Oh, suuuuure iPods won't lure more customers over to the Mac side of the playground, Steve; sheesh, we can't believe we bought that "decision not to use the iPod to drive people to Macs" line; we're usually cynical enough to duck that sort of bull. But suckered we were, kids, and here we are just a couple of months later, starting to see some more of that "evidence starting to mount that Apple is poised to pick up some PC share with consumers" to which BusinessWeek alluded a few weeks back. What sort of evidence, you ask? Howzabout a bucketful of steaming anecdotal testimony from multiple university computer sellers who claim that, this back-to-school season, the Mac has been hot hot hot?

No, seriously-- assuming you trust USA Today (and as we all know, it's far too pretty and colorful to lie to us), "many students, after falling in love with the iPod, are packing for college with new Apple Macintosh computers." At the University of Oregon's computer store, one sales associate notes that just two years ago, "people wouldn't even look at Macs," but now "two-thirds of them" come in wanting Macs right from the get-go. Meanwhile, at the University of Arizona's store, Mac sales now comprise "6 of 10" computers sold. Extrapolating wildly from unscientific, unverified, and woefully insufficient data, that would mean that Macs are scoring something in the 63% region when it comes to market share in higher education.

Oh, don't even bother with the startled gasps, because we can hear you already: "63%? But wait, even with the narrower market focus, what about that 2% figure they keep throwing at us?" Well, we don't mention it often, folks, but it's well worth keeping in mind that the 2% Apple market share you always hear about is probably derived from sales data that includes a vast number of computers sold in markets in which Apple isn't even competing (yet). So while it may technically be true that only one of every fifty computers sold is a Mac, you might consider the possibility that of the other forty-nine, ten or so are being made into those cheesy supermarket check-out terminals, twenty are going straight into fluorescently-lit beige cubicles to be operated from 9 to 5 by corporate assembly-line beancounters and suicidal data entry temps, etc. In markets in which Apple actually bothers to compete (like, say, education), it's apparently doing quite well.

And no, this isn't just the result of the current iPodmania; last year Apple had a 40% share at the U. of Arizona, and that was before the iPod mini threw the whole planet into some weird kind of brain-fever consumer frenzy. True, it was no 60%, but it sure wasn't any 2%, either. Indeed, IDC claims that Apple's market share in education overall is 26.7%; Apple's share among purchasers for graphics, sound, and video creators is surely even higher still. Heck, even if we could see numbers just for home consumer purchases, we bet Apple would be doing a whole lot better than a runty 2%. (And let's not even get into the difference between quarterly market share and installed user base.)

Not that we're going to write off the iPod's contribution to the Mac's growing popularity among the college set, of course. Says Lynnsey Bender, who "just picked up an Apple iBook laptop to go with her new iPod" (which is somewhat akin to picking up a new Mercedes to go with your sporty new automotive floor mats, but hey, whatever), "Everyone I know at school has switched this summer, or is in the process of going to Mac. Apple is so much easier to use. It's awesome." And there's also Windows's continuing secondary role as Virus Soup; New York University's campus store claims that "every week... three or four people switch [to a Mac] for just that reason."

Kinda warms your heart, doesn't it? And we're sure that the Mac's massive upswing in popularity among collegefolk right now has nothing whatsoever to do with that whole "buy a laptop, get an iPod for $69" deal. Nope. Nothing at all. (cough) Whatever it is, though, we're just happy to hear that the kids are developing some taste. We were beginning to fear the advent of a Beige Planet.

Oy, what a headache. Honestly, folks, you're lucky if you lost all interest in RealNetworks's fake-consumer-advocacy FreedomofMusicChoice.org site last week once the initial chuckles over its hideously botched launch had subsided, because if you'd wound up obsessed like us, you'd be fuming over the site's latest developments just like we are. There's a level of shamelessness inherent in the actions of Rob Glaser and his crew over the past week that, frankly, we thought was reserved strictly for Microsoft antitrust lawyers. Scary stuff.

Remember when it launched, the site claimed to be "an invitation for your dialogue and thoughts, whether it's about us or any other player on the field" and allowed users to register so they could contribute to the discussion by posting comments after its articles? Remember when they pulled the comments feature in a blind panic when it became apparent that all of the comments were pro-Apple and anti-Real? Remember when Real suddenly realized how bad that looked, and the comments came back, complete with a few fishy "hey, Real is okay" comments tacked on by, er, "somebody"? Well, faithful viewer Phil Breske informs us that the comments are gone again-- as is any way to register for an account or log in. In fact, all former references to "dialogue" are gone; the site now says it's "intended as a destination for consumers to learn more about the issues of music choice in the growing digital music arena." In other words, "sit down, shut up, and listen to us whine incessantly because we weren't the ones who invented the iPod."

Nowhere is the whole "preaching to the heathens" attitude more obvious than in the new "Rock On, Rob!" Q & A corner, in which the Q's are asked not by actual visitors to the site, but by some ghostly disembodied Voice of Real which exists solely to lob slow pitches at Rob Glaser so he can recite sanctimonious A's about how Real "stands up for consumer choice." Given how wrong and self-serving his scripted responses are, it's no wonder he didn't want to try this with an audience that could talk-- or post-- back. Consider this little excerpt: "You buy a CD and you can play it back on any CD player. That's the way it's been for decades. Now Apple has tried to change the rules on consumers, but without warning."

