Still sleuthing up as much info as possible on Apple's worst kept secret? We speak, of course, of the company's entirely unofficial and unannounced plans to open a slew of Apple retail stores across this great land-- plans that Apple still refuses to acknowledge, as the company never comments on "rumors." But the evidence continues to mount, and given the data that's been amassed so far, we put the odds of Apple not opening its own swanky Mac boutiques roughly on par with the odds that Steve Jobs will quit his dual CEO gigs with Apple and Pixar to become the new lead vocalist for Korn. (Go on, picture Steve with a goatee and cheesy dreads belting out "Got The Life"-- you know you want to.)

Let's recap: when last we checked the casebook, there was compelling evidence that Apple plans to open stores in Palo Alto; Chicago; Littleton, Colorado; and the "New York City area." Well, now we can add "western Pennsylvania" to that ever-lengthening list, courtesy of a Pittsburgh Business Times article pointed out to us by faithful viewer Kevin Poor. A jovial chap by the name of Herky Pollock claims to be representing Apple (at least until Steve learns he has a penchant for yapping to the press, anyway) in the company's search for "appropriate locations" to house "three or four stores" in the Pittsburgh area "by the end of the year."

And that "New York City area" location? Well, Go2Mac claims to have narrowed that admittedly vague description down a bit-- to the Palisades Center mall in West Nyack, New York. Palisades, roughly half an hour's drive north of the city, is reportedly one of the largest malls in America (boasting a "ThEATery," an ice rink, a 68-foot ferris wheel, and a restored antique carousel!) and Apple has already reserved (and is just a signature away from leasing) a 4,000 square foot chunk of primo retail real estate "on the fourth floor in the busy restaurant section... directly across from the Outback Steakhouse." Prime rib and a G4 Cube; what more could any red-blooded, credit-abusing American consumer want?

Meanwhile, we here at AtAT continue to twiddle our thumbs, awaiting word of a Boston location for Apple's grand plans for retail domination. Not that we don't love our local Micro Center, mind you, which does Macs up right and proper-- but if Apple passes over our little burg, we're going to take it as a personal affront. Snubbed by Steve? That's grounds for a tantrum, right there...

Bemoaning the lack of drama surrounding Apple of late? That's because things are eerily quiet pending the release of Mac OS X in four days' time-- and because the drama is all taking place at Wincent.org. Wincent, as many of you know, has been "obtaining" developmental builds of Mac OS X for some time now, and has attracted the unwelcome attention of Apple's lawyers on numerous occasions by posting reviews and screenshots of Apple's unreleased product. That hasn't stopped him from following Mac OS X through to completion, though, and his site is clearly the hub of Apple drama lately. The latest question on every Mac geek's mind: "Is Mac OS X 10.0 the same as internal build 4K78, or not?"

If you haven't been ravenously consuming every last leaked detail about Apple's upcoming operating system, that question probably means nothing to you, but some people are foaming at the mouth over this issue. Wincent claims to have two sets of the actual, honest-to-goodness CD-ROMs that will ship in the Mac OS X retail box (there are photos, if you're interested), and that the final released version of Mac OS X is "byte for byte" identical to the 4K78 build he reviewed in depth some time ago. The wailing and gnashing of teeth among the unbelievers stems from the fact that, while impressive, 4K78 was not widely held to be a release-quality chunk of code; Wincent himself originally described it as "not Golden Master, but certainly a stunning candidate." In other words, good as an internal build-- but not necessarily good enough for Apple to throw in a box and ship as a finished product.

Dig through the forums if you want a better sense of why some people are upset, but generally it boils down to this: while 4K78 was reportedly a major step forward in Mac OS X's development, it still contains performance issues and a slew of irritating and potentially harmful bugs. Builds at least as high as 4K88 have been spotted, so lots of people are wondering why Apple chose to release a much earlier version. So is Mac OS X just build 4K78? Some say yes, some say no-- and we say we won't know for sure until our copy arrives on Saturday, we install it, and check the "About" box. But whatever Mac OS X 10.0 turns out to be, we're committed to leaping into the deep end and seeing how well we float.

Being the CEO of a major corporation requires focus, drive, stamina, and the ability to function without sleep-- which is why the AtAT staff never tries to manage anything more complicated than the timer on the VCR. Sure, we're old champs when it comes to sleep deprivation, but leave "drive" and "stamina" out of the equation, because when we stay up late, it's because we're on the couch flipping between reruns of The Beverly Hillbillies and infomercials for the AB Roller. And focus? Please... our attention span is shorter than-- hey, what's that shiny thing over there?!

Sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, right; CEOs. Well, thanks to MacNN, we happened across a very interesting article in The Wall Street Journal about what it takes to be a CEO these days. Most of it's fluff about some poor sap who runs an offshore holding company, but if you get far enough into it, you'll strike gold: the secret of success of none other than Steve Jobs himself! "Apple Computer's Steve Jobs, 46, stays energized during the week by avoiding caffeine and drinking lots of water throughout his long workdays." Is this just a helpful hint for aspiring corporate bigwigs, or does it hold the key to Steve's very identity?

See, we've all known for ages that Steve is an alien, right? After all, the whole article is about the superhuman stamina necessary to run even one large company, and here's Steve running two without even breaking a sweat. Furthermore, we at AtAT avoid caffeine and drink water just like Steve does, and we barely have the energy to change channels, let alone juggle two massive careers and a family. But reading about this "no caffeine, lots of water" strategy tripped a little switch in our collective memory, and now we know exactly what kind of alien Steve happens to be.

Did you ever see The Faculty, one of the recent spate of campy teen horror movies that flooded the market in the late '90s? In addition to being a rollicking star-studded flick of the "pod people/body snatchers" variety that features, among other choice moments, writing implements being rammed through various body parts (Bebe Neuwirth's hand and Jon Stewart's eye; different writing implements, though), we're now convinced that it holds the key to Steve's identity. We probably won't be ruining the film for those of you who haven't yet seen it if we mention that the aliens 1) can pass for human, 2) are trying to take over the world, 3) can't stand caffeine, and 4) drink more water than would generally be considered wise or possible for the average homo sapiens. Cue lightbulb over head!

There you have it, friends; if you want the skinny on Steve's biological makeup, rent The Faculty and screen it as research vital to surviving the coming revolution. And now you know the secret behind that bottle of water than never leaves Steve's sight...