Say, you know how if you're on a diet and you leave the country on vacation, none of the calories you eat actually count? (At least, we're pretty sure that's the case; we saw it in a comic strip or something. We figure it was probably "Cathy.") Well, apparently the same sort of principle applies to corporate rules and regulations. For example, back here in the U. S. of A., Apple makes it a pretty strict policy not to discuss future products in public, and Steve Jobs in particular reportedly "corrects" those who leak such info to the press with a super-special punishment involving a selection of meat tenderizers and marinades, the unhinging of his own extraterrestrial jaw, and a peaceful digestive hibernation that progresses even as the offender's next of kin go slapping photos on milk cartons. Send the Big Kahuna winging off to Europe for Apple Expo, though, and suddenly he's flapping his gums to the Spanish press about when we can expect a PowerBook G5.

That's right, kids; why dwell on rumor when you can get the skinny straight from the boss-man's Europe-happy lips? MacMinute notes a 5Dias.com interview in which Steve apparently stated that "we are working in it and what we would like it is to obtain it for end of the year that comes." (We say "apparently" only because that comes via Google's auto-translation; the man's full comment in context is human-translated and clarified over at MacRumors: "Afterwards [Jobs] admitted that the decisive revolution will be the introduction in laptops of the new 64 bit chip, the G5, that the company has developed along with IBM, with an investment of 3 billion dollars. 'We are working on it and what we'd like is to have it by the end of next year,' he said.")

So whaddaya think-- is Steve still just in Overcautious Mode? You know, sort of like how he still insists that Panther's ship date is "by the end of this year" despite the fact that, as Think Secret reports, based on the latest seed some developers estimate that it'll be "released to manufacturing within the next three weeks"? After all, there was one rumor that Apple was targeting a PowerBook G5 "within the first three months of the next calendar year," which, granted, seems a little on the premature side, but based on nothing in particular we'd still have guessed at portable G5s by the end of next summer at the latest; after all, even the G4 made the leap from desktop to laptop in sixteen months, and with the G5 we're not even dealing with Motorola anymore. Maybe Steve's just trying to nudge the holdouts into finally dropping that cash on a PowerBook G4 rather than waiting over a year for a G5-to-go. In any case, it was odd hearing him comment on the release timeframe of an unannounced product like that.

Oh, and what about Steve's legendary powers of diplomacy (in public, anyway)? It seems that those go out the porthole while traveling abroad, too. After all, it's one thing to tell German interviewer FAZ.net the same old story about how only Apple and Dell are actually making money in the personal computer market, but it's something else entirely when the guy actually predicts that competitors will fold or otherwise exit the business-- and then proceeds to name names. According to Google's translation of the interview, when asked to elaborate on the state of the market, Steve actually replied, "The future position of Gateway is very uncertain. And I can also imagine that Sony will withdraw itself again completely sometime from the business with personal computers."

Yipes, stripes! Okay, maybe it wasn't as catty as Mike Dell's infamous comment that Steve should shut down Apple and give the money back to the shareholders, but it still seems a little on the vicious side. Quick, someone get that guy back on U.S. soil before he spills the beans about next year's iPod G5 with integrated laser light show and then starts yakkin' it up about how Bill Gates stuffs his shorts!

Well, it happened on Friday morning, but the news didn't start making the rounds until after AtAT was already broadcasting, so we've had all weekend to chortle in our joy: as first pointed out by faithful viewer Flow Flow and breathlessly confirmed by the Associated Press, Motorola's CEO Chris Galvin has "unexpectedly resigned" due to "differences with the board." And even if you're thousands of miles from Schaumburg, Illinois, if you listen verrrrry carefully, you can still hear the champagne corks popping.

Yes, the only Motorola employees not hung over from a two-day celebratory drinking binge that commenced immediately after the news broke are probably the ones who are still drinking; based on anecdotal evidence, the man was not a popular guy among the folks in the trenches. (Given that he "eliminated nearly 60,000 jobs since August 2000," we can't say we're all that surprised.) He was frequently described as having exactly one qualification for the job, i.e. being the founder's grandson. On more than one occasion we've heard Mr. Galvin referred to by engineers as "Motorola's Amelio," a description which imparts volumes of data to anyone familiar with the "I'm Going To Shoot Myself In The Head" Years in Apple's history. Apparently the shareholders agree, since Motorola's stock rose 5% in after-hours trading when news of Galvin's firi-- uh, retirement hit the streets.

