Another weekend, another shiny new Apple retail store... but, of course, this latest one's special to us, because it's going to be the AtAT staff's "local" location for a few months at least. For those of you who haven't been keeping up with the blow-by-blow of Apple's retail initiative (yeah, as if you've got better things to do... but we'll pretend for your sake), tomorrow's grand opening at the Northshore Mall in Peabody, Massachusetts marks the sixth such boutique to open its doors this year. It's also special to us because, while it won't be our first Apple store grand opening, at least we don't have to fly 900 miles to get to this one. Frequent flyer miles are nice and all, but so is not having to fly over five states and risk the unlikely event of a water landing just to go shopping.

So, instead of shelling out several hundred bucks for round-trip airfare, a hotel room, and a car rental like we did to go to the Woodfield store last weekend, tomorrow all we'll have to pay is the cost of the gas to drive the fifty-ish miles there and back-- which, of course, makes the prospect of buying something at the Apple Store a much more reasonable scenario, financially speaking. For example, if you take travel expenses into account, by our calculations, that copy of American McGee's Alice that we bought at Woodfield last week cost us about $900 all told, which is rather higher than the going rate. On the other hand, it did come with a free t-shirt, an Apple notebook, and a cool blue bag, so far be it from us to complain.

So if you're in the New England area and you're making the hike to Peabody tomorrow, keep your eyes peeled for the AtAT staff, because we'll be there-- and with any luck, in a slightly less sleep-deprived state than at last week's gig. If you say hi and your fawning and toadying is acceptably sycophantic, you may just find yourself the proud owner of a snazzy new AtAT sticker, suitable for bronzing and eternal worship (but even more suitable for slapping on a personal possession in a conspicuous location, thus unwittingly providing us with free advertising). We'll probably have some t-shirts, too, but those aren't going to be free, so if you want one, make sure you have cash on hand. If you do go tomorrow, this is the twitchy-looking individual you're looking for. It's wise to avoid direct eye contact and making any sudden movements.

Meanwhile, as faithful viewer Dave points out, next Saturday marks the opening of lucky store number seven-- at the Easton Town Center in Columbus, Ohio, so all you Ohio-area Mac fans should start practicing your waiting-in-line skills now. Sadly, the AtAT staff has no plans to drag their worthless hides all the way back to the Midwest for yet another grand opening-- at least, not unless Apple wants to pay our way as a sort of travelling sideshow freak exhibit to draw more foot traffic. But we're game if they are...

Speaking of Apple's retail stores, having only been to one so far, we can't say for certain-- but we strongly suspect that if you've seen one, in some sense you've seen them all. Sure, there are going to be variations in square footage and the size of the window displays, but based on the photos we've seen, Apple is trying hard to keep the Apple retail experience as consistent as possible. No matter which store you enter, you can count on seeing the same black shelves of Software Alley running down the center, the same giant projection screen at the back, the same hardwood floors and white countertops, etc. In fact, the QuickTime VR movies on Apple's site aren't of the Woodfield store we visited last week, but everything's exactly where we remember it. It's actually a little unsettling.

So, just as a Big Mac is pretty much the same no matter where you buy it ("Only one Big Mac exists in the world, one Big Mac with countless wrappers"), when you go to an Apple store, you'll be able to expect the same stupendous shopping experience regardless of geographical location. You'll still be able to play with iTunes in the Music section, take iMovie for a spin over in the Movies area, and sit down on a squishy black ball to play a round of Nanosaur in the green-carpeted Kids area. And no matter what, those two glowing white Apple logos will warmly beckon you from across the mall. That is, unless you're in Germantown, Tennessee.

Regular viewers will recall that Germantown's draconian sign ordinances prohibit both illuminated signs (partially understandable) and images of food items (just plain wacky). Unfortunately, that means that Apple's Big Glowing Logos fail on two counts, if not more. The last we heard, Apple was applying for a variance so that it could at least keep using its food-themed corporate logo, even if it wouldn't be able to light it up-- a reasonable enough request, we figured. However, faithful viewer Aaron Drown (who would like to make it clear that he's "very much a non-native resident") reports that the Germantown City Board just denied Apple's application for a waiver. It's third-hand information, so we can't exactly vouch for its validity, but if it's true, then the Germantown Apple store will differ from all the others at least in its signage.

So if Apple can't use its own corporate logo to identify its Germantown store, what will it use? Well, obviously the company has no choice but to change its logo companywide to something less food-related all because of one little town's fascistic bylaws. (That's a lot of company stationery out the window.) May we suggest the stylized image of a self-important city bureaucrat being clubbed with a sock full of quarters? If not, perhaps Apple would care to negotiate a deal to use the AtAT logo, which, while suggesting the general shape of an apple, can simply be misrepresented as a devil's tail to thwart Germantown signage laws. If so, someone at Apple should give us a call; we're sure we can come to some sort of "arrangement."

You say it's your lifelong dream to meet Steve Jobs face to face, and maybe have him drop by for dinner one night? Well, giddyup on the Fantasy Horse, pardner, because we know exactly how you can make your dream come true. All you need to do is learn how to cook for a vegan, have lots of bottled water on hand, and buy 23,000 iBooks. Really, now, what could be simpler?

In fact, you don't even have to buy 23,000 iBooks-- leasing them will apparently work just fine, too. At least, that's the only conclusion we can draw from The Stevester's personal appearance at the Henrico County school year convocation today. Yes, according to the Times-Dispatch, Steve himself took time out of his busy schedule to visit the school district in person in order to "underscore the local school system's decision to embrace the wireless iBooks." You remember this deal, right? Back in May when the new iBooks were first unveiled, Apple announced that Henrico County had leased twenty-three grand of the little white doohickeys, constituting "the largest portable computer sale to education ever." (Insert "nyaah nyaah" addressed to Mike Dell here.) This is therefore an important enough event, politically speaking, to warrant some face time by Steve himself.

So if you're really serious about getting to meet Steve, head on over to the Apple Store and place an order for 23,000 iBooks-- or maybe 25,000, just to be on the safe side. You'll probably have to donate them all to your local school system before Steve will really feel compelled to drop by and thank you in person, but maybe you could keep one or two for yourself, if you're subtle about it. And we don't want to hear any whining about the balance you're going to have to carry on your credit cards after pulling this little stunt. After all, what's $32 million when we're talking about the fulfillment of a lifelong dream?