Whoa, hold the phone, there, Mabel, 'cause the portly woman isn't belting out any arias just yet. Last week we covered the Appletastic drama simmering right here in our own backyard (figuratively speaking, of course; the only thing simmering in our actual backyard is that sludgy stuff that's collected in the Birdbath of a Thousand Screams™) concerning Macworld Expo's planned move to Boston and the evidence that IDG has already decided to back out on the deal. That, however, is not the unresolved situation to which we referred earlier when we mentioned the stout songstress and her continued state of clam-uppedness; despite IDG post-Greco bigwig David Korse's claim that he's "launched an in-depth study on the merits of New York vs. Boston" and will report his decision on September 1st, as far as we're concerned, the fact that IDG has already cancelled its block of rooms at Boston's Seaport Hotel means that the decision's been made and Korse is just trying to buy time to build a drawbridge and a moat around IDG's Boston-area headquarters so that the locals have a tougher time lynching him when he finally admits to the decision.

No, what we're talking about is our earlier pronouncement that, in all likelihood, the show would remain in New York, and that we were wrong about the summer Expo instead kicking its little legs in the air and dying a painful death altogether. Since we said that, further buzz has emerged which hints that we may have been wrong about, well, being wrong; the Boston Globe has all sorts of juicy tidbits about the scandal, not the least of which is that Massachusetts Convention Center Authority executive director Jim Rooney "expressed doubt that IDG would hold any expo for Macintosh computer users on the East Coast next year." Says Jim, "it was great in its time, but now the career is over."

Obviously there's some bitterness from the Beantown crew over losing the show to New York in 1998, winning it back, and then losing it again, so Rooney might not be the most objective source when speculating about the end of the summer Macworld Expo. (The man also worked in the requisite Bostonian snipe at NYC: "The show we sent away was a great show, and then it spent 5 years in New York and deteriorated." Personally, we weren't born in either place, we don't follow baseball, and we love both cities, so the whole Boston-vs.-New York thing never really clicked for us.) However, IDG's Korse confirms at least that the whole "Macworld CreativePro" refocusing goofiness is here to stay, and that even if the show does happen, either in Boston or in New York, next year it'll just be called "CreativePro": "Macworld is only going to happen once a year, in January, in California."

Hmmmm... this is starting to unfold pretty darn exactly how our conspiracy-obsessed brains predicted way back when this whole fracas started: Apple doesn't want to blow the cash on two domestic Expos a year, and used the summer show's move back to Boston as a convenient means to kill it altogether. (Apparently just because we're paranoid doesn't mean that everyone isn't out to get us. Or prove us right. Or something.) Nothing's carved in stone yet, of course, and if you're the betting type, AppleInsider claims that its sources put the chance of the 2004 summer show not happening at all in any way, shape, form, or location at about 40%. But no matter what, Korse himself has confirmed that if it does happen, it still won't be Macworld, which presumably means (judging by last month's significantly reduced gig) no Stevenote and no big Apple product announcements.

So here's the latest conspiracy theory we're kicking around: suppose this is all a way for Apple to pump up its own Worldwide Developers Conference as the new big mid-year event for the Mac faithful? Consider the following:

• Apple moved this year's show from May to late June, supposedly to get more time to cobble together a Panther developer release. Is this a permanent move, in part to reposition the show as a summer Expo replacement for Stevenote/product intro purposes?

• Think Secret has alluded to "unconfirmed reports" that this year's WWDC "was managed by Apple 'corporate'" instead of the company's Worldwide Developer Relations group, which has always run WWDC in the past. "The 2003 WWDC was a significantly larger event, taking place at the Moscone Center in San Francisco rather than the smaller San Jose venue it's taken in past years." Just a happy indication of increased developer interest in the Mac platform, or a sign of the MacworldExpoification of the show?

• Unlike Macworld Expo, WWDC is run by Apple and Apple maintains total control-- for example, security to protect those precious Stevenote secrets is a zillion times easier without IDG holding the keys to the castle and hundreds of third party companies setting up booths.

• Macworld Expo costs a couple hundred bucks (for any pass that includes keynote access), of which Apple presumably gets nil. WWDC, being a developers' conference, costs about $1300-- assuming you sign up early. Apple gets to pocket it all.

So whaddaya think? Just the ravings of a deranged mind, or is Apple hoping to see a healthy new revenue stream as non-programmers sell their cars for WWDC tickets next year in hopes of witnessing a Stevenote as spectacular as last June's? Is it furthermore hoping that some of those non-programmers get sucked into Mac development while they're there and wind up creating the killer app that eventually causes 80% of the Wintel-using world to jump ship for the Light Side of the Force? We'll see come next year...

