Here's a fun thought experiment: if a large computer corporation were to alienate an entire country and culture by systematically cancelling trade shows year after year, discontinuing localized software products, and eliminating local sales and marketing departments, what would happen to its market share? The answer may surprise you. Apple, always a company willing to invest in wacky R&D projects solely for the sake of satisfying morbid scientific curiosity (how else can you explain those creepy Performa infomercials from a few years back?), decided to try just that. The test subject? The United Kingdom, who has been the recipient of various Apple slights for almost three years running, and the results are in: according to The Register, Apple's UK market share in Q1 was up 46% from the same quarter a year ago. Strange, yes? It's like some kind of tech industry version of a daytime sleaze show: "Abusive Computer Manufacturers and the Countries Who Love Them," on the next Springer.

This surprising turn of events is particularly shocking to those of us who have been following Apple's episodic schedule of emotional abuse ever since the company pulled out of Apple Expo 98 two and a half years ago. Then the 1999 show was cancelled outright, the 2000 show (which Apple promised to attend, complete with a Steve Jobs keynote) collapsed after a last-minute Apple withdrawal, the UK English version of the Mac OS went the way of the dodo, and the UK Marketing team was disbanded in favor of more centralized European control. With each slap in the face, we figured Apple was one step closer to causing the complete implosion of the UK Macintosh market-- and then this 46% sales increase smacks us in the head from left field. Sounds like Apple's products are simply too darn good to resist, right?

Well, sort of. That 46% increase isn't terribly impressive when you look at Apple's actual slice of the steak and kidney pie: 3.5%, up from 2.7% a year ago. That's a mere 0.8% difference, for the mathematically challenged. A fluctuation that small could have been caused by unusually low interest rates in the UK earlier in the year, or by Steve Jobs publicly voicing a preference for English muffins over bagels for breakfast. We'll feel more secure about Apple's future in the UK if the numbers climb to at least 5% by Christmas. And Apple-- it's probably time to stop the whole "let's annoy the British" experiment. Surely there are far more interesting projects to undertake, like a "G4 for President" campaign, or a push to make the dogcow the official California state mammal.

Back when Steve retook the helm of Apple and started making tough decisions, we recall more than a little angst in the Mac community from those who felt that Apple was being transformed into NeXT. High-ranking NeXT employees were being hoisted into top Apple executive positions, and Steve ran the company while using not a PowerBook, but a Toshiba laptop running the NeXT operating system. With the new Mac OS to be based on NeXTSTEP and Steve in a position of near-absolute power, would any vestiges of the "classic" Apple survive?

In these more enlightened times, of course, we can all see that those fears have proven unwarranted. The Mac OS we all know and love has received continued updates, making it stronger than ever before. Mac OS X, while still NeXT at its core, seems to be sufficiently Mac-like to quell the fears of most of the community, Aqua's oddball interface changes notwithstanding. And the primary catalyst of Apple's return to greatness was the iMac-- not a hyper-expensive geek fetish box targeted at the science crowd, but a happy little consumer Mac that charmed the world with its low price, small footprint, and stylish colors. So Apple's still Apple, and not NeXT. After all, it's not like Apple's shipped a cube, right?

Whoops... Spoke too soon. If Mac OS Rumors isn't just blowing smoke, then it sounds like the next-generation Power Mac G4 may in fact be the NeXT-generation Power Mac G4. Apparently "UMA-2" G4 systems are already being tested in several top-secret locations, featuring multiple prototype G4 processors and lots of other high-tech gear all crammed into a completely new enclosure. This new case has "a wider form factor than today's Graphite minitowers-- nearly cube-shaped, in fact." Natural progression necessitated by the new G4's internal components, or a cut-and-dried case of Apple's NeXTification? We'll know if the thing ships as all-black. (Personally, if Apple's going to ship an all-black computer, given that next year's 2001, we'd rather see the G4 take on a more monolith-shaped form factor instead.)

The case may be over, but it sounds like Microsoft's just beginning to fight. It figures, of course, that all through the "Redmond Justice" trial, Microsoft seemed to treat the whole thing as a joke, but now that a final ruling's been made, the company has decided it's finally time to go to war. And you thought Windows 2000 was late; by comparison, Microsoft's legal team makes the Win2000 developers look like early risers. Actually, that's not quite accurate, because it's not even Microsoft's lawyers who have scrambled to action-- it's the company's marketing department.

As faithful viewer Jerry O'Neil points out, the New York Times describes what we can only call a full-scale media blitz by Microsoft's spinmeisters. Having lost the case, the company is now reportedly spending "millions on ads and lobbying efforts" to try and win the battle of public opinion. And Microsoft isn't just limiting its efforts to lobbying in Washington; the Times refers to the company's assault as a "nationwide, seven-day-a-week program of mass-media advertising, letter-writing, petition drives and seemingly random 'interceptions' of elected officials at public events." It's nice what illegally-obtained monopoly money can buy, isn't it? Expect to see plenty of politicians becoming suddenly vocal about the shameful way the current administration has tried to stifle "innovation."

But as we all know, it's not the politicians that will make the difference; it's the average slack-jawed yokel. Enter Operation Sweater v2.0. If you were watching The X-Files last night (which was in itself an interesting choice of advertising airtime-- target an audience who already displays a predilection for "the government's out to get us" conspiracy theories) you saw it: good ol' Bill Gates himself, deigning once more to speak to his royal subjects. Not about the trial, of course, but of "innovation" and how his company's been "making great software for twenty-five years" (evidently they just haven't released any of it yet). And, of course, "the best is yet to come." Here's the really wacky bit, though: if you were sharp, you noticed that Bill was wearing a different sweater. Version 1.0 was a navy blue V-neck deal with vertical stripes in the weave; last night's update featured a similar sweater in a much lighter blue. Apparently the marketing folks finally figured out why the last commercial didn't induce hordes of outraged citizens to storm Washington, demanding freedom for Microsoft. It wasn't because Bill's words were largely meaningless fluff (since in 2.0 it's virtually unchanged, content-wise); it was because Bill's sweater was too dark. Well, we'll just have to wait and see if the lighter blue provokes the desired effect.