Woooo-hoo! Apple's posted their yearly SEC-mandated 10-K report detailing their financial status for FY99! Oooh baby, Christmas certainly came a bit early this year, didn't it? So don't delay-- rush right over and read that whole... um... 220KB file... full of dry financial data... Hmm. It's not exactly for the faint of heart. More accurately, it's not for the short of attention span. If, like us, reading corporate financial data sends you straight into a narcoleptic episode, you might want to steer clear of the real deal, especially before operating heavy machinery.

Instead, do what we do: read the Cliffs Notes version, instead. Why dig through a 60-page report when MacCentral's churned out a convenient 5-page summary? Then again, five pages is still a bit much to folks like us, who tend to get distracted by all the pretty flashing lights this time of year. How about MacNN's one-page summary instead? Ah, that's more like it. We bravely struggled through it and extracted the info-bites we needed: unit sales are up 25% over the previous year; net sales are up only 3% due to lower-priced systems; sales are down slightly in the fourth quarter due to the G4 shortage and the Taiwan earthquake; sales are up all over the globe; gross margins are up; R&D expenditures increased 4%. For the most part, all good news. Whew... can we stop thinking, now? "Married... With Children" is on...

Oh, one last thing-- for those of you who would rather not wade into waters quite as deep as even one page of facts (perhaps you're just more interested in the "kiddie pool" analysis: what do the numbers mean for Apple?), you're in luck! MacWEEK condenses all that data into one simple statement: financial analysts are "happy, if not surprised," with Apple's performance. Really, what more do you need to know? Okay, we're out of here-- it's the two-parter where the Bundys move into the supermarket...

You probably think the only green Mac comes in Lime, right? Well, think again: the Clean Computer Campaign has rated Apple as one of the "greenest" computer companies out there this year. The CCC, "a project of the Silicon Valley Toxics Coalition," took a look at twenty-one "major computer producers" and rated them on their friendliness to the environment. Is it any surprise that Apple tied for top honors? Sure, Steve and friends may be trying to shake their groovy, crunchy image in favor of a more "grown-up" corporate feel-- the jettisoning of the six-color Apple logo's just one example-- but the sense of Apple as a "socially conscious" company remains. And according to the CCC, it's not just an image.

Interestingly enough, one of the criteria the CCC used in developing its rankings was the upgradeability of each company's computers. Whoops! Guess that's where Apple lost some points from the East German judge; with its lack of slots and its soldered-in processor, the iMac would be the Disposable Computer poster child if it weren't too cute to throw away. And there's that whole flap about the Power Mac G4 not necessarily being processor-upgradeable, either. Still, all in all, Apple scored 4 out of 5, tying IBM for the top spot-- so they must be doing something right. Maybe it was the company's corporate pledge not to ship Macs with cases crafted out of depleted Uranium. Or perhaps it's the way that all Macs are shipped in boxes made of "I Can't Believe It's Not Corrugated!"™, a soy-based cardboard substitute, instead of actual dead trees. Who can say?

One way or the other, Apple's been deemed environmentally friendly. So fret not-- if your taste runs more toward the Grape area of the spectrum, you can buy an iMac in the flavor of your choice and still stay green. Meanwhile, Dell only scored a 2 out of 5 in the CCC's rankings; we suppose now it's only a matter of time before Mike Dell starts wearing turtlenecks and Birkenstocks in public and announces that all Dell computers will soon be 100% recyclable. Well, except for the operating system-- Windows will remain a piece of trash, but that's hardly within Dell's control.

Uh-oh... trouble in paradise? Well, okay, maybe Microsoft can't reasonably be described as "paradise" these days, what with the whole "Redmond Justice" thing going so poorly, but it's not like the company's hurting financially; the stock's up to an all-time high, profits keep tumbling in, and whenever another company threatens to compete, it's a simple matter to buy it out or crush it like a bug. Life is good in Redmond, right? So why is Microsoft's Chief Financial Officer leaving?

Yup, Inter@ctive Investor has the story. It seems that CFO Greg Maffei has called it quits, supposedly to become the CEO of a Canadian company called Worldwide Fiber, Inc. (No, they don't make breakfast cereal. Fiber optics, ya goob.) Did Greg simply get an offer he couldn't refuse, or are there deeper issues here? The article refers to "a lot of rumors of friction between he [sic] and Bill Gates." Hmmm. Perhaps Greg's conscience was catching up with him and he decided he'd like a good night's sleep after spending so long in charge of Microsoft's ill-gotten gains. After all, what's more wholesome than fiber? You have to read between the lines, people. Maybe Greg just saw the writing on the wall and got while the getting was good.

Anyway, stepping in to fill Greg's shoes is "11-year Microsoft veteran" John Connors. We wish him luck, because we really think he'll have his hands full. Especially with all those robots from the future trying to kill him before he grows up to lead the human resistance. Oh, wait... that's John Connor? Never mind...