Ooooooo, that's gotta hurt. Hey, everyone, remember a few months back when Napster said it expected to launch its music download service in the UK by "the end of summer"? And remember those recent rumors that Apple expected to launch the iTunes Music Store over there in June, but no later than October (i.e. "the end of summer"), in hopes of beating Napster to market? Well, June seems to be keeping right on its usual schedule of coming just after May and right before July, but it looks like summer may have come a wee bit early this year; by our calendar it's only May somethingth, and yet, believe it or not, That Darn Cat is already gettin' down and funk-ay across the pond, while the iTMS is still nowhere to be seen. Er, heard. Whatever.

No foolin'! Faithful viewer Jeri was first to alert us to a Reuters article reporting on Napster's suspiciously early UK launch, described as "a major victory over archrival iTunes." Kinda makes you wonder whether Napster told the press "by the end of summer" knowing full well it would be ready far earlier, in order to throw Apple for a nasty loop. Or maybe Napster had planned on an end-of-summer launch, but kicked things into overdrive because of the rumors of the iTMS possibly launching in June. Or possibly Napster has no plan at all, is flailing wildly while jumping up and down and making "deedle deedle" noises, and has simply no clue whatsoever when things will happen, so it just said "by the end of summer" because it seems like a trendy sort of ship-datey thing to say. The world may never know. In any case, Apple may be playing a similar game, as the company just reiterated its official stance that Euro-iTMS will go live "by the end of the year," but now that Napster's moved in over there in Jolly Olde England, if Apple doesn't move more quickly than that, we'll eat our hat.

The edible hat, though-- the beret made out of Fruit Roll-Ups. Just in case. We know better than to bet heavily on Apple ship dates.

By the way, we can't help thinking that Apple might have beat Napster to market if it, too, had confined its scope to the United Kingdom; as we all know, Apple has been trying to wrangle uniform licensing terms for all of Europe, something which Napster apparently didn't even try to undertake, which could possibly bite it in the hinder in the future. And what about pricing? Well, we obviously don't know for sure about Euro-iTMS, but the rumor was that songs would cost 1.29€, or about $1.54. Compare that to Napster's actual UK per-song price of £1.09, which doesn't sound so bad until you do the math and find out that the Brits are expected to shell out the equivalent of $1.93 per song. (They can cut the price to a mere $1.75 by dropping £9.99-- $17.70-- a month on a subscription.) So maybe Apple's slow-going attempts to secure Europe-wide licensing terms will give iTMS customers a price break.

Meanwhile, Reuters reports that "cracking the European market before iTunes is considered crucial for Napster" because "Apple beat Napster by six months in the United States last year and has established a commanding lead." Now, while we certainly don't claim to be able to see into alternate realities or anything (at least, not since the time we ate that moldy guacamole at the back of the fridge that was, for some reason, warm), but Reuters seems to be implying causality that's not necessarily kosher. Sure, the iTMS got a six-month head start-- but let's not forget that all but two weeks of that head start were Mac-only, whereas Napster is a Windows-only service. And even if you subtract off the 13 million songs that the iTMS had sold in its Mac-only days, we hardly think that two extra weeks can fully account for the iTMS outselling Napster by something like a factor of six. Eventually you have to conclude that at least part of the disparity is due to the fact that maybe, just maybe, one of these services is about a kajillion times better than the other. (Figuring out which one is left as an exercise to the reader. Show your work.)

So we'll just have to wait and see what happens when the iTMS finally surfaces in Europe; if Napster isn't quickly overtaken by the iTMS despite Napster's big head start, well, we've still got that hat handy. We just have to think that there's something to that whole "slow and steady wins the race" concept, although instead of "slow and steady" we might have to amend it slightly to "late and non-sucky." But time will tell.

By the way, that moldy guacamole? Turns out that at one point it was actually leftover lasagna. Who knew?

We have to admit, sometimes we really feel sorry for you poor, neglected Canucks. After all, you share a continent with Apple's home country and you're just one border-hop away, and yet it seems like you're always left out in the cold. For instance, what's with all this talk about the iTunes Music Store possibly making it all the way to Europe next month, when it hasn't even gotten as far as the Great White North? And what about the international expansion plans for Apple's retail stores? The first non-U.S. shop went not to our neighbors to the north, but rather all the way over to Japan-- and the second one is slated to open in London. What's this blatant snubbing all aboot, eh?

