And why not have an all-iMac G5 episode today? After all, that cuddly lil' pup is probably the most dramatic thing to happen to the Mac platform since the Power Mac G5 first touched down over a year ago. And it's really real, too; by all accounts they're showing up in Apple retail stores all across the country, including our own local Cambridgeside location, and according to the buzz (and the Boston Herald), Apple's latest iMac is one seriously big draw, pulling in potential customers by the big, omnipotent fistful.

So where's the drama, you ask? Good point; without conflict, there isn't any. But fortunately we've got a classic man-against-machine sorta deal brewing, here. See, not all buzz is good buzz, especially if it's coming from your so-called "whisper-quiet" new iMac; faithful viewer Stewart notes a discussion thread in the MacNN forums in which one new iMac owner notes that "the fan is extremely loud and annoying" and "sounds like someone is flying an RC plane around outside." That description seems rather at odds with Apple's assertion that the iMac G5 "measures less than 25 dB when idle," and is therefore "quieter than a whisper" (which measures 30).

Now, before you write off this noise report as the rantings of one guy whose ears must be the size of pie plates, you should be aware that it isn't exactly an isolated incident. Apple's own support forums contains several threads related to the matter, including "iMac G5 Fan Noise Issues" and "How to get rid of imac G5 noise," in which one fix apparently seems to be to set Processor Settings to "Reduced," thus throttling back the G5 to run at a slower speed and cooling it down so the fans don't need to spin so fast. Great. So you can own one of those super-fast new G5 chips, you just can't use it too much-- at least, not if you want to keep your eardrums from perforating.

The good news (if you can call it that) is that several iMac owners report that their systems are impressively silent, so at least it's not a case of poor design coupled with an overzealous marketing department. (As if. Steve hates fan noise, remember? There's no way he'd approve an iMac model that sounded like a beehive that'd been used as a football, Wind Tunnel Power Macs notwithstanding.) The bad news, of course, is that this means there's a substantial number of iMac G5s out there that are apparently somehow defective. Dunt dun dun dunnnnnnnnt!

So will this apparent fan-noise flaw be prevalent enough to cast a pall over the whole iMac product line, like when some of those Power Mac G4 Cubes showed up with "cracks" in their enclosures? How many early units will be returned because they sound like a band saw cutting galvanized tin? How much cash will Apple have to chew to repair noisy units that aren't returned? Will Apple release a firmware update to alleviate the problem, or will it jump straight to a power supply exchange program from the Mirrored Drive Door era? Ooooooh, tension!

Like we said, not all iMac G5s experience excessive fan noise-- unless you count the incessant "oohs" and "aahs" from the admirers clustered 'round them three deep. Jon Ive's latest industrial design may have left a few diehard Mac fans scratching their heads, but the "white slab on a metal stand" look is winning rave reviews from what we have to imagine is the new iMac's target market: Wintel-using iPod fanboys. If Bill Palmer is right and the "Switch" campaign is just now starting to show results (because any Wintellians swayed by True Tales of Apple Defectors are finally finding themselves in the market for a new computer), the iMac G5 is no doubt Stage II of the plan, timed brilliantly to pull those fence-sitters right over onto the Light Side of the Force.

Or it could be a coincidence. Whatever.

What we can say is this: people from the Wintel set certainly seem to be smitten by the new iMac's looks, specs, and even its price tag. For instance, faithful viewer David Poves forwarded us PC Magazine's review of Whitey the Tiltable Slab, and wouldja believe that Wintel-leaning publication just happens to have awarded the iMac a full five... well, we guess they're circles, or something-- out of five? No, honestly! Full marks for Apple's latest "design coup," and a list of "pros" as long as your arm and jam-packed with drippy doe-eyed adjectives like "stunning," "gorgeous," and yes, even "quiet." It's even listed as an "Editor's Choice." Go figure.

