So you're out there on the ledge, tie flapping in the breeze, your expensive coiffure ruined by your compulsive hair-tearing as you watched the Dow and the NASDAQ duke it out in the financial equivalent of a limbo contest. As the markets played "how low can you go," you watched your net worth spiral down the drain of insolvency. You've lost it all-- and now you're going to end it all, because two weeks ago you were riding the crest of the Internet Economy, and today you can't even afford an ice cream cone. But hey, buddy, cheer up; if you put those suicide plans on hold until after Tuesday, those happy folks at Ben & Jerry's will buy you a cone. On the 18th, from noon until 8PM, ice cream's on the house in every B&J's store all over the world. See? There is something to live for.

In fact, you don't even have to wait until Tuesday the 18th to start feeling better. Faithful viewer Julie Stephens points out that Ben and Jerry (or at least their WebHeads) are evidently Mac people, because in anticipation of Free Cone Day, they used the HomePage component of iTools and posted their own iMovie revealing "The Dangers of Cow Tipping." Check it out, 'cause it's a hoot-- just the thing to get your mind off the fact that the DotCom bubble popped hard, and you'll be hiding from creditors and eating cat food for the rest of your haunted, sad little life.

So let's recap, shall we? The ice cream's on Ben and Jerry, the bandwidth's on Apple, and nothing beats goofy home movies and frozen treats to cheer up a depressed little day-trader. So come in from off the ledge, unplug the phone, and watch "The Dangers of Cow Tipping" over and over again until Tuesday. Then drag your sorry butt down to the local Ben & Jerry's, freeze your head on some free eats (there's even sorbet for the vegans out there-- are you listening, Steve-o?), and we guarantee you'll feel better. Good thing there are Scoop Shops not too far from Wall Street...

And while we poor, optimistic schmucks continue to wait impatiently for Apple's promised re-entry into the handheld computer market, neither Palm nor Microsoft is standing still. In fact, the rumors making the rounds about Palm's next move sound familiar in a very Applesque way. According to a CNET article, Palm is looking to add wireless connectivity of one form or another to its entire product line-- and we're not just talking about infrared for beaming business cards. Does that ring any bells? Maybe it's just us, but we note more than a passing resemblance to Apple's decision to build AirPort compatibility into every Mac it sells.

The similarity doesn't end there. One rumor is that Palm will "streamline" its product line so that it only offers two models (the Palm III and the Palm V) in two different flavors: full wireless connectivity, à la the Palm VII, and "Bluetooth" capability. Bluetooth, for the uninitiated, is a short-range wireless technology which would allow the Palm to use a Bluetooth-enabled cell phone for wireless access. Hmmm, two classes of products (consumer and pro) available in two versions (portable and ultra-portable)... where have we seen a similar four-corner product strategy before?

Meanwhile, Microsoft's readying the rollout of the next generation of Windows CE, dubbed "Pocket PC"-- and guess what the big buzzword is? According to Inter@ctive Week, it's wireless, wireless, wireless. When the new system is unveiled on Wednesday, Microsoft is expected to debut "MSN Mobile for Pocket PC" that will give the new devices wireless Internet access. The big difference here is that apparently Pocket PC will get full 'net access, complete with real honest-to-goodness web browsing capability, in stark contrast to Palm.net's "web clipping" technology; while Palm.net's slogan is "connecting you to the best of the Internet," it sounds like Microsoft wants to connect you to the rest of the Internet.

But what really sticks in our collective craw about this whole Pocket PC thing is that Microsoft's general strategy to compete is to be the handheld that can do "what you can't do with a Palm." Like, say, actual web browsing-- like you could do on the Newton. Microsoft's also planning to trumpet the fact that Pocket PC devices have far more horsepower than Palm ones. Palm units use Motorola's Dragonball chip, while Pocket PC systems can use much faster processors, like the StrongArm-- you know, that chip that powered the Newton. See where we're going with this? For lack of focus and a decent marketing strategy, Apple squandered what might have been a solid lead in the handheld race, and now we're sitting here waiting for the company to release something-- anything-- to get back into the game, while Palm and Microsoft slug it out using technologies and strategies strikingly reminiscent of those from Apple's own present and past. Irony: it's not just for breakfast anymore.

Hot on the heels of last week's revelation about Microsoft's web server Easter egg, we've been told about an Easter egg in the latest version of Internet Explorer for the Mac. The web server back door was as potentially harmful as it was amusing: reportedly typing the phrase "Netscape engineers are weenies" into the FrontPage web editing software grants illicit access to tons of web sites out there running under Windows NT. In contrast, this IE5 Easter egg is completely harmless (as far as we can tell, anyway), but it's still kinda cool. You may have seen it already, but it was new to us. Here are the directions on how to trigger it, as sent on by faithful viewer GORDYmac:

• Open up the "Search" tab. Make a mental note of the options present. Close it.
• Open up the "Preferences" window and select "Language/Fonts"
• Select "Add"
• Select "User Defined"
• Type in "ie-ee"
• Select it on the list of languages and click "Move Up"
• Close Preferences
• Open The "Search" Tab
• Click the Customize Button

Did you see it?

• Now, close the window and look at the options again.

Cool, huh?

Cool indeed, though the implications of a giant Internet Explorer logo crushing Netscape's mascot take on a dark and sinister tone when examined in light of the "Redmond Justice" case. Personally, we'd have thought a giant cartoony Bill Gates bloodily chewing off Mozilla's head might have been more appropriate, but hey, we just work here.