A Christmas miracle! It's a new year, and Michael Murdock, a 36-year-old Bay Area computer consultant with no previous CEO experience, is Apple's new Chief Executive Officer. After months of emailing and calling Steve Jobs and Larry Ellison offering to take the job, on a couple of days before Christmas he received email messages from both Larry and Steve asking him when he could start. The end-of-year CEO expectation has come after all!

...And if you believe that, you either had one too many "festive beverages" at your New Year's Eve party, or you're as naïve as this Murdock character apparently is. The San Francisco Chronicle reports the obvious-- that the job offer was just a practical joke (or rather, Steve 'n' Larry's frustrated sarcastic reaction to a guy who just wouldn't leave them alone). Of course, you have to wonder about the wisdom of sending even a joking response to someone whose repeated contact attempts border on stalking. When Murdock accepted the "job offer" and said that he would start on January 5th, Steve's reply was, "Please do not come to Apple. You will be asked to leave, and if you don't, you will be arrested."

Now, hang on, Steve... here's a guy who actually wants the job. That already makes him more qualified than any of the other "candidates." Plus, he's shown that he's gullible and trusting, so he may be the perfect "puppet CEO" with Steve 'n' Larry pulling the strings. Lastly, just because he has no experience is no reason to rule him out-- after all, it's not like the stock price could go much lower. We say, throw caution to the wind and give Murdock the job. How much worse could things really get?

(For the irony-impaired, no, we're not serious. Mostly.)

Just a few days before MacWorld Expo commences, Business Wire reports the lineup of the much-anticipated keynote addresses. As Apple Recon, in all their omniscient glory, reported weeks ago, there will be several keynotes with multiple speakers. Apple's apparently shooting for a Circus of the Stars kind of atmosphere this year.

The first keynote will be given by Steve Jobs himself, Resplendent in all his Magnificent Mercuriality. No surprise there. The second keynote will be delivered by noted graphics tool innovator (and shunner of Macintosh Human Interface Guidelines) Kai Krause of HSC MetaTools Metacreations, who will discuss the confluence of computers, the web, and television. Cool. But the third and final keynote is the real surprise. It's called "AppleMasters, Forward-Thinkers and World-Changers," and it will feature a slew of celebrities who use Macs. Who's in the lineup? Muhammad Ali, Gregory Hines (whom we saw buying a hot dog at MacWorld Expo Boston a few years back! Brush with Greatness!), Douglas Adams, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Donald Glaser, and more. Zounds!

Despite how much we like the AppleMasters program, we think we smell smoke-- and mirrors. What better way to distract the crowd from a serious lack of substantive new announcements than to throw a bunch of celebrities on stage? Not that we're complaining. Or at least, we wouldn't be, if we could be there to witness the Parade of Stars ourselves. Chalk it up to bitterness. ;-) Anyone want to get us Douglas Adams' autograph?

A scant few months after the end of the original Clone Wars, which concluded with Power Computing selling its Mac OS license back to Apple and then slowly fading into irrelevance, we're now seeing the beginnings of Clone Wars 2: The Cloners Strike Back. And no, Power Computing isn't back from the dead, and Joel Kocher isn't leading the charge. This time, it's PowerTools and Victor Wong who are fighting for their right to clone. Their weapons? Legal action and public outcry.

You've already heard about how PowerTools is suing Apple and UMAX for conspiring to stop delivering them cerfified Mac clone parts, thus making it impossible for PowerTools to operate. But unless you've visited PowerTools' web site, you haven't gotten the huge surge of déjà vu from seeing their banner graphic. The "We Were Different" parody smacks of the sort of marketing tactics once brandished by the now-vanquished Power Computing. Can it work better for PowerTools?

While a picture is worth 832 words (inflation!), those of you who want to get to the guts of the matter can also find copies of the federal complaint and the state petition on the PowerTools site. Brace yourselves-- it's going to be a bumpy ride.