In fact, PC Mag could only dredge up two gripes about the system: first, that the graphics subsystem isn't upgradable, which is a legitimate beef, we suppose; home users include gamers who are going to want to take advantage of technology's ever-increasing ability to render airborne gallons of blood and flying severed limbs and heads more realistically than ever. Some insist that the iMac's GeForce FX 5200 Ultra is already obsolete, while others say it'll be passable for a year or so; either way, once again hardcore gamers are expected to pony up for the Power Mac for upgradable graphics. (The fact that the iMac's "midplane assembly" is user-replaceable is intriguing, but don't get your hopes up for a graphics upgrade kit that won't cost as much as a new iMac itself.)

The other complaint is that the built-in speakers-- you know, the ones crammed into a space the size of a pair of matchbooks-- "don't deliver much bass." Try not to keel over in shock.

Overall, though, the review is just rave, rave, rave, and we're more convinced than ever that Apple explicitly set out to design a computer that would win over as many Wintel users as possible. That may have resulted in a game plan as straightforward as "let's make it look like an iPod," or it may have incorporated a number of design strategies too subtle to describe in the clumsy, imprecise terms of written language. All we know is that we haven't yet run into a Wintel user who doesn't rate the new iMac at least mildly positive. Dare we say that we detect the heady odor of market share on the wind?

Then again, maybe Wintellians are only so smitten by the iMac G5's oh-so-svelte implementation of the all-in-one form factor because of what they're used to seeing. We've already subjected you to Korea's Lluon All In One, which actually beat Apple's latest iMac to market by a couple of months and-- at least from some angles-- bears something of a resemblance. But a reasonably close inspection of online photos soon reveals that, whereas the iMac G5 is a marriage of simple lines, pleasing angles, and delicate curves that somehow unites the system into a whole far greater than its disparate parts, the Lluon, especially from the back, could bring up a lunch at thirty paces.

Enter Gateway.

Yes, Gateway; it's still in business (albeit as eMachines with a new name and a few cow spots tacked on), and it's apparently all fired up to take on the iMac G5, especially since Apple's latest consumer system is so analogous to its Profile product. No, really, don't laugh! They're both all-in-one systems, they both incorporate LCD displays, and they both share roughly the same price point. Plus, Gateway's Profile has been on the market in five incarnations spanning several years, so it's probably a little miffed that the iMac is getting all the press. No wonder, then, that (as MacDailyNews points out) Gateway has seen fit to juice up the line a little in hopes of comparing favorably to Apple's latest offering.

Therefore, Gateway has just announced the Profile 5.5, an interim upgrade to its current all-in-one that incorporates "Intel's next-generation 915G chipset, integrated Intel graphics with up to 128MB shared memory and higher-bandwidth serial ATA (SATA) hard drives." Yes, talk like that gets us all hot 'n' bothered too, but try to contain your lust. As far as we can tell, Apple still wins out on a number of fronts-- even price. The Profile 5.5 has a "starting price point of under $1,400," which, of course, almost certainly means $1,399, which is a hundred clams more expensive than the entry level iMac G5.

On the other hand, the Profile has a floppy drive. How to decide?

Best go with the differentiator to end all differentiators: looks. Because, see, if the Lluon is ugly (and it is), then the best thing that can be said about the Gateway Profile is that it's ugly and brown. It looks uncannily like the Lluon, truth be told, but instead of being white, the Profile appears to be constructed out of that textured brown plastic that proved so popular in late-1970s television sets and early video game console systems. About the only angle from which it doesn't provoke a spastic regurgitative reflex is from the side; mind you, even at that angle it won't win any beauty contests; it looks like a refugee prop from the set of a crappy mid-'70s science fiction flick shot in Canada. But at least you stand a chance of not hurling your stomach contents in an unfortunate direction.

Presumably that's why Gateway named it the Profile: because if you look at it head-on, you'll soon be covering it in what once had been breakfast. Although, truth be told, that might be an improvement.