You know that comedy phenomenon where something funny gets repeated over and over again? (The "What does a yellow light mean?" / "Slow down" driver's test bit from Taxi springs eagerly to mind.) You start out laughing heartily. After the third repetition, you're only chuckling. Soon you're not even smiling, because it just becomes annoying. But then something magical happens: by the force of sheer repetition, it becomes funny once more. You start laughing again, harder than ever. Your face turns red, tears of mirth stream from your eyes, your side aches with the spasms of laughter, and you can't remember ever having a better time. Well, guess what? In the Megahertz Wars, we're not there yet.

Frankly, right now we're deeply entrenched in the "annoying" stage. On the one side you've got Mac OS Rumors claiming that Motorola is almost done with its updated G4 architecture we've taken to calling the G4+, but manufacturing yields are "worse than [those of] the existing G4s." So much for the end of availability problems. And while some chips can be run at speeds as high as 900 MHz, apparently those are pretty scarce; most G4+ chips that roll off the lines "either don't work at all or only operate reliably up to about 400 MHz." 400 MHz? Hot damn! Is everyone ready for another Speed Dump? 'Cause we can't wait for Apple to announce that its new high-end model is a dual-processor G4+/400 for the same price as the current dual G4/500. The resulting riots ought to be most entertaining.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the tracks, you've got Bloomberg reporting that Intel just showed off a working 2 GHz Pentium 4-- though the shipping version will debut at a paltry 1.4 GHz later this year. Laughing yet? Albert Yu, Intel's senior veep of the Architecture Group, claims that "the Pentium 4 is going to be the fastest desktop platform in the world." Oh, yeah? Well, we bet Apple's got Bytemarks and Photoshop benchmarks that'll prove otherwise, buddy! And that's not even counting the upcoming six-processor G4+/350!!

That's right; "sources close to Apple" tell us that rumors that the company's shopping around for a new Mac processor architecture are nothing but hokum. Apple instead plans to counter the Wintel threat by shipping massively multiprocessor systems with as many of Motorola's decreasing-clock-speed chips they can cram in the box. The hexaG4+/350 is only the beginning; by the middle of next year, look for the sixteen-processor G4++/150, and eventually a 32-processor G5/66 the size of a Buick. In the short-term, Apple is considering reintroducing Amelio-era numbered product names as a camouflage tactic; look for the new "Power Mac 2GHz" to debut any day now-- with two G4/500 chips on the motherboard. Hopefully customers will focus on the 2GHz's entirely coincidental name instead of the tech specs. Hey, who reads the small print these days, anyway? (By the way, that's the point at which we'll start laughing again.)

Who ever imagined that a regular six-sided polyhedron could cause so much darn trouble? You know, of course, that Steve Jobs never recovered from the cube fetish he first indulged at NeXT, and thus took the wraps off the Power Mac G4 Cube at last month's Macworld Expo. You probably also recall that a company called Cobalt considered suing Apple, because the Cube is too similar (at least in name) to its own Linux-based Qube. Well, that suit hasn't been filed-- yet-- but now both companies may have reason to sue someone else. It's like there's a party in the courtroom and everyone's invited!

See, according to faithful viewer Milo Auckerman, games site IGN has learned that Nintendo's upcoming "Project Dolphin" next-generation games console is likely to be cubic in design. It seems that the company's partners recently registered a slew of domain names hinting that when this product graces store shelves, it will bear the name "Nintendo Game Cube." And just as Apple's Power Mac G4 Cube sports the official nickname of "G4 Cube," Nintendo's dealie will supposedly be called the "N-Cube" in casual mixed company. Is anyone sensing a theme in the console market? You say X-Box, I say N-Cube, let's call the whole thing awful. Let us guess-- the Playstation 2 is currently being reworked into a new form factor dubbed the P-Block.

Anyway, The Register feels that if Nintendo does indeed ship a "cube-shaped console in slick white styling" the lawsuits will come a-flyin' fast and furious. First Apple might leap into the fray with one of its infamous trade dress suits-- particularly since the N-Cube runs a PowerPC at its core and Apple is (supposedly) trying to play up the Mac as a gaming platform. Then there's good ol' Cobalt, who would likely object to yet another computing device with a name like "cube." In fact, it appears that Nintendo's partners even registered the domain GAMEQUBE.NET, hinting that the company might say "triple-dog dare ya" and call its box the N-Qube. Heck, why not? One can never be too rich, too thin, or have too many intellectual property lawsuits nipping at one's heels.

So far we've got a Mac, a Linux server, and game console in the Cube War; all we need is a Wintel box to get things really rolling. Given Mike Dell's Apple-copying proclivities, can the Dell Kyewb be far behind?

What with the amount of intellectual property litigation in the Valley rising faster than clock speeds and blood pressure put together, one thing is clear: legal representation is a serious growth market. And what kind of computers are all those millions of lawyers using? The answer may surprise you. Well, okay, it probably won't, since it's Windows, but what might make you gasp slightly is that the use of Macs in the legal profession is reportedly on the rise.

According to an article in Law Office Computing Magazine, even as early as February of 1998, a disproportionate 8.9% of small law firms reported that Macintosh was the dominant platform in their offices. What with the subsequent release of the iMac, the PowerBook G3, and all those other goodies, we don't find it too much of a logical leap to guess that the percentage of primarily-Mac-using lawyers is even higher today. While the larger firms are generally slaves to the triple threat of Windows/Office/Exchange (as AtAT's resident fact-checker and Goddess of Minutiae can painfully confirm), many smaller firms are One With Steve. So, evidently, people who want to work with Macs can either learn graphic design, or go to law school.

As for why Macs are increasingly popular among the lawyer set, we could say it's because of elegance, reliability, ease of use, and attention to detail-- the last being a virtue by which attorneys make their living and that Apple just happens to have in truckloads. But that'd be naïve. No, the reason that lawyers are liking Macs is because the company who makes them is drumming up so much business for them. With Apple loath to go after the enterprise market as a whole, perhaps it should consider targeting the legal profession once again as a healthy and growing addition to the current core markets of education and creative professionals. Heck, the way things are going, Apple's lawsuits alone will probably be responsible for a 5-7% growth spurt in the lawyer head count over the next few years; why not recoup some of those legal fees by selling them all Macs?