For many of us Mac fanatics, the one great joy in our lives is clicking the "Update Now" button in Software Update and finding one or two new updaters kicking around on Apple's servers, just begging to be downloaded. Sad? Well, no; we're just highly appreciative of fine craftsmanship in all its forms, including well-wrought updaters that further strengthen an already stellar Mac-using experience.

Okay, you're right; it is sad. But it's not like we're going to change now, so deal with it.

Besides, there's a possibility that you might gain a newfound sense of respect and awe for those updaters when you learn where they come from. Here's a little-known fact about Apple's software updates: they aren't so much written and tested by a skilled team of in-house developers as they are periodically disgorged from the belly of a strange and wondrous creature known as "the Great Update Beast." It's true! The knowledge of whence the GUB came has long been lost in the swirling mists of time, but the fact of the matter is that Apple keeps feeding it CD-Rs of all of the company's current software, and every so often it coughs up a disc containing a point-release update for one of Apple's products. It's one of those perfect symbiotic relationships that would actually be quite touching if it weren't also kinda gross.

And speaking of gross, apparently the GUB recently got hold of some bad fish or something, because it's been horking up updates almost nonstop for the past couple of days. Projectile updating, you might say. Yuck.

See, it was one thing to get both a Battery Update and Mac OS X 10.3.2 in the course of a single day, but for those to be immediately followed by QuickTime 6.5 and iTunes 4.2 smacked of tummy trouble for the GUB. And then for Apple also to have shipped, as MacRumors notes, Final Cut Pro 4.1.1, LiveType 1.1.1, Xcode 1.1, and DVD Studio Pro 2.0.3 right after that, well, apparently we should have gotten ol' Gubbie a flu shot when we had the chance, because it clearly can't keep anything down. Indeed, aside from the massive spew of updaters (at last count there have been 6,434 in the past three days), there are other signs that the Beast just isn't itself right now; for example, that Xcode update has already been pulled for unspecified reasons. (Apparently it just wasn't his best work.)

While the spate of updates is a welcome change from Apple's typical steady trickle ("It's like Christmas in December!"), we're finding it hard to enjoy the downpour while the health of the Great Update Beast is so clearly at issue right now. We'd send him some soup, but if it is the stomach flu, that might just make things worse, and before you know it we'll be knee-deep in updates for long-dead products like MacPaint and eWorld. It's probably best just to let this thing run its course. And who knows? Maybe by the time the GUB is feeling like his old self again, we'll all have a Mac OS X-native OpenGL update of the original "Gerbils!" to play with.

Speaking of updates, iTunes 4.2 is one whose significance bears special examination, because it marks a major turning point in the software's evolution: version 4.2 represents the AOLification of the iTunes Music Store. (Hold me, Mommy!) That's right, people; according to Apple's press release, as of right now, AOL's eleven gazillion subscribers can find iTMS links for "featured tracks" appearing in AOL Music. Clicking a link launches iTunes and sends them straight to the track at the iTMS for preview and/or purchase, and apparently they won't even need to create an Apple ID because they can sign in with their AOL screen names and pay for tunes via their AOL Wallet (whatever that is) or their on-file credit card. We sense an impending onslaught of iTMS business.

Sounds a little scary, doesn't it? But fear not, folks; sure, if the iTMS were your favorite funky local record store where you enjoy spending lazy Sundays picking through the vinyl bins in hopes of finding lost treasure, then this AOL tie-in would suddenly send thousands of mouth-breathing troglodytes descending upon your hangout like locusts in search of CDs by American Idol stars. Good thing the iTMS is entirely virtual, right? You can do your own thing and never even realize that there are thousands and thousands of AOL subscribers buying way too much Aaron Carter music one virtual aisle over.

In fact, AOL sending business-- potentially a ridiculously huge amount of business-- to the iTMS is a darn good thing. We're actually very anxious to see how this deal affects Apple's song sales rate, which is already the best in the industry and now stands to get a serious boost into the stratosphere. A successful iTMS means more new features and more new songs, which equals happy times for the rest of us. And believe it or not, that's not the only benefit we get out of this deal: the rest of us non-AOL-using iTMS customers now get access to a bit of exclusive AOL content in the form of Sessions@AOL songs showing up in the iTMS catalog. We never thought we'd actually be happy about being allowed to purchase AOL-originated music, but we gotta say-- this live track we just bought of Iggy Pop's "I Wanna Be Your Dog" is rocking our world. It's actually making us feel awake at five in the morning.

So, welcome to the store, AOL; just wipe your feet before you come in. And fer cryin' out loud, finish your Big Gulp first.