Well, calm down, fellas; as far as the iTMS is concerned, Europe hasn't beaten Canada to the punch just yet-- and besides, even if it does, it may not even be Apple's fault. Who knows what goofiness dictates the speed of licensing music from labels in various countries? And on the retail front, word has it that Apple meant to toss you guys a couple of stores before any of 'em opened overseas; remember those rumors of Apple stores destined for the Yorkdale Shopping Centre and Toronto Eaton Centre? Well, it seems that Apple had originally planned to open those long before the stores in Tokyo and London.

It's like this: faithful viewer David Triska tipped us off to an AppleInsider report claiming that "internal company documents" show Apple's original plan was to launch two Canadian stores by the end of last year, while the Tokyo store wasn't supposed to open until sometime in 2004. And two more Canadian locations (colorfully designated as "Canada 3" and "Canada 4"-- the mind reels) were targeted for grand openings this year. In other words, by all rights, Canada should have been firmly retailified long before Apple started chucking stores at more distant lands.

So what happened? No idea; AI merely states the obvious, which is that Apple's Canadian rollout plans "have either fallen behind schedule or been changed due to unknown reasons." About the only thing we can add that might shed a little light on the subject is something one of our "sources close to the company" recently forwarded us: a memo from Steve Jobs addressed to Tim Cook (executive veep for Worldwide Sales and Operations) and Ron Johnson (senior veep for Retail), dated April 16th of 2003, that said "Some [expletive deleted] with an Ontario plate just cut me off on the highway-- take care of it." Whaddaya think? Could it somehow be related?

On the plus side of the karma equation, though, at least you guys have seen the whole third season of Degrassi, whereas we're still stuck back at "Holiday" for another couple of weeks and dying to see what happens now that Ashley and Manny both know that Craig's been two-timing them. So, you know, it all balances out in the end. Right?

Disaster has struck! You all know that Apple's quality control hasn't exactly been nonpareil lately, right? Just in the past year, Apple has had to slap together damage control for PowerBook leprosy, flaky iBook logic boards, AirPort updates that nuke network connections, and miniPods that wind up imitating Snap, Crackle, and Pop. This time, though, we doubt there's a solution as simple as a repair extension program or a far-reaching media coverup. Indeed, individual Apple customers have been so thoroughly traumatized by the company's latest quality control blunder that an airtight class action suit is surely just around the corner.

Ready for this? Some miniPods are slightly different colors than people thought.

We know. Call out the National Guard.

Think Secret reports that miniPod buyers "may discover that their new music player's color isn't the precise shade they expected," and Apple knows it. An internal message circulated to employees earlier this month acknowledges that miniPod aluminum casings "may vary in shade" and that some customers may complain. In order to appease distraught miniPod customers, Apple retail staff members have been instructed to offer to replace the unit (with the caveat that replacements will also be the new shade, so we're not sure what the point would be) or provide a full refund while waiving the normal restocking fee. Online Apple Store reps are also authorized to "offer a free iPod case as an 'appeasement' or token of goodwill."

If you're wondering what sort of color difference is kicking up such a ruckus, it's not that people who ordered green miniPods are receiving bright orange ones, or that supposedly blue ones are arriving all plaid; at least as is hinted from this Apple Support discussion, the main trouble seems to be that pink models now look a little purple. Frankly, we're surprised that more customers haven't had to be hospitalized.

All sarcasm aside (but only for a while; it really starts to hurt after a couple of minutes), we really do understand that if someone shells out that kind of moolah for a pink miniPod, he or she is entitled to get a pink miniPod, and shouldn't have to settle for being disappointed. That said, we would have thought that people would hardly be upset enough about a purple-tinged pink miniPod to bother complaining (you have a brand new miniPod in your hands; are you really going to put it down and pick up a phone, instead?), especially since we've always thought that Apple should have offered a purple miniPod instead of pink in the first place. Then again, we also figured the pink miniPods would be the slowest sellers, and instead (at least according to Amazon's sales ranks) they're the fastest, so clearly we know bupkis.

Anyway, there it is: if you received a pink miniPod that isn't quite pink, whether it bothers you or not, maybe you can get a free case out of it. Meanwhile, those of you who are thinking murderous thoughts because some people who are lucky enough to be able to afford a $249 portable music player in the first place (and who are lucky enough, given the ongoing "Demand>>Supply" situation, to have actually received one) are now whining about their pink model being a shade too lilac, don't worry: those feelings are perfectly normal. Go hit some pillows or something until you feel better.