Hey, buddy, why the furrowed brow? The haunted look? The air of quiet desperation? Wait, don't tell us, let us guess: you ordered a Power Mac G5 about twelve milliseconds after they showed up online at the Apple Store, and you're giddily awaiting the day when it arrives on your doorstep and you finally get to punch yourself through a supporting wall and get your house condemned-- but because of the whispers of massive demand and sketchy supply, you're starting to get a little edgy about your delivery date maybe getting pushed forward into the next decade or so. Meanwhile, your intact and uncondemned dwelling seems to taunt you with its jeering fitness for human occupation.

Well, not to alarm you still further, but your concern may indeed be genuine; lead times on new G5 orders are in the 7-10 week range, at least for the dual-processor model (which is still in the Top Ten at the Apple Store). Then there was that InfoWorld article from a mere two weeks ago which reported that the G5 processor was "not yet in production" at IBM's spiffing new chip fabrication plant in Fishkill, NY, which is enough to make anyone a tad nervous. And while you might have been comforted somewhat by those reports that certain "larger corporate and government customers" had already received at least some Power Mac G5s last month (implying that at least the machine's been in active production for a while), Mac OS Rumors insists that said reports are bull-hockey: "Nope. BS Factor: 10. Maybe 11, even."

But don't freak out, here, because there is some good news about Power Mac delivery dates, and it comes from a pretty trustworthy source-- Apple itself. Forbes recaps Apple's previous major too-much-demand, no-freakin'-supply missteps of days past, dredging up such painful memories as the flat-panel iMac flub and the ever-popular 1999 G4 shortage that ensued when Motorola decided to see if it could make PowerPCs with a mountain-fresh scent by forgoing silicon for those pine tree-shaped air fresheners. (You find one in every car.) No, that's not the part that's supposed to make you feel better. The happy bit is this: "An Apple spokeswoman says the company remains on target to ship all orders for G5 machines this month." There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth (no offense to the nice Apple spokeswoman). Heck, if she's right about that, it sounds like even people who ordered last week should get their systems by early September. So you can relax now.

What's that? You didn't order a G5? You say the furrowed brow, haunted look, and air of quiet desperation are actually because lately you're feeling alone and unloved in a Godless universe, and you're increasingly convinced that Good and Evil are social constructs that are subjective if not entirely arbitrary and/or fictional? You're questioning the fundamental purpose for our existence upon this planet's surface and you're becoming more and more terrified that there isn't one?

Well, duh. That's because you haven't ordered a G5 yet, genius. Now get with the program.

Just a quickie, here: you may have noticed that Hewlett-Packard went a little trigger-happy with the Product Launch Gun today, unveiling over a hundred new products as part of its new "Enjoy more" consumer strategy. Why? Well, apparently it's a "direct response to complex proprietary systems that have led the consumer electronics landscape for years"; HP's triple-digit simultaneous product launch intends "to easily bring digital photos, music, and video to life in new and enriching ways." Hmmm... now just what does that strategy remind us of? Here's a hint: it sounds a lot like "Digital Hub" if you replace the D with an M, reverse the order of just the vowels, turn the words upside down, convert the letters into numbers according to the order of the alphabet, throw away the piece of paper on which you're writing, get a fresh sheet, and write down "Digital Hub" again. (Underneath you can scribble the phrase "ease of use.")

Indeed, the Financial Times reports that HP is pushing "to be seen as the Apple Computer of the PC market." Great. So now we've got Apple trying to be the Sony of the personal computer market and HP trying to be the Apple of the personal computer market. All that's left is for Sony to announce that it aims to become the Hewlett-Packard of the personal computer market (for some reason) and the universe will collapse in upon itself and all existence will cease. Which would be kind of neat to watch, actually, but the coolness factor is more than outweighed by the fact that there'd be no more PEZ.

So here's the thing: according to FT, Hewlett-Packard has "adopted a new design philosophy to develop a broad portfolio of products that are designed to work better together and are easier for consumers to use." It's all about "Rewarding Experiences through Simplified Technology." Of course, the one thing that seems to have largely escaped notice is that embracing simplicity by disgorging over a hundred products in a day like a research and development department with the stomach flu somewhat flies in the face of the whole "simplicity" concept in the first place; it's a forest-trees thing. Apple hasn't had more than a handful of discrete hardware products (nor has it had product names with numbers like "zd7000") since Steve wrenched the company out of the Amelio days and brought it back to basics. But hey, best of luck with that, HP.

As HP CEO Carly Fiorina stated, "Today marks a new beginning for consumers who have been turned off by complicated technology... Our vision is simple: place you, the consumer, at the center of the digital experience by making technology that is simple, fun to use, and works better together." She then excused herself because her black turtleneck was giving her a rash.