Bust open them piggy banks, shoppers; 'tis the season to buy iPods, fa la la la la something something etc. Current marketing data suggests that every U.S. resident over the age of four will buy between two and six of the little silver-'n'-white doohickeys before the year is out because they're just so gosh-darned nifty. There's just one problem: with demand this strong, what happens if the supply goes bye-bye? We imagine there'd be chaos, looting, and maybe even a little-- dare we say it?-- jaywalking. But Apple wouldn't let something like that ever happen, would it?

Well, don't be so sure. Faithful viewer bo tipped us off to a Financial Times article which makes alarmist claims about the iPod being "in short supply for Christmas," both here in the states and in certain foreign markets like the United Kingdom. According to FT, Apple "appears to have underestimated the surge in demand for its players," and allegedly "most stores in New York have sold out of the larger capacity models and do not expect to get more before the holidays." Panic! Panic NOW!!

Actually, though, this is the first we'd heard of an imminent holiday iPod shortage, and given that such a thing is likely to incite bloody riots all across the nation and really screw up our morning commute, we decided to do some actual investigation for a change. (We know what you're thinking: the Apple Rumor Union is going to fine us again. Not to worry, folks-- this time we're entrusting our fates to justice, decency, and incriminating photographs of the local union boss.) The New York stores were closed by the time we got onto this, but we burned some free night & weekend minutes calling random Apple retail stores in the three other time zones in the continental U.S. to do an inventory check: of the five stores we called in five different states, four had all three iPod configurations in stock, and the last store had 10s and 40s, but had just run out of 20s. Meanwhile, the online Apple Store currently lists all three models as shipping the "same business day." Maybe it's just us, but that doesn't sound like much of a drought.

So if there is a shortage, maybe it's just in New York; FT doesn't cite any other examples, and the article was written by somebody in New York, so for all we know the guy went to three CompUSA stores trying to buy an iPod for his fiancée, had no luck, and then wrote an article about it. All we can say for sure is, at least for now, it doesn't look like you'll have any trouble getting your two to six iPods at your nearest Apple retail store-- and if you do, there's always the Apple Store online. So you can probably relax at least enough to step in off of the ledge. Still, we recommend that you get your orders in ASAP, just in case FT knows something we don't. And if an iPod shortage does occur, for the sake of all that's holy, stay inside. People were losing entire limbs at the height of the Tickle Me Elmo crisis of 1996.

Just a quick update on the Expo rumors, folks; now that we're less than a month away from the Stevenote, we're required by law to provide coverage of pre-event scuttlebutt at least three days out of every five-- and since we're still doing community service for our last infraction, we're really trying to stay on the good side of Johnny Law right now. (We're even detailing his car next week. Who knew he drives a Ford Probe?)

The latest Expo buzz comes courtesy of AppleInsider, who claims to have weeded some reliable info out of an "abundance of misinformation." They say "abundance of misinformation," we say Crapalanche™-- you wouldn't believe some of the stuff people are sending us. Quick tip for the fledgling hoaxsters out there: "high-ranking managers working at One Infinite Loop" typically don't send their email from a Windows 98 box running at a public high school three states over. Well, Jon Rubinstein does, but he's the only one. We swear. The commute is just a killer, and Jon's the only one who's really into audiobooks.

Anyway, AI confirms that, yes, Virginia, there will be Power Mac updates come January, and as of right now, at least, "an all dual processor lineup is in the works." Word has it that the dual 2.0 GHz configuration currently ruling the Mac roost will actually become Apple's new entry-level Power Mac, with dual 2.2 and 2.4 GHz models rounding out the rest of the One Big Happy. If that turns out to be true, then we can already hear the sound of a few thousand people all opening their wallets; when the "low end" gets a 25% clock speed boost and two, two, two chips for the price of one (well, okay, for the price of about 1.3, more likely, but still), it's time to upgrade. A lot.

Only time will tell if this comes to pass, of course, but it's certainly well within the realm of physical possibility-- especially since no prices are given. We always cringe a little whenever the price of the cheapest system in a given product line goes up instead of down, but for a jump from a single 1.6 GHz processor to a pair of 2.0 GHz ones, we hardly think we'll have cause to complain. No worries, though-- we're sure we'll find something else to complain about. We're really good at it.

And thus fulfills our legal rumorological obligations for the week. Say, can somebody sign this time card?...

Geez Louise, what is it with Microsoft attracting periodic charges of antisemitism by people messing around with fonts? Perhaps you recall that whole "NYC" thing, when somebody noticed that "NYC" in the Webdings font looks like "Eye Heart New York," but in Wingdings it looks like "skull-and-crossbones star-of-David thumbs-up." Well, if that one was too subtle for you (!), now there's even more overt grounds for the paranoid to decry the bigotry inherent in Microsoft's fonts: faithful viewer Chief notes that a CNET article is reporting the presence of two swastikas in one of the symbol fonts that ships with Microsoft Office. Whoops! Someone call Webster's and tell them we've got a new definition for the word "careless." Oh, and also for "dumbass."

Microsoft claims the whole thing was an accident and is understandably denying any and all "malicious intent," noting that the swastika-bearing font in question, Bookshelf Symbol 7, was "derived from a Japanese font set." By so stating, Microsoft is presumably hoping to remind offended customers that the swastika predates its appropriation by the Nazis by at least hundreds of years and is common in Japan where, to buddhists, it symbolizes "the feet or footprints of the Buddha." Or maybe the company just means "hey, Japan was buddy-buddy with Hitler back in World War II-- go yell at them about slapping Nazi propaganda into fonts that we're apparently shipping without ever having looked at." In any event, it's actually pretty easy to believe that Microsoft included the swastikas without noticing; everyone knows they don't test software before they ship it, so the entire issue of intent goes straight out the window. For all they know, there's hardcore porn in the About box.

(There isn't, but we know you're dying to check. We'll wait.)

Okay, so there you go: Japanese font, buddhist symbol, allegations of corporate antisemitism defused. Remember, kiddies: just because they're evil doesn't mean they're bigots. Of course, there are other questionable factors lurking in Microsoft products that may be slightly harder to explain. For instance, you all know and loathe Clippy, that much-maligned animated "intelligent assistant" whose only job in Microsoft Office appears to be to say "it looks like you're writing a letter" thirty times a day. What many of you may not realize is that before his commercial debut, the beta-stage Clippy was named "Lil' Führer," sported a narrow black moustache, and always spouted the catch-phrase "it looks like you're invading Poland." If Microsoft has a reasonable explanation for that, we'd love to hear it.