Now, see, that's news to us-- we had no idea that, because of Apple, we can no longer buy CDs and play them on any player. Heck, we didn't even know that Apple even sold CDs! Gosh, we're out of touch. Of course, if Rob is dim enough to mean that Apple is changing the rules for legal downloadable music, he's wrong there, too; Apple isn't changing the rules, it's creating them. After all, before April of last year, nobody was really paying for individual song downloads in the first place. If Glaser honestly thinks that digital downloaded music must inherently carry the same "freedom of choice" as traditional CDs, then how come if we Mac users choose to buy our tunes at Real's store, we're shut out at the front door? Gee, we've always been able to buy our CDs at Best Buy, or Tower, or Newbury Comics-- "that's the way it's been for decades."

And how about this lovely bit of shameless distortion: "We have had tens of thousands of people come to the Freedom of Music Choice site, and thousands sign our petition. In fact after a few days it's already one of the top 5 petition campaigns among thousands hosted by the petition service we work with." Gee, he absolutely neglects to mention of the fact that at least 90% of the people originally signing Real's petitions did so expressly to call Glaser a jerk, a thief\, a moron, etc.-- and it also apparently slipped his mind that faithful viewer Michael-Luke Jones's anti-Real petition has consistently had more than twice as many signatures, and (of course) always ranked higher on PetitionOnline's Top Ten Most Active list. (At broadcast time it was at number 9; the Real petition had dropped off the list completely and had only added 128 signatures in the past two and a half days, during which time the anti-Real one had picked up another 393-- over three times as many.)

The distortion continues: "The press has also really picked up on the issue all over the country as well." Um, yes, again, technically true-- not because the press was enthralled by any alleged crusade for inviolable listeners' rights, but because there were about six dozen news stories (like, say, this one) about how Real's cheesy and pitifully transparent attempt to come across as a caring, pro-consumer company backfired worse than anything the world has seen since Wile E. Coyote stopped trying to catch the Road Runner with disaster-prone explosives and jetpacks from ACME.

And what about the common complaint that Real had no right to blame Apple for suppressing freedom of music choice when Real's own service doesn't even support Macs? "We are certainly open to studying the idea of bringing Harmony [Real's DRM-morphing software] to the Mac platform, and I would not rule this out in the future." Gee, Rob, that's great-- of course, it'll do us no good whatsoever since your freakin' store isn't Mac-compatible in the first place, but hey, we'll get to launch Harmony software and use it on squat; what could be more fun? And anyway, what possible reason would we have to buy music from Real, unless you port Harmony (and your store) to the Mac before you stop your "limited time" 49-cent download promotion? Here we are, holding our breath...

Well, at least we get to end on a laugh instead of a tirade: says Rob in his company's defense, "we do have a number of really good products for the Mac, for instance RealPlayer 10 for OS X..." Mmmmmpppghhaaa ha ha ha ha haa! Now that's comedy gold!

We're afraid we've got bad news for several Power Mac G5 customers: wouldja believe those dual-2.5 GHz systems have been delayed even longer? According to MacNN, some customers who had originally been quoted July 30th ship dates-- which had already been bumped once to August 20th-- have been bumped again, this time to August 30th, because "the demand for this item has been incredible." Evidently the supply of 2.5 GHz G5 chips from IBM has been, sadly, slightly less incredible. Whaddaya mean there's no curse?

But wait, 'cause there's more on the Power Mac delay front. On top of another ship date slide for the high-end liquid-cooled nitro-burnin' funny Macs, MacMinute reports that the super-crazy NVidia GeForce 6800 Ultra DDL video card (required to drive Apple's super-crazier 30-inch Apple Cinema Display) has been delayed as well, holding up shipments of some lower-speed but exceptionally graphically-inclined Power Macs until September 13th. (Customers have been given the option to receive their Macs sooner, but with a lower-end card installed and the real goods shipped separately later. You know-- just like with that GeForce3 delay from three years back.)

So how are these poor, Mac-deprived customers supposed to survive a few extra G5-less weeks? Well, how about taking solace in the shared pain of likewise-hurting members of the Mac community-- and living vicariously through the joy of those whose suffering has finally ended? Faithful viewer kylector notes that there's a thread in the MacRumors Forums perpetuated by impatient 2.5 GHz customers that is now a startling 146 pages long, chronicling the frustration of those with a need for speed but nothing to do but wait for the FedEx guy. And when you've got that much time on your hands, why not ease the suffering by putting together a web site that obsessively tracks dozens of Power Mac orders and how long they've been delayed? Because someone sure did. (Go ahead-- add your order if you haven't already. You'll feel better.)

Now, there's a lot of pain in that MacRumors thread, true, but in the most recent pages comes the giddy thrill of blessed relief as several lucky participants begin to receive their orders. And, of course, most of them are posting the obligatory photo albums showing the fetishistic ritual of The Opening of the Boxes; some are even posting pictures of the delivery guy who ended their longtime suffering.

So don't despair, folks, because there is some light at the end of that dark, dark tunnel... and it's the glowing halo hovering above your Power Mac as it slowly makes its way to its rightful owner as choirs of angels sing from on high. C'mon, some of you have already been waiting for two and a half months; what's another week or three?

Why, no-- we don't know how to tie a noose. Why do you ask?...