, you might find it a little strange that Apple would feel a sudden urge to buy a company that specializes in FireWire when Apple itself invented the stuff. But since Zayante makes the "silicon and software" that manufacturers actually stick in their FireWire devices, well, it all makes a certain kind of sense given Apple's enhanced focus on "making the whole widget" in the Second Jobs Dynasty. Plus, you know, "Zayante" just sounds cool. If it were the name of an evil space emperor in a movie or something, you just know he'd be a total badass.

Of course, if you dig a little deeper, you'll also find that Zayante's Chief Technology Officer and co-founder is one Michael Johas Teener, who just happens to have been "the chief architect of Apple Computer's FireWire technology" and the "originator of the P1394b gigabit effort." And Senior Systems Engineer Jay Hamlin is also an Apple alum who "made original contributions" to the FireWire project. (He also worked on PiPPiN, but of course we won't hold that against him.) In other words, yeah, Apple invented FireWire-- but some of the key people at Apple who did the actual inventing apparently sought greener pastures in the Dark Days of 1996. By purchasing Zayante, Apple gets a couple of them back.

This all starts to look even more interesting amid rumors that Apple is way less than thrilled with the fact that USB 2.0 is now shipping, while FireWire 2 (1394b) is still missing in action. Or inaction. Whatever. We get the distinct sense that Apple is looking to juice the goose and get the faster FireWire implementations out the door and onto the shelves ASAP so the anti-FireWire sects have to stop tossing around that "480 Mbps is faster than 400!" stuff. (1394b, if it ever actually surfaces, will start at 800 Mbps, ya know.)

Lastly, we can think of only one more reason why Apple might have purchased Zayante: if you start messing with anagrams, you'll find that the names of Apple's four most recent acquisitions can be rearranged to spell "phosphorescent owl gun, reactionary zeal." And really, what more reason would any right-thinking company need?

Judging by the number of viewers now wearing hardhats and hurriedly shoveling emergency supplies into basement bomb shelters (yes, we can see you-- hi!), apparently many of you have already heard the news: CNET reports that today Apple "cut a small number of jobs as part of an ongoing restructuring effort." We'd like to take this opportunity to step out of character and assure you all that Apple dishing out a few pink slips is no reason to go all squirrelly and start panicking about the imminent end of the world.

Um, excuse us for a moment, won't you?...

THE SKY IS FALLING!! THE SKY IS FALLING!! WE'RE ALL GONNA FRICKIN' DIE IN FLAMES AND SCREAMING HORROR!!!

...Okay, much better. Sorry, we just had to get that out of our systems. Our embarrassing addiction to all things melodrama aside, we're actually fairly confident that Apple's official stance on these layoffs is relatively spin-free; while the company won't disclose exactly how many jobs were trimmed from its sales and support teams (for all we know, it's just the fifty that the company already mentioned in its last 10-Q filing), a company rep very reasonably pointed out that "Apple remains one of the few large companies in the Valley who hasn't had major layoffs in these challenging times." Furthermore, as we've pointed out on at least one occasion in the past, even though Apple occasionally makes with a few pink slips, the company's total number of employees keeps increasing.

Don't forget, Apple's been buying up companies like crazy lately, which, in addition to occasionally increasing headcount, isn't the typical behavior of a corporation in serious financial trouble because its CFO flew to Rio with $4 billion in cash. (We're still watching you like a hawk, though, Fred Anderson, so don't try anything funny.) To us this all implies that, unlike most companies' recent "layoffs due to restructuring" (which our BusinessSpeak-English Dictionary translates as "we're slashing headcount in a desperate attempt to keep our bottom line from plunging into a bottomless chasm of fiscal despair"), Apple's cuts are-- believe it or not-- actually layoffs due to restructuring. How wacky is that? But then again, we've been accused on more than one occasion of seeing the world through Steve-colored glasses, so if you'd like to keep hauling bottled water and creamed corn into the basement, be our guests.

"In stock at last, in stock at last, thank Steve Almighty, they're in stock at last!" Okay, fine, so the prospect of finally being able to find scads of G4 iMacs in non-Apple-retail outlets may pale in comparison to the vision of an end to racial injustice and the advent of true freedom for all people regardless of race, color, or creed-- but hey, it's still pretty darn cool. Faithful viewer Bob Gulien tipped us off to a Macworld UK article which reports that ComputerWare, a string of Bay Area Mac stores, just got hit by a "deluge" of "hundreds of all three new iMac G4 models," and that its waiting list is now "history." iMacs for everybody! (Well, everybody with the cash, that is.)

Once we heard that, we did a little poking around, and right off the bat we noticed that both MacConnection and MacMall have at least some configurations in stock and ready to ship. Heck, MacMall actually claims to be sitting on over 1800 of the SuperDrive models, which, frankly, borders on sheer decadent excess-- especially considering that just a couple of weeks ago, plenty of resellers were reporting that they'd received maybe fifty new iMacs total since the January unveiling. And now some resellers are positively swimming in them-- and with any luck, soon the rest of the stores will be, too. Pretty soon G4 iMacs will be spilling out into the streets. It's like some sort of beautiful dream.

What this means, of course, is that as long as the iMac demand hasn't dropped off too much since last January, Apple is kicking this quarter off with a bang. Hey, maybe Steve can pull some strings and get the iMac back on the cover of Time-- you know, now that people can actually buy the things. (iMacs, that is, not Time covers.) At the very least, we wouldn't be at all surprised to see the "Window" commercial suddenly return to heavy rotation. Of course, if we were in charge, we'd probably force all Apple employees worldwide to wear iMac hats on their heads 24-7 to advertise the product. But then, we've been told we're abusive with power. Now KNEEL! Hahahahahaaaa!!!