Rumor check! It's ten o'clock; do you know where your next iBook is? Apple's clamshell consumer portable got its first minor revision way back in February in the form of a hard disk increase and a RAM boost, so it's probably way past due for another feature bump. While most of the iBook rumors making the rounds are pretty solidly believable (due in no small part to Apple's public confirmation of worker bee's iBook report in its lawsuit against that busy, buzzy individual), variations still persist, so we thought we'd collate the data into a reasonably clear picture of what the next iBook will probably be and then present it to you in a handy, easy-to-digest info bite. No need to thank us-- just throw money.

Except, as it turns out, there's hardly any reason for us to bother, since the PowerBook Zone pretty much beat us to it. We seem to recall that, in the past, the PowerBook Zone has occasionally been dead-on accurate in its predictions of forthcoming Apple portables, so we find ourselves inclined to consider its latest report pretty darn credible. The Zone claims that the next iBook is code-named "Midway," and retains the current iBook's distinctive enclosure. It also keeps the same 12.1-inch active matrix display. Beyond that, though, tradition goes out the window; Midway sports faster processors running at speeds up to 466 MHz, and beefier graphics circuitry currently used in the PowerBook-- an ATI Rage Mobility 128 with 8 MB of SDRAM video memory. The high-end Special Edition will even house a FireWire port and a DVD-ROM drive, meaning you can watch a Hollywood blockbuster on the road, or whip up your own with iMovie. Apparently we can expect this thing to materialize by the end of next month, barring the inexplicable release delays that have become par for the course whenever Apple portables are concerned. Color choices are up in the air at this point, but the safe money's on rubberized versions of the current "softer" iMac hues.

Now, given that the high-end iBook is likely to be about seven hundred bucks cheaper than the low-end PowerBook, what's going to keep value-conscious professionals from straying from their intended device? After all, with a 466 MHz G3, FireWire, and DVD, that "consumer" iBook is sounding suspiciously professional to us. Well, think about what the iBook will still be lacking: a 14.1-inch screen, PC card slots, video-out, audio-in, multiple ports, hot-swappable expansion bays, and an overall package that's up to a pound lighter. Plus, even with a Graphite color choice, there are plenty of professionals who wouldn't want to been seen toting a giant makeup compact around with them. Market differentiation via Fisher-Price styling: gotta love it.

Of course, then there's the other end of the spectrum: unadulterated wishful thinking. Enter MacMonkey's "HiBook" specs, which clearly wander freely through the land of make-believe: there you'll find all of the more "realistic" features listed in the PowerBook Zone article, plus a 12.1-inch display capable of 1024x768 resolution, Harmon-Kardon internal speakers, touch-screen capability, slate-style operation, and even an ADC video-out port on the high-end model. The price tag for this visitor from Fantasyland? Why, a mere $1799, of course. Oh, did we mention that it'll have a 20 GB hard drive and 128 MB of RAM, standard? Just for kicks, we configured a similarly-tricked out PowerBook at the Apple Store-- sure, the PowerBook has a bigger screen, more ports, and card slots, but we hardly think that cancels out the difference in its $3299 price tag, especially since MacMonkey's fantasy system even has a slightly faster processor and a slightly larger hard drive. But what a beautiful dream, huh?

Well, whenever we hear about an upcoming chip improvement from Motorola, we feel a little like someone's trying to sell us some time-share swampland in Florida-- but sometimes the best thing for one's sanity is just to close one's eyes, take a deep breath, and put the pessimism back on the shelf. Prolonged exposure to extreme megahertz deficiency is extremely hazardous to one's mental well-being, and so the occasional indulgence in a bit of unbridled (and probably unjustified) optimism is just what the doctor ordered. Thank heaven, then, for faithful viewer Milo Auckerman's eagle eyes; he pointed out that everyone's favorite PowerPC scapegoat is listed in the lineup for Microprocessor Forum 2000, the Macworld Expo of the chip world. Better yet, Motorola's scheduled to disclose details about a "GHz+" G4, meaning that the company known throughout Cupertino as "Slo-Mo Moto" may finally breach the 1000 MHz barrier soon after all.

Now, we know that some of you are skeptical because you've come to the conclusion that, as far as PowerPC development is concerned, Motorola is no more likely to compete with Intel and AMD on the clock speed issue than Larry Ellison is likely to swear off yachts and that bad-guy-in-Die-Hard facial hair. But you may be interested to hear that the "whopping big dose of go-juice" Motorola's injecting into its chips is none other than silicon-on-insulator technology from fellow PowerPC-maker IBM. You remember IBM, right? The folks who are building licensed Altivec-enhanced G4s for Apple because Motorola couldn't keep up with the demand? The ones who are rumored to have current G4 designs running at up to 650 MHz but aren't allowed to ship them because Motorola's afraid of looking even more incompetent? Yeah, them. Sounds like Motorola's not afraid to borrow a trick or two from Big Blue, and that's clearly a Good Thing.

It's almost like the AIM alliance is acting like, well, an alliance! Since Microprocessor Forum is slated to begin on October 10th, it sounds like there is in fact a chance that we'll see commercially-available Motorola-built G4 chips with significantly higher clock speeds before the end of the year. Of course, there's also a chance that an all-Chee-tos diet can cure syphilis, but we wouldn't bet on it. Still, the news that Motorola's embracing more of IBM's innovations is a hopeful sign. Back in May, IBM did say that an SOI-enhanced processor would be used in an Apple "portable device" in 2000-- so perhaps that long-awaited PowerBook G4 might make it onto a few Christmas lists after all. Think positive.

And in the "Some People Never Learn" department, faithful viewer Dan Knight of LowEndMac fame tipped us off to a Macworld article called "The Blue Sea of Death." It seems that Federal Computer Week is reporting that the U.S. Navy's "next-generation aircraft carrier" will be run by state-of-the-art onboard computers powered by-- wait for it-- "a futuristic version of Microsoft Corp.'s Windows operating system." Stop screaming, just for a second, because we're not done yet: "Microsoft Federal Systems will help design the ship's IT architecture based on the company's Windows 2000 platform." Okay, now you can scream.

What's particularly galling about this bit of news is not so much that our nation's defense will rely on the same Redmond goofs who shipped Windows 2000 with an admitted 63,000 bugs, nor is it the sobering fact that Microsoft's security strategy seems to be to add so many holes to its products that hackers are overwhelmed by the choices and just wander off to find a real challenge instead. No, what really gnaws at our brainstems is the way that the Navy appears to have completely forgotten about the "Smart Ship" incident that took place a mere three years ago. Remember? The USS Yorktown suffered a divide-by-zero error in the Windows NT system that controlled its every move, leaving it dead in the water for three hours-- until it was towed back to the naval base.

But evidently the Navy has a short memory, because despite the haunting spectre of the Yorktown's humiliating failure, now we face the prospect of Windows-based aircraft carriers introducing a decidedly Three Stooges-style vibe to future Navy exploits. Hey, don't get us wrong-- we're always up for a little slapstick entertainment. It's just when the slapstick involves things that go "boom," we start to get a little edgy. Here's hoping that this so-called "futuristic" version of Windows hails from a future in which Microsoft's products suck less.