Are you finding those forty-pound iMacs too unwieldy to work into your juggling act? Do you yearn for a consumer desktop Mac light enough to rest on a large cube of Jell-O without compromising its structural integrity? A couple of weeks ago, when Steve revealed that the newest thing about the latest models was the return of "Snow," did you need to fight the impulse to throw yourself under a city bus? Did you need to fight the impulse to throw Steve under a city bus? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then you're likely suffering from LCD iMac Impatience Syndrome, a nonfatal but potentially upsetting condition.

Fear not, though-- your wait is at an end! Faithful viewer Nathaniel Chaar notes that ZDNet has scooped the rest of the world on this one: their posted specs for the 600 MHz iMac clearly indicate that the system ships with a 15-inch LCD monitor. So there you have it, people; the LCD iMac is here, but in all the excitement, Steve evidently just forgot to tell us during the keynote. Don't be too hard on him, though-- the man's got a lot on his mind these days.

We know what you're thinking: "But AtAT, I've seen the new iMacs, and they are very clearly the same 'Kihei' models we've had for two years. They are big and heavy. Their screens are CRTs. Trust me on this one." Hold up a sec, here; are you impugning the reliability of ZDNet's Mac information? Just because the organization recently made the questionable decision to "de-emphasize" its Mac coverage, that doesn't mean that it doesn't still apply the most rigorous standards to its journalism and fact-checking procedures. If those folks say the 600 MHz iMac has an LCD, then it's got an LCD-- end of story.

Oh, wait... we've just noticed that the specs are actually part of a review for the iMac 600 MHz Special Edition-- in other words, the top-of-the-line "Wacky Patterns" model released last February. You realize what this means, don't you? The iMac has had an LCD display for over five months now! While that undeniable fact may appear to fly in the face of all observable fact, we figure that Apple is using some sort of secretly-developed LCD panel that manages to reproduce the color fidelity and non-blurring resolution-switching capabilities of a traditional CRT. Unfortunately, it also appears to have inherited the CRT's weight, size, and power consumption-- but heck, you can't have everything. Hang in there, and eventually Apple will probably transition to more "traditional" LCD displays in its iMacs, thus improving the computing experiences of novelty jugglers and lovers of gelatin-based furniture everywhere.

"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." We strongly suspect that phrase has been tattooed discreetly on some undisclosed body part of each and every single person responsible for the shaping of Apple's retail strategy; in fact, we wouldn't be surprised to hear that Steve wielded the tat-gun himself. If you've been following the long, sad tale of Macs in retail for the past several years, you know full well that Apple has spent a lot of time discovering just how awful the computer shopping experience generally is-- and just how unfixable by less than heroic means. How many times over the years have we heard that CompUSA employees are being trained in how to sell Macs? And how much better has the average CompUSA gotten at selling Macs? Right.

Obviously the ultimate solution is for Apple to maintain and staff its own stores, and by all accounts, the new Apple retail stores are indeed something special. But six stores by the end of August obviously aren't going to allow Apple to tell CompUSA to kiss off without seriously reducing the Mac's retail presence. Neither will twenty-five stores by the end of the year. In fact, even if Apple were to have a thousand of its own classy boutiques all over the country, it's likely that maintaining a presence in the general computer stores (to stand out amidst the Wintel dreck) would still be a strategically attractive situation. So what's the answer?

Well, according to MacMinute, the "do it yourself" strategy prevails again. Remember that test program from back in April, in which Apple stationed its own employees in a series of Dallas and San Francisco CompUSA locations to ensure that Mac shoppers got the help they needed? Last month we noted that said test program had been deemed a "rousing success," and that Apple intended to extend the practice to certain CompUSA locations nationwide "by the end of the year." It's now two months later, so what's up with the expansion of "Project Diamond-In-The-Rough"?

Glad you asked; MacMinute has unearthed a few details. First of all, Apple employees will only be stationed in "70 to 90" CompUSA stores across the country, so you shouldn't necessarily expect your particular store to be one of the lucky ones; if we had to guess, we'd expect Apple to target CompUSAs in areas without upcoming Apple stores, to try to spread the love as far as possible. Apple is reportedly already hunting for candidates to be "full-time, Apple-badged employees," and intends to fill most of the CompUSA slots "by the end of September." So for those of you stranded in Apple-store-challenged areas, rejoice; soon enough, you may just get the slightest taste of retail nectar in what has traditionally been the great cosmic source of retail sludge. (No offense to those CompUSA employees who are Mac-savvy, of course, but until you rise up and beat your less-competent brethren to death with shovels and crowbars, putting up with these sorts of stereotypes will remain an on-the-job hazard.)

If you're still mourning the loss of the Cube, don't feel strange-- you're perfectly justified in wearing black for another year or two, if you like. (The veil might be a bit much, though.) The fact is, Apple's crystalline brain-in-a-box was one super supercomputer; it had style, power, panache, and a commercial featuring Hendrix on guitar and Rollins doing the voiceover. What more could anyone want? Granted, it was a little lacking in the expandability department, but when speaking of a creature as gorgeous as the Cube was, it's gauche to bring up such trifling peccadilloes. It will be missed by all.

Indeed, while extraordinary people pretty commonly win awards after they die, we're not at all sure that computers do. During its relatively short stint as an active product line, the Cube won enough design awards to fill a crater caused by Larry Ellison's ego crashing to earth, but this latest development is particularly intriguing: as noted by faithful viewer Mark K. Ehlert, MacCentral reports that the Best Computer That Nobody Actually Bought is now racking up posthumous awards, leading off with a "best of category" award for consumer products from I.D. Magazine's Annual Design Review. (Granted, the awards were probably determined before Apple pulled the plug, but we still choose to interpret it as a victory from beyond the grave. Mwaaahhahahahahaaaaa!)

Meanwhile, rumors of a Cube resurrection persist, stemming from Apple's curious wording in its press release announcing the product's departure. Not a day goes by that we don't stumble across a tip or two about a "Triumphant Comeback Tour" planned for sometime next year, but for now we're content to file those squarely in the "wishful thinking" bin and get on with our grieving. After all, a miraculous return from the Great Beyond will be all the more impressive if we're not actually expecting it...