Hands up, who remembers Microsoft Bob®? No, it's not that odd little man in your company's IT department who swears up and down that, contrary to all available evidence, Microsoft Exchange Server doesn't suck. Bob® was Microsoft's first ill-fated attempt to simplify and personalize the computing experience; a few years back, Bob® showed up on store shelves bearing a big yellow smiley face on its box-- complete with Bill Gatesesque glasses. Needless to say, the whole thing crashed and burned. Bob®'s simplified applications and operating system shell weren't all that compelling, and Microsoft's feeble steps to make computing more "friendly" consisted of embarrassing little things like calling certain buttons "squishies." (We're not kidding-- check out one of the few remaining Bob® support pages for proof.) In the end, Bob® accomplished two things: it proved just how profoundly Microsoft was out of touch with the average shmoe computer user, and it provided plenty of fodder for jokes about how anyone named "Bob" now must license the use of the name on a monthly basis from Bill & Co.

So why do we bring it up now? Because the spirit of Bob® lives on, albeit as merely a shadow of its former self. Faithful viewer Matthew Guerrieri was first in line to point out that Microsoft's next consumer operating system, Windows Millennium Edition, will also be known as-- wait for it-- Windows Me. According to a CNN Interactive article, the Windows Me name is supposed to help prevent "customer confusion" that inevitably must arise from Microsoft's dual-OS strategy; soon there'll be Windows 2000 for the professional and server market, and Windows Me for home use. Which isn't confusing in the least. And before you get all suspicious and everything, the whole Windows Me name certainly isn't just a ploy to extract more cash from a gullible public for a mediocre Windows 98 service pack consisting of bug fixes and a few anemic feature upgrades that should have been free in the first place.

Needless to say, Microsoft's "personalization" kick won't stop with Windows Me. AtAT's highly-placed and infallible sources tell us that the company's about to go pronoun-crazy. When Windows 2000 Release 2 is ready, it'll be renamed Windows Them, to reflect the often antagonistic relationship between corporate IT departments and the rest of the company they allegedly support. Then, on the consumer side, we'll see Windows Him and Windows Her, as Microsoft moves to split its operating system strategy still further by offering versions of Windows tailored to appeal to gender stereotypes, à la Mattel's "Hot Wheels/Barbie" dichotomy. Further in the future, keep an eye out for Windows You (targeted at fans of Jay McInerney's Bright Lights, Big City), Windows It (for short, shaggy cousins with a penchant for wearing bowler hats), and Windows Us (aimed squarely at the oft-neglected and highly lucrative codependent and Borg markets). Heck, if things keep going in that direction, eventually we'll see Windows That Guy Down The Street Who Always Wears That Sweater And Leaves His Christmas Lights Up Until March.