For the Mac rumor addict, these are troubled times indeed. Never mind the recent and ongoing paucity of juicy info that's making the Irish potato famine look like all-you-can-eat at Sizzler; things have gotten far worse. Now it's not just the rumors that have gone away-- the rumormongers are leaving, too. In particular we're talking about that outré utensil known to his disciples as Mac The Knife. We're sure you noticed that His Knifeness has been MIA for months now, but you may not have been particularly worried, since his, er, "unique pharmaceutical orientation" has led to unplanned hiatuses in the past. This time, though, we're starting to think that everyone's favorite blade may be gone for good.

See, we stumbled upon some reader-submitted comments in response to a MacWEEK article about the publication's new lineup of editors and writers, and some of them mince few words about the Knife's status: "the Knife is gone, gone, gone. Not because the writer is dead, but just gone from this place." Could it be true? This is terrible! Now where will we go for Apple leaks revealed through a hazy sludge of drug humor and obscure pop culture references?

The forlorn masses desperate to make sense of this tragic loss have kicked together quite a lively little discussion thread over there. One soul so in need of meaning even goes so far as to suggest that the Knife may have been none other than the dear departed Don Crabb himself, given the coinciding time frames of each persona's departure. Another clings to hopes for the future: "Keep your eyes open; a resurrection in a new body and in a new place is at hand, I hear." Hope springs eternal.

Most telling, however, is the astute observation that ZDNet writer Matthew Rothenberg's voice is oddly familiar. Just take a gander at his most recent column. "Edit it, Dan-o! This bad boy's ready to file"? If Rothenberg isn't the Knife, he's certainly channeling the Knife's eternal spirit; either way, those jonesing for a Knife hit can get at least a quick taste from Rothenberg's weekly column. It ain't the Knife, per se, but it's something. And here's hoping that someone else moves in to fill the yawning gap left in the hardcore rumors space.

If you've been following "Redmond Justice" lately, you know that on last Friday's episode, the government officially filed a proposal for the breakup of Microsoft into two distinct companies. You may feel that the government's plan will prevent further abuses of monopoly power. Contrariwise, you might think that splitting up Microsoft will be kind of like when Mickey cut up the brooms in Fantasia, and soon we're just going to have two brooms causing trouble. (We at AtAT lean more towards the latter opinion, and had been holding out hope for a remedy calling for lethal injections for all Microsoft executives. Well, except for maybe the Macintosh Business Unit, who should emerge unscathed.) Either way, though, you have to admit-- it's a heck of a plot twist.

Now, the next scheduled event in this long-running series is slotted for May 10th, which is the deadline by which Microsoft will have to submit its response to the government's remedy proposal. But get this-- Microsoft says it needs more time. According to a Wired article, spokesman Jim Cullinan said the company will ask for an extension in order to prepare a "detailed defense" against the breakup plan. Microsoft's legal team will file its objections on May 10th, as scheduled, but will also ask for more time to "gather data and detail its opposition." So just because Microsoft was found guilty several weeks ago, don't start thinking it'll all be over soon. "There could be hearings and witnesses with examination and cross-examination"-- in other words, a post-trial trial. And if the judge agrees to kick Microsoft a little more time, "it could postpone a final remedy for months." Stall tactics, anyone?

Of course, if Microsoft would just get on the stick, the company wouldn't need an extension. The government's brief was filed on Friday, right? Well, on Tuesday Cullinan said that Microsoft had "not started even looking into the details of their proposal." Oh, come on, guys-- what have you been doing for the past four days? Okay, granted, there were new shows on Fox last Sunday night, but still, that's three hours out of ninety-six. We bet they spent all that time trying to fix a corrupted Registry or resolving an IRQ conflict...

If you're one of those obsessive people that follows every little hardware release for the Mac, you probably already know that Lexmark recently introduced its first Mac-compatible inkjet printer, the Z52. Furthermore, if you've got a mind for detail retention beyond the means of most mere mortals (or, say, people with actual lives), you might even be able to rattle off some of that model's specs, like 2400x1200 dpi resolution, an engine that can churn out up to 15 black-printed pages per minute (7 pages in color), and even an Accu-Feed™ paper handling system that can handle "a wide range of paper from envelopes to transparencies and everything in between." But we'll wage dollars to doughnuts that you didn't realize that the Z52 also prints on foodstuffs.

Yup, that's right-- you can print on food, provided it's relatively flat and includes a certain level of structural integrity. See, faithful viewer Carter Adler wrote in to point out a Lexington Herald-Leader article about the new Z52, which mentions in passing that "a couple of years ago at a press briefing in Cancun, Mexico, a tortilla was fed through a Z-line printer to demonstrate the 'jam-proof' Accu-Feed paper-handling system. It worked." Now, once you've finished your little thought about how marketing people sure lead tough lives, traveling all the way to Cancun just to print on a tortilla, consider the implications, here: we Mac users finally have a printer that can print on flatbread. We don't mind telling you people, we at AtAT were this close to getting a PC for our studios solely for the purpose of churning out photo-quality prints on tortillas for our "Eat 'n' Read" burrito series.

And so, thanks to Lexmark, when it comes to printing on tortillas, we Mac users are no longer second-class citizens. Now if you'll excuse us, we've got a business plan to work on. We can't tell you too much about it, but you know how occasionally the tabloids freak out over the image of Jesus or Mary or Elvis appearing in a flour tortilla? All we can say is, Ka-ching!!

(Addendum for the ironically-challenged: printer ink may or may not be toxic; we don't know and we don't particularly care. In any case it's probably not good for you when taken internally. This was a joke. Don't go making yourself sick by chowing down on burritos bearing your home-printed images of religious icons or hip-wiggling rock stars. You've been warned.)