You remember all those arguments about why the iMac was doomed to fail, right? No floppy, no slots, no legacy ports, etc. But one of the iMac's limitations was never as loudly decried as we thought it would be: the processor's not upgradeable. See, the iMac's G3 daughtercard includes the Mac hardware ROM, which only Apple can manufacture, and they don't sell them as parts-- so while third-party companies could create an upgrade card that would fit in the iMac's slot, without a ROM, the iMac wouldn't be a Mac at all. Fat lot of good a faster processor does you if you can't even boot your system, right?

But where there's a wallet, there's a way. They said it couldn't be done, but Newer Technology went ahead and did it anyway; now owners of non-slot-loading iMacs (that'd be all systems running at 333 MHz and lower) can upgrade the processor in their funky little space eggs to a blistering 466 MHz. How so, you ask? It's like this: Newer's iMAXpowr G3 actually includes the ROM chip from another iMac. In fact, based on the interview and article posted at Mac Speed Zone, it sounds like Newer bought a slew of old iMac processor cards, replaced all the 233 MHz G3s with 466 MHz ones, and thus built up an initial supply of product. Now, here's the tricky part: when you buy an iMAXpowr G3, you pay $699. After you receive the upgrade, you have five days in which to send back your original processor card, which Newer will turn into another iMAXpowr G3 to sell to someone else. If you return your old card within the five-day period, you get $200 back, for a net cost of $499. (Miss the deadline and your rebate is reduced to $150.)

It's a neat idea, and we can't wait to hear how it works in practice. The iMAXpowr G3 isn't shipping just yet, but it'll be available sometime this month. If you've got an older iMac and want to kick it into high gear, hurry up and get that tax refund. Heck, what else are you going to do with the money, put it in the bank?

Tsk, tsk-- Macs involved in an espionage scandal. Whodathunkit? It just goes to show you there's a seamy underbelly to everything in this world. Faithful viewer Brian Jacobs Meyer was first to tell us about John Deutch, a former CIA director now under fire for having kept sensitive and classified information on his home computer. In intelligence circles, that's technically known as a "no-no." According to the New York Times, not only was Deutch accused of "[mishandling] large volumes of secret material," but the resulting internal investigation was also "impeded" by "top officials" looking to protect their old crony. Misdeeds and coverups in the CIA? Say it ain't so! Is nothing sacred anymore?

The interesting bit, though, is that when Deutch took over as director of the CIA, he declined the classified computer the agency offered to install in his house, which would allow him to work on classified documents from home. Instead, he's alleged to have used "unclassified Macintosh computers" at his home to perform the sensitive work. He claims that he was "afraid that other CIA officials would see what he was writing" if he used the classified terminals. We have to say, there's a certain degree of logic to that-- and as Brian points out, an "unclassified" Mac is probably still more secure than whatever the heck the CIA is using for classified PCs. Still, a no-no's a no-no, and scandal's the soy milk in our coffee, so to heck with it.

On a personal note, the AtAT staff is very familiar with John Deutch; he was the provost of MIT for a short time while we attended, and even then his close ties to the CIA and the Defense Department drew harsh criticism. Had we known at the time he was a Mac user, we may have been inclined to cut him a little slack. Hey, good taste can make up for plenty of misdeeds and peccadillos in this world. But that doesn't mean we're inviting Rush Limbaugh over for brunch anytime soon.

Hands up, who remembers Microsoft Bob®? No, it's not that odd little man in your company's IT department who swears up and down that, contrary to all available evidence, Microsoft Exchange Server doesn't suck. Bob® was Microsoft's first ill-fated attempt to simplify and personalize the computing experience; a few years back, Bob® showed up on store shelves bearing a big yellow smiley face on its box-- complete with Bill Gatesesque glasses. Needless to say, the whole thing crashed and burned. Bob®'s simplified applications and operating system shell weren't all that compelling, and Microsoft's feeble steps to make computing more "friendly" consisted of embarrassing little things like calling certain buttons "squishies." (We're not kidding-- check out one of the few remaining Bob® support pages for proof.) In the end, Bob® accomplished two things: it proved just how profoundly Microsoft was out of touch with the average shmoe computer user, and it provided plenty of fodder for jokes about how anyone named "Bob" now must license the use of the name on a monthly basis from Bill & Co.

So why do we bring it up now? Because the spirit of Bob® lives on, albeit as merely a shadow of its former self. Faithful viewer Matthew Guerrieri was first in line to point out that Microsoft's next consumer operating system, Windows Millennium Edition, will also be known as-- wait for it-- Windows Me. According to a CNN Interactive article, the Windows Me name is supposed to help prevent "customer confusion" that inevitably must arise from Microsoft's dual-OS strategy; soon there'll be Windows 2000 for the professional and server market, and Windows Me for home use. Which isn't confusing in the least. And before you get all suspicious and everything, the whole Windows Me name certainly isn't just a ploy to extract more cash from a gullible public for a mediocre Windows 98 service pack consisting of bug fixes and a few anemic feature upgrades that should have been free in the first place.

Needless to say, Microsoft's "personalization" kick won't stop with Windows Me. AtAT's highly-placed and infallible sources tell us that the company's about to go pronoun-crazy. When Windows 2000 Release 2 is ready, it'll be renamed Windows Them, to reflect the often antagonistic relationship between corporate IT departments and the rest of the company they allegedly support. Then, on the consumer side, we'll see Windows Him and Windows Her, as Microsoft moves to split its operating system strategy still further by offering versions of Windows tailored to appeal to gender stereotypes, à la Mattel's "Hot Wheels/Barbie" dichotomy. Further in the future, keep an eye out for Windows You (targeted at fans of Jay McInerney's Bright Lights, Big City), Windows It (for short, shaggy cousins with a penchant for wearing bowler hats), and Windows Us (aimed squarely at the oft-neglected and highly lucrative codependent and Borg markets). Heck, if things keep going in that direction, eventually we'll see Windows That Guy Down The Street Who Always Wears That Sweater And Leaves His Christmas Lights Up Until March.