Let's say, just for a second, that you're such an incurable skeptic that you don't actually believe ZDNet when it indicates that LCD-based iMacs have been shipping since February. In that case, you're probably wondering just when Apple will ship a dramatically redesigned consumer desktop system, since the current model unveiled at the last Macworld Expo is simply more of the same ol' space egg. Well, we had originally been hearing that September was the most likely time frame, especially since both Seybold and the Apple Expo take place at the end of the month. Now, however, we've got our doubts.

Basically, "it's the economy, stupid!" At least, that's what one camp of Apple prognosticators feels is the primary reason we still haven't seen a flat-panel iMac yet. Apple may in fact be done with its design, but the market is so bad right now, consumers are far more likely to be buying generic dog food for their children than spiffy new computer systems. Given that harsh reality, if Apple were to release the allegedly-ready new iMac too soon, sales would be less than stellar, Apple would rack up a second failure à la the Cube, Wall Street would claim it was the beginning of the end for Apple, the company's stock would plummet, Steve would resign and head back to his home planet in disgust, and thousands of Mac fans would stick their heads in their ovens. So we can understand the desire to hold off until the market is a little more ready.

So what's the consensus ETA among those in the "Apple's just biding its time" camp? Faithful viewer The M@d Hatter points out that a reader over at Mac OS Rumors claims that an Apple Education sales rep flat-out told him that LCD-based iMacs will be available "by January," but possibly even in time for the holiday shopping season if the economy improves quickly enough to make such a move prudent. (The sales rep also allegedly indicated that Apple would be retaining at least one CRT-based iMac purely for the education market, where money is everything.)

On the other hand, if you're looking for further evidence that something really big is poised for launch in September, faithful viewer Ryan Schroeder notes that, while Seybold's web site still lists only a "special keynote - to be announced" in the first Tuesday slot, the insert he got in his latest issue of Macworld clearly states that the mystery guest is not Steve. Instead, sidekick Phil Schiller will be doing the honors, with Steve delivering a "live introduction via satellite." Via satellite from Paris, no doubt, which indicates that Steve handed the professional show over to Phil so he himself could keynote the consumer-oriented affair personally. Given that the other two announcements expected for September (a revised PowerBook G4 and Mac OS X 10.1) are fairly professional in nature, that may leave the door open for LCD iMacs at the Apple Expo after all. Predict how thou wilt.

Whoa, spooky! It's one thing when the media starts slapping the B-word on a computer manufacturer other than Apple, but it's a whole 'nother ball of wax when said computer manufacturer displays a number of other circumstances in common with the Apple of four or five years ago. And you know the universe is truly screwed up when the company with so much in common with Apple is-- you may want to sit down for this-- Gateway. Eeeeyyyyeeeeewwww!!!

Seriously, just take a gander at the very first sentence of this Associated Press article that was pointed out to us by faithful viewer Sandy: "Beleaguered computer maker Gateway Inc. is counting on an old hand to climb from the bottom of the sagging PC industry." Replace "Gateway" with "Apple" and maybe ditch the word "sagging," and it's like we're right back in 1997! Whereas Apple saw the return of cofounder Steve Jobs to bail out his company four years back, on the Gateway side, they're now witnessing the return of cofounder Ted Waitt-- "back at the helm as chief executive and would-be savior." It's sort of like a Bizarro World version of the Apple turnaround legend... only with, you know, a lot less style.

But wait, it gets better; Waitt is described as "the soul and visionary" of Gateway, which started to flounder after he left. At least he wasn't kicked out by a CEO he himself had hired. (Well, not as far as we know. The article says he was in "semi-retirement.") And how's Ted bringing Gateway back to profitability? Why, through "a series of cost-cutting and restructuring moves," of course. Not that there's anything unusual about that, but anyone who's lived through the elimination of the Newton and the controversial death of Mac cloning might still be feeling a slight twinge of déjà vu.

There are other little Jobsian touches, like Waitt immediately revoking fourteen "stupid policies" upon his return (Steve might call them "bozo policies," we suppose) and referring to his changes infusing the company with "a different philosophy." And don't forget how Gateway now "focuses strongly on the U.S. consumer market," has "no plans to go after big corporate accounts," and "won't diversify into the high-end corporate server market, where rivals already have a strong foothold." Why, it's like Apple and Gateway were separated at birth! How will we ever tell them apart? (Hint: look at Gateway's product line-up. Oh... right. Never mind.)

Don't forget, Dallas-area Mac fans: tomorrow marks the grand opening of the shiny new "Shops At Willow Bend" mall in Plano, Texas-- and of the Apple retail store contained therein. Apple has even posted a page devoted entirely to its third retail location, including lovely Aquaesque maps and full directions from multiple starting points. Given that they've gone to all this trouble to tell you how to get there, we assume you're all calling in sick to go wait in line for several hours, right? Right?

C'mon, true Mac fans are masters of waiting in lines-- anyone who's ever tried to get into a Macworld Expo keynote address knows that. And the really great thing is, waiting in line with a slew of like-minded Mac freaks is actually a fun experience; everyone's excited, enthusiastic, and eager to chat about the platform. We speak from years of experience at the Javits Center in New York, and we're assuming that the line-waiting dynamic at Apple store openings is potentially even more fun, because you're part of a mob of Mac fanatics who are essentially taking over an entire mall. If the AtAT staff lived within thirty miles of Plano, you can bet we'd be there.

Need even more encouragement? Well, okay; how about free promotional garments? Faithful viewer Tim Rivera noticed that if you load up the page for Apple in Willow Bend's online directory, under "Special Events," there's a "Grand Opening Special": in addition to "equipment and software demonstrations," the store will be giving out "free t-shirts for the first 1000 customers." So there's one more reason to go: the chance to put off doing your laundry for another day. Now go add your body to the biomass and show the rest of the mall what Apple freaks are made of.

On a side note, we're glad to hear that Apple hasn't developed some sort of distaste for t-shirts in general, because we were a little concerned after the Expo a couple of weeks ago. See, in past years, Apple has always thrown shirts out into the crowd during its booth demonstrations, and the AtAT staff makes it a point not to return to Boston without having snagged at least a couple of those choice chunks of apparel. This year, however, the shirts were nowhere to be seen. We blame the economy-- or just possibly a last-minute decision not to unveil the LCD iMac, whose image adorned the hundreds of shirts Apple was then forced to keep under wraps. (From our perspective, it's just as well; it's not like we weren't already lugging around enough of our own shirts, after all...)