Dead, But Still FABULOUS (7/30/01)
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If you're still mourning the loss of the Cube, don't feel strange-- you're perfectly justified in wearing black for another year or two, if you like. (The veil might be a bit much, though.) The fact is, Apple's crystalline brain-in-a-box was one super supercomputer; it had style, power, panache, and a commercial featuring Hendrix on guitar and Rollins doing the voiceover. What more could anyone want? Granted, it was a little lacking in the expandability department, but when speaking of a creature as gorgeous as the Cube was, it's gauche to bring up such trifling peccadilloes. It will be missed by all.

Indeed, while extraordinary people pretty commonly win awards after they die, we're not at all sure that computers do. During its relatively short stint as an active product line, the Cube won enough design awards to fill a crater caused by Larry Ellison's ego crashing to earth, but this latest development is particularly intriguing: as noted by faithful viewer Mark K. Ehlert, MacCentral reports that the Best Computer That Nobody Actually Bought is now racking up posthumous awards, leading off with a "best of category" award for consumer products from I.D. Magazine's Annual Design Review. (Granted, the awards were probably determined before Apple pulled the plug, but we still choose to interpret it as a victory from beyond the grave. Mwaaahhahahahahaaaaa!)

Meanwhile, rumors of a Cube resurrection persist, stemming from Apple's curious wording in its press release announcing the product's departure. Not a day goes by that we don't stumble across a tip or two about a "Triumphant Comeback Tour" planned for sometime next year, but for now we're content to file those squarely in the "wishful thinking" bin and get on with our grieving. After all, a miraculous return from the Great Beyond will be all the more impressive if we're not actually expecting it...

 
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And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors
 

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 7/30/01 episode:

July 30, 2001: What do you mean, you're still waiting for the LCD iMac? It arrived five months ago! Meanwhile, a few details surface about Apple's plan to stick actual Apple employees in various CompUSAs scattered across this great land, and the Cube racks up yet another design award-- but this time, it's a posthumous honor...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3206: Gee, It Was Here All Along (7/30/01)   Are you finding those forty-pound iMacs too unwieldy to work into your juggling act? Do you yearn for a consumer desktop Mac light enough to rest on a large cube of Jell-O without compromising its structural integrity?...

  • 3207: Retail Splendor Is Catching (7/30/01)   "If you want something right, you have to do it yourself." We strongly suspect that phrase has been tattooed discreetly on some undisclosed body part of each and every single person responsible for the shaping of Apple's retail strategy; in fact, we wouldn't be surprised to hear that Steve wielded the tat-gun himself...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

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