Oooo boy, now we've done it: we've got the FCC on our case again. We thought we'd seen the last of those guys once we apologized for the On-Air Noodle Incident (we can't go into details without violating the terms of the settlement, but hey, everyone heard about the On-Air Noodle Incident), but it turns out that they're waving that whole "equal time" rule at us and pointing, well, pointedly at our recently-referenced scenes about Macs surviving raging fires. Apparently, since it's an election year, they're really being sticklers about the equal time thing, and so they're insisting that in order to balance our previous anecdotes about Macs surviving fires, we now have to work in a plot thread about Macs starting fires. Hey, don't ask us; we just work here.

Luckily, just such a story has been making the rounds. (Coincidences rock!) Faithful viewer Andrew Goetz informs us of an article in The Daily Princetonian which reports that the Royal and Sun Alliance Insurance Company has slapped Apple with a lawsuit in hopes of recouping some or all of a $2 million payout the company had to cough up when part of Princeton University caught fire a couple of years back. It seems that Princeton firefighters "determined that an Apple Power Mac G4 plugged into an electrical receptacle box" was the cause of the blaze, which damaged "DNA sequencers, peptic synthesizers, computers, furniture, freezers, plumbing," and, sources tell us, half of an egg salad sandwich that one of the grad students estimates to have been worth $1.1 million for "sentimental reasons."

Personally, we think it's pretty shady to blame Apple's "faulty wiring" for the fire, because the only time we've seen a Mac set itself ablaze was when one committed suicide when forced to run some exceptionally painful software. So we figure the university is largely at fault for letting some random student install and try to run Word 6.0 on the poor thing. Seriously, what choice did it have? With any luck, a judge will see it the same way.

Meanwhile, this scene serves double duty: not only does it fulfill that "equal time" requirement that the FCC is moaning about, but since Princeton University is located in the country of Rhode Island, it also lets us finish out International Week with a bang! Yes, this week we've visited France, China, Canada, and now the balmy tropical shores of Rhode Island, last wild refuge of the Great Speckled Auk. Interesting fun fact: Rhode Island's official unit of currency is the "gek," which is an octagonal copper coin with a hole in the middle and bearing the likeness of the island's first great leader, Mbutseklecch, who, through the judicious use of fire and primitive agricultural tools, saved the island from an invasion of migratory shellfish in 1804. The native language is a guttural tongue called "Hechchchht," although most inhabitants speak at least some English. The country's main export is salt water taffy.

What's that? Princeton's actually in New Jersey? Okay, whatever. Same difference.

Geez, we're still getting the white flaky stuff falling from the sky out here in Beantown, and yet Hewlett-Packard apparently thinks it's summer already! Jump the gun, much, guys? Because the last time we checked, up here in the northern hemisphere, summer doesn't kick in until Julyish, and according to the threatening letter we just got from the bank inquiring as to the whereabouts of our January mortgage payment, it's still only March. It seems that HP isn't clear on the Golden Rule of high-tech product rollouts: never ship anything early. It only confuses people and makes their eyes glaze over.

What are we on about, you ask? Well, you might recall that when HP shocked the planet by announcing its partnership with Apple on digital music for HP's consumer customers, the company said that its HP-rebranded iPod and iTunes products would emerge "this summer," but as faithful viewer The Professor points out, there's already a page on HP's site talking up the wonders of iTunes-- and linking to a special Apple download page to grab a version of the software that's expressly for HP and Compaq customers. (Incidentally, HP's marketing fluff wins this week's "We Know All Those Words, But That Sentence Makes No Sense" Award: "Now you can enjoy the revolutionary digital music experience that's changing the way the world listens, all in the comfort of a Windows-based environment." We suspect that "comfort" was actually a typo for the phrase "bottomless well of pain.")

And here's the thing: that download link is live. Yes, HP and Compaq customers can feel special by grabbing their exclusive "HP and Compaq Customers Only" version of iTunes right now, at least three months before HP's projected "summer" timeframe. We haven't a clue as to what's so special about the HP/Compaq version versus the standard Windows version, but The Register has a theory: "The chief difference is believed to be code to allow Apple to track downloads made by HP customers rather than those of its own." That makes sense, but of course it's only speculation-- and The Reg also continues to surmise that HP will be using an iTunes back-end for its upcoming Starbucks "Get Wired and Burn Mix CDs" initiative "through its partnership with Apple," despite a fair number of hints to the contrary, so who knows?

Anyway, the point is, this software is out months in advance of that "summer" projection-- although it's just one teensy part of the whole package. Reportedly HP's rebranded iPods still won't surface until bikini season, and HP had really only said it would start preloading its consumer computers with iTunes this summer, so technically the arrival of the mysterious "HP-Compaq Only" version of iTunes isn't early at all. Still, it flies in the face of the spirit of the whole "never ship anything early" edict, and it taunted us with thoughts of summer when we're still dealing with snowfall, which is just mean. Boo, hiss.

Okay, sure, we know that Fridays are traditionally a time for blatant Microsoft-bashing around here (and at AtAT, "Every Day is Friday!™"), but the latest anti-Redmond poop is just more on that whole Microsoft-financed-the-SCO-anti-Linux-lawsuits thingy, and we already ran that into the ground last Friday. Besides, we thought that maybe we'd break with tradition for once and do a scene not about music, or lawsuits, or music lawsuits, or how Microsoft is comically evil, but rather about Macs. You remember those things, right? Apple makes 'em when it's not too busy cranking out iPods.

If you think way back to the misty dawn of time itself, you might recall that some folks have been waiting around for speed-bumped Power Mac G5s for ages, now-- and indeed, it's been nine months since the line was introduced and seven months since it first started shipping, and clearly those systems are due (if not overdue) for a little extra juice in the tank. Dual 2.0 GHz is still sexy, but it's no longer drop-dead sexy, if you catch our drift. And we hate to say it, but the longer Apple waits to ship an interim 2.5ish GHz Power Mac, the less likely it seems that the company will hit Steve's original timeline of 3.0 GHz by the end of summer.

So, when will the speed bumps finally get here? About a month ago we noted an Australian Power Mac trade-up program which runs through March 26th, which some people took as an indication that Apple didn't plan to introduce faster models until at least that date. Earlier this week we told you about a French web site with a rumor about new systems coming on March 23rd. And while we never got around to mentioning it, Apple's been running a U.S. promo offering discounted prices on extra RAM when purchased with a new iMac, Xserve, or-- you guessed it-- Power Mac. Since that promo ends on March 27th, that may be still more evidence that a Power Mac revision will ship right about that time.

Well, now there's even more evidence supporting the March 26th theory, so you may want to mark the date on your calendar, just in case. Faithful viewer iammattthomas was the first of several faithful viewers who informed us that they were contacted by Apple regarding still another Power Mac-related promotion: a "special, limited time offer on Power Mac computers ONLY for education institutions." The deal includes Power Mac G4 systems (for the nostalgia set) at prices as low as $1,199, and Power Mac G5s at "SPECIAL PRICES." Details aren't provided, but the "savings are significant" and "you must call for pricing!" And, of course, the deal only runs through-- all together, now-- March 26th.

This all smacks of inventory clearance to us, and so a Power Mac speed bump "on or about" the 26th seems likely. The thing is, the 26th is a Friday, and Apple doesn't typically do product intros on Fridays. Tuesday is the traditional "new stuff" day, so we're keeping our eyes on the 23rd (as per that French rumor) and the 30th. Regardless, we've got a nice, healthy gut feeling that the goods are coming "soon." So relax, go bash Microsoft for a while, and in a couple of weeks we can all rejoice in 2.5 GHz-y goodness. Maybe.