We will say this: if nothing else, Galvin certainly borrowed his spin from Gil Amelio. In his statement, Galvin announced that he had "achieved substantial results" and leaves his successor "with a formidable Motorola platform compared to three years ago, before [he] implemented [his] five-point turnaround plan." Wow, the déjà vu is practically choking us. Suppose that if the next CEO does manage to prevent Motorola from sinking into the mire, Galvin will write a book about how it was all because of the groundwork laid by his tireless crusade against nigh-insurmountable odds?

A word to those partying Motorolans out there: don't forget to say a prayer of thanks to Saint Steve. Seriously, if you think Galvin's, ahem, "retirement" is completely unrelated to recent reports that the alleged PowerBook-delaying G4 shortage got so ridiculously bad that it actually prompted a visit to Motorola headquarters by none other than Steve "Ezekiel 25:17" Jobs himself, you're living in a dreamer's fantasy world populated by chocolate-filled leprechauns and unicorns whose horns dispense free Kool-Aid. (On the plus side, since it is a fantasy world, you can probably still get Purplesaurus Rex. Man, we used to love that stuff.) Remember, just about the first thing that Steve did after wiggling his way back into One Infinite Loop was persuade Apple's board to push Amelio overboard to feed the sharks; coaxing Motorola's board to lay the smackdown on Kid Galvin would have been child's play. In fact, we're betting he did it using only the words "these aren't the droids you're looking for" just to make it a little bit more of a challenge.

The only way to know for sure, of course, is to wait and see who gets named as Galvin's successor; The Financial Times reports that Motorola president and chief operating officer Mike Zafirovski is up for consideration, but nothing's etched in stone. We can't imagine that Steve has any interest in running yet another company, especially Motorola now that IBM is the PowerPC horse to bet on... but if he's bored enough to decide that he wants the gig, get ready for one wild ride. Jon Ive-designed cell phones, anyone?

Maybe it's just us, but we're increasingly of the opinion that someone working in the Celestial Office of Universal Constants kicked the Time Passage Regulator right past the "Fast" setting and into "Lucy and Ethel Making Chocolate" mode. For instance, how long has the iPod been out, now? We're coming up on two years, right? Mmmm, yup, uh huh, almost two years. My, how time flies!

For those of you wondering how we just performed that deft mental calculation without benefit of pencil, paper, modeling clay, and a troupe of actors to perform an illustrative interpretive dance of the months falling away and sending the iPod plunging headlong into the future, no, we didn't just do math in our heads. (As if.) Basically, we just happened to notice that Dell is finally getting around to copying Apple's breakthrough music player, and that usually takes between 18 and 24 months; witness the WebPC copying the iMac, the OptiPlex enclosure copying the Power Mac G3/G4 easy-open case, etc. If Mike Dell's copycat obsession with Steve Jobs were any more predictable, you could set your watch by it. (Actually, you can set your watch by it, but we wouldn't recommend it-- especially if you happen to take any rigidly-timed prescription medications.)

So far there's precious little detail available about what Dell's player will be like; the IDG News Service reports that it'll be hard drive-based with 15 GB of storage, it'll be built by Dell (so you know it'll be stylin'), and it has one really cool name. What'll it be called, you ask? Brace yourselves, kiddies, because it's one catchy name. Are you sitting down?

Seriously, are you ready for this? Yeah?

Okay, it's called the Digital Jukebox.

Yeah, we know. Steve Jobs is kicking himself even as we speak while also flogging his marketing team and screaming "Why didn't we come up with that?!"

Anyway, it sounds like the iPod has some real competitiommmppphhhHHAAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAA!! Yeah, we thought we could get through that with a straight face, but no such luck. Anyway, we expect lots more information about the Dell Digital Jukebox will surface come Thursday, when the device is actually rumored to be launched. Will it be a straight iPod knockoff, or more of an "in the vein of" sort of deal, i.e. similar but lamer features with a dirt-cheap price all rolled up in a piece of industrial "design" apparently intended to wound and/or blind the user? We're on the edge of our seat!