Ahhh, that's more like it... not only is the overall stock market rising from its ashes (and who doesn't love a good comeback story?), but Apple's stock in particular also pulled off a particularly memorable turnaround. Good ol' AAPL rose a solid twelve points throughout Monday's trading session, finally closing at nearly 124. Evidently the panic is starting to subside, as investors are remembering that this whole hiccup was sparked by a governmental ruling against Microsoft-- and they're realizing just how little that ruling means. Sure, it makes for some hearty "Redmond Justice" drama, but it's just a TV show, people. Let's face it; in a knock-down, drag-out, back-alley knife fight between Microsoft and the government, we'd lay our money on the geeks instead of the bureaucrats every time. Think of it this way: does Microsoft rely on the government's software to function? Ha. Give us fifty on Redmond to get the last laugh. Heck, if worse comes to worst, Gates could just buy the country and declare himself emperor.

That said, could there be a better time for the markets to recover and for investors to recognize Mighty Bill's nigh-invulnerability? Not from Apple's perspective, we bet. Because the magic conference call is scheduled for Wednesday afternoon, and a cautiously-bullish market looking to recover some of the paper losses incurred over the past two weeks might see AAPL as the bargain of a lifetime, assuming Apple's numbers are any good. And is there any reason to doubt that Apple had another Street-beating profitable quarter? Nuh-uh-- especially since the company even issued one of those fabulous "Media Alerts" to remind everyone that the conference call is being webcast via QuickTime 4. We doubt Apple would be so vocal if the news is anything but good. So make sure you tune in at 2PM Pacific on Wednesday to hear just how well Apple did-- and then ponder what'll happen to AAPL when the markets open on Thursday.

By the way, we'd be remiss if we neglected to remind you that if you still haven't entered the Q2/2000 Beat The Analysts contest, your time is running out. You've got until three hours before the conference call, and if you haven't registered your guess by then, you'll be out of luck. Everybody knows that a guest appearance on AtAT is the one sure-fire path to fame and fortune. Just ask... well, any of the other people who ever won BTA whose names we don't happen to recall right now. So get prognosticating.

It's time to take stock of the natural laws of our universe. First, there are the five fundamental forces: electromagnetic, gravitational, strong nuclear, weak nuclear, and duct tape. Then there are all those "conservation" laws-- conservation of matter, conservation of momentum, conservation of pocket change under the sofa cushions, yadda yadda yadda. But did you know there's apparently a law of conservation of Apple distributors? Hey, it was news to us, too. As near as we can make out, the bill was passed by The Powers That Be sometime within the past three years, after Apple was forced to trim its list of authorized distributors from five to two; only Pinacor and Ingram Micro remained.

Well, about a month ago, in the spirit of a healthy and growing company, Apple announced that it was adding a new distributor to its list: Tech Data. This move indicated strong demand for Apple's products, and there was much rejoicing. Dealers applauded the arrival of a third distributor, because it gives them more flexibility in certain situations. Let's say-- purely for the sake of argument, you understand-- that there's an availability problem with, oh, let's say Apple's latest portables. (It'd never happen, we know, but bear with us, here.) If such an unlikely scenario ever came to pass, then dealers with no PowerBooks to sell would have a third distributor to complain to. See how this benefits both the dealer and the consumer?

But alas, the newly-formed Mighty Mac Triumvirate has fallen upon hard times. In accordance with the new law of conservation of Apple distributors, MacNN is reporting that Pinacor's parent company, MicroAge, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. As a result, dealers are scampering away from Pinacor's "unclean" status and running for cover under the wings of Tech Data and Ingram. So now we're left with a tough question: was the recruitment of Tech Data as a new Apple distributor really a reflection of a healthy Mac market, or was it simply a buffer move by Apple's management, who saw MicroAge's financial situation preparing to crater? Either way, depending on how this whole Chapter 11 thing turns out, it sounds like we're effectively back to two distributors, for a while at least.

Oh, that poor, troubled iBook. It was bad enough that all that "girly computer" nonsense marred its long-awaited debut. Then events like the LCD shortage and the Taiwanese earthquake conspired to delay availability by months. And once people were actually able to buy Apple's fruit-flavored portables, a new scandal began to brew: some iBooks displayed an alarming tendency to chow down on users' data, rendering the system unbootable and sending everything on the hard drive to the Great Bitbucket In The Sky. (This disturbing behavior was eventually linked to Apple's new "Preserve memory contents on sleep" Energy Saver option-- turn it off if you haven't already.) There was even a false alarm about hairline fractures appearing in the iBook's Ice plastics; these imperfections turned out to normal "pour lines," which are simply more visible in translucent materials.

For a portable that's only been in the public eye for a mere nine months, that's one tumultuous history. And since we do adore our own iBook so, we admit we're hesitant to heap yet more scandal on its already-full plate. Still, our first responsibility is to the safety of our viewing audience, and so we feel we must warn you about the iBook's latest, er, flaw. Apparently data isn't the only thing some iBooks like to munch on. Reports are trickling in from the field that some users have been attacked by their iBooks, which leap up and snap shut, attempting to trap the operator's head and/or face in between the LCD panel and the keyboard. We were skeptical ourselves, until we saw photographic evidence of this frightening phenomenon right on Apple's own web site. It may appear that the woman depicted is smiling, but we've been assured that what you're seeing is actually a grimace of terror as she attempts to pry her head from the jaws of the ravenous iBook. Be warned; this footage may be inappropriate for our younger and more sensitive viewers.

When last we checked, searching Apple's Tech Info Library for "iBook AND bite" still turned up zero results, but you remember how long it took them to acknowledge the "Preserve contents" bug. For now, barring an official notice from Apple, we can only recommend that iBook owners treat their systems with respect; in all reported instances of iBook bites, the iBook in question had been misused in some way. Keep spillable beverages a safe distance away, clean the screen regularly, and above all, no cracks about "girly" looks. The head you save may be your own.