The drama of "Apple vs. Unknown NDA-Violating Scumwad And His Twenty-Four Lowlife Friends" continues apace; faithful viewer Julie Stephens notes an Associated Press article which reports that soon "John Doe 1" might sprout a real name. Apparently Apple has managed to secure a subpoena from Superior Court Judge Gregory H. Ward, demanding that Yahoo! "turn over records of a member using the computer pseudonym 'worker bee.'" Worker bee, as you know, frequented the AppleInsider message boards and frequently posted information about upcoming products that Apple claims are (or, uh, were) trade secrets. Hence the ruckus.

Despite the fact that John Doe 1/worker bee/whatever you want to call him is probably halfway to Tijuana by now, leaving a trail of scattered iBook DV photos in his wake, Apple seeks to learn his "name, e-mail and street address, phone number, and Internet protocol address." In addition, several highly-placed AtAT sources reveal that Apple has also specified that Yahoo! disclose worker bee's registered political affiliation, sexual orientation, favorite color, turn-ons and turn-offs, and what kind of car he drives. Yahoo! has reportedly expressed some puzzlement over these additional requests, stating that it does not collect that sort of information from GeoCities members. Apple's response was supposedly a broad wink and the cryptic phrase, "You know what we're talking about."

And so, the net begins to close; if he hasn't scarpered, soon worker bee will be dragged out into the daylight and beaten viciously with the Civil Liability Stick. While it's possible that he may have taken steps to cover his tracks, we doubt that he anticipated an actual lawsuit when he created his GeoCities accounts for the purpose of leaking Mac info. The only ways out we can see are Mexico and ritual suicide. (Well, not both together-- that'd just be silly.) Meanwhile, all we'll have left are worker bee's voluminous postings to the AppleInsider forums, of which there are many.

By the way, isn't it curious that Apple hasn't included the divulging of Cube information in its list of grievances? Because a quick scan of worker bee's posts reveals that he did post quite a lot of info pre-release about Apple's "mini-Mac"-- and there's even an interesting tidbit from just a week and a half ago about how the Cube's delay may in fact be due to the addition of a fan because the ATI graphics circuitry is running too hot. And then there's all the stuff about both the new iBook and the PowerBook G4. Which means that worker bee's legacy may remain for quite some time, even if Apple does manage to string him up and... well, we won't go there. Suffice it to say that the damage worker bee has done will linger for months, and that we bet Apple's looking to make its punishment last even longer.

Wow, we haven't seen such a stark example of the wonders of media spin since... well, since whenever Microsoft's last statement about "Redmond Justice" hit the airwaves. Bill's minions may be the masters, but a quick glace at two headlines about the same story reveals that "objective" reporting is typically anything but. On the one hand we've got "New Macs Hitting The Retail Shelves," ZDNet's feel-good, the-masses-are-happy, plenty-to-go-around story about the availability of Apple's new gear. On the other we've got "New Mac Cravings May Leave Some Buyers Hungry," CNET's dismal, no-one's-got-stock, the-end-is-nigh article about-- the availability of Apple's new gear. If he hadn't passed away a couple of years ago, Kurosawa would have nodded approvingly.

What's really interesting is that many of the facts cited in each story seem to match up fairly well-- it's just the spin that really differs. CNET does a great job of taking what many people would consider a blessing-- high demand-- and making it sound like the lowest of curses. ZDNet instead focuses on the customer excitement and downplays the availability glitches. Some facts are disputed, while others are just plain left out; while CNET claims that the Cube is "almost impossible to find," ZDNet notes that it isn't "due until September." It's a classic glass-half-empty, glass-half-full scenario.

In any event, it sounds like those of you who are itching to get your paws on the stuff that debuted at Expo shouldn't have too much trouble finding most of it floating around in the channel-- provided you're not looking for a $799 iMac (due next month). But anything else is fair game. Except maybe for a dual-processor G4/500 (should show up "within a week"). Er, or a Cube (who knows when?). Actually, how's this: if you want a Snow iMac DV Special Edition, you are so in luck.

Heads up-- the new Palms are here, but about the only sign of any possible influence by Apple is the presence of-- you guessed it-- new colors. Granted, that rumor that Palm might adopt the ill-fated Newton's handwriting recognition was debunked almost immediately, when the very source at PDA Geek who first voiced the speculation corrected himself by noting that the feature was actually just Palm's new recognitionless "Note Pad" application, which just lets users store freehand drawings and handwriting. Still, even with nothing more groundbreaking than a doodle application and snap-on color plates, the new $149 m100 may well give Handspring's Visor some scrappy competition. And for the "willing to pay more for the epitome of elegance and style" folks out there (Cube orderers, pay attention!), there are also now a couple of "special edition" Palm Vx models available for a limited time-- one in "Millennium Blue," and one in "Champagne." (Oh, yeah-- there's a new Palm VIIx, too, but since it doesn't come in pretty colors, it's hardly relevant.)

So: different colors. That's still the extent to which the PDA world has cribbed any of Apple's innovations. And given Uncle Steve's public comment that Apple had "been doing a lot of work with [Palm]," we can only assume that Palm's designers spent week after tortuous week in Apple's labs, studying flash cards and working with amphetamine-charged fashion consultants, drilling and quizzing around the clock, until that joyous hour arrived when they could pass the final test: identifying which swatches were grey, which were beige, and which were other colors. (Palm personnel who could further distinguish between, say, blue and yellow were immediately given bonuses and shuttled off to Palm's secret industrial design labs to get cracking.)

But now that the issue of different case colors has been tackled at long last, what other Apple-inspired innovations does the future hold for Palm? Well, as faithful viewer Michael points out, there have long been rumors that Palm is looking to switch processors. The Motorola Dragonball at the heart of every current Palm is starting to look a little droopy, performance-wise, and the industry scuttlebutt hints broadly that an ARM processor might be in the Palm's future. Don't believe it? Well, CNET says it's so-- "Palm and Acer will adopt ARM processors for future handhelds"-- and as we all know, CNET is never wrong.

Now, PDA fans who have been keeping score will have noticed the first noteworthy factor immediately: the Newton, lord rest its wacky little soul, was powered by an ARM processor. Is Palm's next processor choice Apple's influence, or just a coincidence? But even more delicious is the parallel to what's happening in the world of Mac processors. Motorola slacks on the G4; amid continuing megahertz-related marketing concerns and availability nightmares, Apple considers jumping ship to IBM's POWER4, Transmeta's Crusoe, or even an Intel chip (if Mac OS Rumors can be believed). Motorola slacks on the Dragonball; Palm thinks about switching to ARM. Wow. If this keeps up, soon Motorola's processors will only be used in coffeemakers and washing machines.