The ATI-Apple drama continues apace. For those of you who may have missed an episode, last week Steve Jobs, the Man of a Thousand Surprises, received a nasty little shock himself when graphics chipster ATI kinda sorta told the whole world about Apple's new iMacs and Power Macs a day or two before the big keynote. It seems that an ATI press release touting its new Radeon chipset also made mention of the new Apple gear that would carry it. Ooops. Steve, not generally one to tolerate screw-ups, reportedly threw a big scary snit-fit behind closed doors and rained terrible vengeance upon the transgressors: word has it that he ordered all Radeon boards pulled from Apple's show-floor Macs and brutally cut a segment from his keynote in which an ATI representative was slated to demo the Radeon live in front of the teeming throngs. All in all, it wasn't a pleasant scenario, and we're willing to bet that the ATI team gave its antiperspirant a serious workout last week.

In hopes of perhaps mitigating Steve's hellfire wrath, ATI initially claimed that the "leak" wasn't its fault, blaming Business Wire Trade Show Services for releasing the info before the specified date. However, sensing that it wasn't going to be able to wriggle out of this one, the company has since accepted responsibility for its actions; an IDG News Service article pointed out by faithful viewer Jay Forde indicates that ATI is now willing to take the blame for wrecking Steve's surprise. ATI spokesman Brian Chadderton is quoted as saying that "from ATI's perspective, information was erroneously provided to [Business Wire]... We take full responsibility for that." Which may also be interpreted roughly as "Please, Mr. Jobs, sir, stop pummeling us and we promise it'll never ever happen again."

ATI, as you know, makes the graphics circuitry used in every shipping Mac, and has enjoyed its status as Apple's sole graphics supplier for years. There's been a lot of talk that ever since the Rage 128 debacle (supposedly the buggy drivers were largely responsible for the Blue and White G3's reputation as a crashbox), Apple's been increasingly considering shifting its OEM business to another manufacturer-- such as NVIDIA, whose recent announcement of forthcoming Mac support drew murmurs of interest from the Mac community. And after ATI's surprise-wrecking blunder, we hear tell that NVIDIA has offered to have the lips of every employee surgically sewn shut in order to convince Steve that, as far as leaking top secret info is concerned, he'd have nothing to worry about from them.

It's widely believed that if you give an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters and an infinite amount of coffee, eventually they'll pound out the complete script of Hamlet. It's also a proven fact that once this happens, pirated photocopies of that historic script will surface on eBay quicker than spit. Because you can find anything in existence on eBay if you look hard enough or wait long enough; true, approximately 2.7 million of its claimed "over 4 million items for sale" are either Beanie Babies or Hard Rock Cafe pins, but that other 1.3 million items includes everything you ever wanted-- or, at least, it will at some point.

Case in point: faithful viewer Austin wrote in to let us know that some people are willing to sell just about anything to make a quick buck. In particular, there are a number of Apple Pro Mouse listings on eBay right now. Apparently some people who attended the keynote went through something like this: "Wow, Steve gave me a new mouse! It's like a tacit apology for selling me that puck; I don't have to wait until September, and I don't have to shell out $59. It's a wonderful memento of this thoroughly enjoyable keynote address and the joy I shared with thousands of Mac fans as we basked in the warm glow of Steve's Reality Distortion Field. This gorgeous new optical mouse is a special gift from Steve to me, and I'll treasure it forever-- even its special commemorative 'Macworld New York 2000' box." And then, after wiping away a tear of gratitude: "I wonder how much I can get for this thing?"

But if you're amazed at what some people are willing to sell, you should be even more stunned at what other people are willing to pay. Almost all of the Macworld rodents that have found their way onto eBay are commanding prices well in excess of the $59 it would cost to buy a new one at the Apple Store. Apparently some shoppers can't bear another forty-five days with the puck, and refuse to use any input device that doesn't come from the hallowed halls of Apple itself. Either that, or they're paying extra for the commemorative box. Maybe it's just us, but paying $168.50-- that's $109.50 over list price, for the mathematically-challenged-- for a white cardboard box and the privilege of owning this mouse a few weeks earlier than most, well, it just seems a little nuts. We would have figured that anyone who could blow that much money on a mouse could have paid to attend the keynote in person. But whatever. All we know is that we're not parting with ours; stipulations to be buried with them are going into the will right now.

Since we've just wrapped up a whole Macworld Expo with absolutely zero PowerBook announcements from the Big Steve, it's evidently time to kick the laptop speculation into high gear. At least, that's all we can infer from the appearance of a ZDNet article by erstwhile MacWEEK staffers Jason O'Grady and Matthew Rothenberg, which delves into the exciting possibilities of Apple's next pro portable, allegedly code-named "Mercury." And for those of you who've been wondering just when Apple would finally cram a full-fledged G4 into a PowerBook, it sounds like Mercury's your baby.

You of course all know by now that anytime you read something about Apple's upcoming products that begins with the phrase "Sources said," you should treat it with about as much credibility as you'd expect from Microsoft on the witness stand, right? That said, there are lots of intriguing little tidbits about Mercury; reportedly existing prototypes are already running at 400 and 500 MHz, but the final version may actually go "as fast as 750 MHz." The chassis is said to be lighter, thinner, and somehow "more streamlined" than that of the current PowerBook, and its screen is rumored not only to be fifteen inches in size, but also to use the widescreen aspect ratio like Apple's Cinema Display. Oh, and did we mention the slot-loading DVD-ROM drive?

Sounds like a serious pro machine to us; if it really ships in the form described in the article, Mercury is clearly targeted at graphics and video professionals who want to crank out quality work on the road. It's a portable Power Mac G4, with none of the compromises typically associated with using a laptop. As such, we expect it'll cost more than a new kidney-- both parts and labor. Our assumption is that the mysterious sixth square in Apple's new product matrix will bridge the gap between the iBook's low-cost, schoolkids-and-consumers design and the Mercury's desktop-in-a-laptop, no-compromises feature list and corresponding jaw-dropping price tag. And if the unseen third portable turns out to be a thin-and-light subnotebook, we (and many others) will praise the gods of product design and sing hosannas on our way to the dealer...