It's official: Steve Jobs has a heart, and contrary to popular opinion it's not two sizes too small. That news may come as a surprise to the legions of ex-Apple employees whom Jobs has driven to tears, drink, or the brink of suicide, but hey, that's just business. When it comes to the stuff that really matters in life, apparently Steve's just a big ol' softie. But you don't have to take our word for it-- the Make-A-Wish Foundation has photographic proof.

You know about the Make-A-Wish folks, right? They're the people who grant wishes to kids who have life-threatening illnesses. Well, as it turns out, one such kid named Jason just happens to be a Mac fanatic, and his ultimate wish was to meet Steve Jobs; faithful viewer Mister T. pities the fool who doesn't check out the story of how Jason got to meet his idol.

Not only did Steve take time to sit down with Jason personally to chew the fat about computers and more, but he also "passed on a phone call and a conference call" to avoid interrupting his "prolonged meeting" with his new buddy. Okay, so maybe a few of the more soulless shareholders might be peeved that Apple's CEO is bailing on important phone calls just to talk to "some kid," but we consider it proof positive that the man has heart. Heck, he could have just hired Noah Wyle to come in and play the part, but he took care of it personally. And what's more, Jason even got to see "some amazing prototypes" during his visit. A fireside chat with Steve and a tour of Apple's top secret development labs? Now that's a wish done up right.

Now, we know some of you probably decided long ago that you'd give your right arm-- literally-- to meet Steve up close and personal, but before you go and do something drastic with a chainsaw, we'd like to refer you to the foundation's eligibility requirements. For one thing, you have to be under 18 years of age, and for another, we strongly suspect that self-inflicted life-threatening diseases and injuries are far less likely to make it past the review board. So quit trying to work the angles and scam an afternoon with His Royal Mercurialness, and just take this touching tale as evidence that warmth and compassion aren't unheard of among those of Steve's alien race.

Everybody should rush right out and buy Bill Gates a thank-you card, because he's been hard at work figuring out just what will be the perfect personal computer for you to buy in the future. But when you go card-shopping, feel free to skimp; we see no reason that you should care enough to send the very best, since Bill's perfect future PC has an awful lot in common with the Macs that have been coming out of Cupertino lately. In fact, what the heck: go whole-hog, buy a Hallmark, and send it to Steve, instead-- because once again, Apple appears to be way ahead of the Wintel curve.

As faithful viewer Carlos Santellanes kindly pointed out, a ZDNet AnchorDesk report has all the details about Bill's perfect PC. Granted, some of the listed features are ones we'd love to see come to the Mac platform, too, like a minimum of 128 MB of RAM, a boot time of under 30 seconds, a minimum of four USB ports, and a built-in TV tuner. But others should sound shockingly familiar to anyone who's been following Apple's product lines for the past couple of years:

• "A quiet PC, never more than 37 decibels, so the machine is welcome in kitchen, bedroom, and living room"

• "The system must not display any BIOS text during start-up"

• "Laptop battery life must support playing a feature-length DVD or three hours of typical application use"

• "The system includes at least two... IEEE-1394 FireWire ports for high-speed devices"

• "The system includes a 10/100 Ethernet adapter"

• "The system does not allow end-user access to expansion bus cards" (iMac, anyone?)

So let's get this straight-- Bill's perfect "PC of the Future" is a "hub for digital devices" that boasts at least 128 MB of RAM, a 40 GB hard drive, and a minimum of 10/100 Ethernet; relies entirely on USB and FireWire for device connectivity; uses a minimum 1024x768 flat-panel display which "integrates USB... for an uncluttered desktop"; includes both CD-RW and DVD playback; is super-quiet and features an "ultra-small enclosure"; and de-emphasizes user-installed internal expansion cards. Moreover, Microsoft fully admits that "obviously, creating a system that meets all these specs will come at significant cost."

Sounds to us like some enterprising Apple dealer should give Bill a call and sell him a boatload of Cubes and 15-inch flat-panel Apple Studio Displays. Actually, what the heck, Bill's rich-- sell him some Cinema Displays instead. And if the "CD-RW and DVD" is a deal-breaker, maybe he'd be willing to give up his super-quiet operation and ultra-small enclosure for a SuperDrive-equipped Power Mac, instead. In any case, it looks to us like Bill would be far happier with one of today's Macs than most of the Wintel boxes out there... Then again, let's be honest-- who wouldn't?

If the shameless flaunting of vast stores of personal wealth offends your sensibilities, look away now, because the world's second-richest man is building the world's second-richest house. Well, okay, we don't really know how the house compares to other domiciles built by people with far too much money on their hands, but we do know this: Larry Ellison (CEO of Oracle, member of Apple's board of directors, and Steve Jobs's bestest buddy) has started construction of his "dream home" in Woodside, California, and there's no way it's ever going to qualify as a "humble abode."

According to an Associated Press story forwarded to us by faithful viewer Adam J. Bezark, Larry's happenin' new pad will be "a Japanese-styled villa with man-made ponds, waterfalls and teahouse, and a moon pavilion." This impressive monument to excess is currently being built on "23 acres" of Ellison's land, and requires "moving 81,000 cubic yards of earth" and "importing more than 500 mature trees and 3750 tons of hand-chiseled Chinese granite." (3750 tons? Man, we'd hate to see the FedEx bill on that delivery.) Woodside's planning director, David Rizk, is a master of understatement as he calls Ellison's Kane-esque Xanadu "unique in magnitude, materials and architectural design."

So how does Larry's retro exercise in obscene dotcom-era spending compare to the infamous mansion of Bill Gates? Well, sorry, Larry, but Bill's still got you beat by a country mile-- or something like that. Larry may be sinking over $80 million into his ornate new digs, but Bill's pad is "more than 48,000 square feet," evidently a heftier spread than Larry's modest hovel. What's more, Bill's place is still "being expanded"; evidently the man discovered just how cramped 48,000 square feet can feel once you add a pool table to the basement.

We'd like to think that even if Steve Jobs succeeds in his plans for world domination, he'd still have the taste to refrain from such garish displays of wealth and power, but who knows? Perhaps in ten years Steve will buy the Coliseum, have it shipped to Cupertino next-day air, and command two thousand enslaved ex-Microserfs to restore it to a glory befitting Emperor Stevius's divine presence. But we bet he still wouldn't build a moon pavilion.