Man, we sure hope that all those Mac fans who lined up for the grand opening of the Dallas-area Apple retail store wore their galoshes, because it sounds like things might be a little soggy and hard to light. As noted by faithful viewer David Poller, Think Secret is reporting that the Plano boutique suffered "substantial damage" last Monday night when it started raining indoors. Was it a bizarre meteorological anomaly sent forth by a higher power to punish Apple for daring to construct a retail heaven on earth? We doubt it-- we don't recall any biblical reference to a Plague of Sprinkler Malfunction, but we suppose anything's possible.

Yup, what we're talking about is a flood that ensued when a routine fire sprinkler test evidently went horribly, horribly wrong. The kicker is that the malfunction didn't even happen in Apple's store, but rather in the BCBG Max Azria upstairs; it seems that a sprinkler head was "mistakenly left off" in that store, so when the mall filled the pipes during testing, BCBG flooded with "four inches of standing water" that quickly embraced the law of gravity. Apple store damage report? "Serious damage to much of the already-stocked store inventory and other electronic equipment," and "major damage" to the "imported tile ceiling and hardwood floors." We imagine Steve shed a single tear for the senseless destruction of tasteful decor when he heard the news.

The good news is that Apple planned to clean things up as best it could in order to stick to its planned grand opening. Since the flood happened on Monday and as of yesterday Apple's web site was still listing a Friday launch date, we figure the store did in fact open today as planned-- in fact, we know it did, because faithful viewers Stiv and Don were kind enough to send us an iCard from the store itself. (Hi, guys!) So the festivities are progressing as planned, and here's hoping those 1,000 free t-shirts didn't get soaked or used as emergency absorbency units to sop up the water. If you go to the grand opening and your free shirt is still dripping, just consider it "the Aqua look."

Now, about that sprinkler head that was "mistakenly left off," thus causing all this damage and consternation: we realize that the more paranoid viewers out there are going to leap right on that little detail and start weaving elaborate theories of sabotage, but we're here to put your minds at ease. More likely than not, the sprinkler head wasn't "left off" at all; we're guessing that's just Apple's cover story. Faithful viewer Matt Smith reminds us that Apple suffered a similar "sprinkler malfunction" just prior to the Apple Expo last September, and back then, we, too, were building sabotage theories, but we're better-informed these days.

Simply put, one of the drawbacks of highly-concentrated Reality Distortion Field energy is that it can occasionally set off fire-safety sprinkler systems. It's just one of life's little trade-offs; bend lesser beings to your will with the sheer power of thought, but live in constant fear of sudden indoor downpours. Why do you think Steve refuses to speak in conference halls with low ceilings?

Wheeeee, the rumored Adobe-Apple rift is kicking up more contradictory whispers than any subject since the mystery "Columbus" project of 1998! Depending on whom you believe, Adobe is either a huge Mac OS X supporter with vast resources committed to Carbonizing all of its apps and attending Mac trade shows, or it's so miffed at Apple for allegedly planning to horn in on the image-editing software business that it's just about ready to abandon the Mac platform altogether. Finally, an equal-opportunity rumor subject: there's something here for everyone!

Get this: various shadowy sources are now claiming that our random musings about Apple possibly planning to release both consumer and professional versions of its rumored "iPhoto" software (you know, kinda like iMovie and Final Cut Pro) are dead on the money, and Adobe is currently less than thrilled with going head-to-head against Apple in a market traditionally owned by Photoshop. What's more, we've actually heard several times-- and in no uncertain terms-- that the New York no-show was a precedent-setter: Adobe is henceforth swearing off Mac-centric trade shows altogether, in favor of focusing its show-going dollars on the Wintel market, where perhaps it thinks it's less likely to get stabbed in the back, product-wise. (At least until Microsoft bundles-- er, integrates-- "Graphics XP" with Windows, that is.)

Note that we're not saying that you should actually believe either of those rumors (or even that we do), since at least the bit about Adobe passing on Mac trade shows flies in the face of established fact. Earlier in the week, MacCentral quoted an Adobe representative who confirmed that the company would have a booth at next month's Apple Expo and who plainly stated that "Macworld San Francisco continues to be one of our larger trade shows in terms of participation, our exhibits and our dollars." Meanwhile, we've heard from people who claim that internal Adobe documents refer to a Carbonized Photoshop release in the first half of 2002 as a high-priority target, and faithful viewer David Triska reminds us that RAILhead Design has August 1st details of "another test build of [Adobe's] Carbon version of Photoshop" that was reportedly just seeded to testers. The company may even be considering releasing public betas sometime in the next few months.

The joy of this situation is that you get to believe whatever you like; in our book, though, the reality of the situation probably isn't terribly dramatic The alleged iPhoto feud is terrific fodder for a soap opera like our little show, here, but when was the last time you saw anything on a soap opera that actually resembled reality? (Apart from Madame Zola's Expo predictions, that is.) While we don't doubt that there might be a little tension between the two companies over product demarcation, we do expect Adobe to exhibit at future Macworld Expos, and we do expect to be shelling out for a Mac OS X-native version of Photoshop sometime before the next arrival of Halley's Comet. But then, we're notoriously naïve. It's part of our unique charm.

Here's the announcement that all you "Apple handheld" rumorhounds have been waiting for: the Newton is back! That's right, people, Apple apparently finally decided to jump feet-first back into the PDA game by reviving the product it killed three years ago. It seems that this latest iteration of Newton technology features all the standard applications that you've come to expect in a handheld organizer-- "phone, address and memo books, scheduler, calculator, to-do lists, expense manager-- even an alarm clock!" But that's not all; it's also Microsoft Outlook-compatible, has a "high-tech design," and even comes with "an easy to use stylus"! Somebody pinch us, we're dreaming!

Hmmm... you know, on second thought, now that we look at this thing, we're not convinced it's actually a Newton at all. When faithful viewer Michael Grey forwarded us a link to the Royal Touchpad Organizer, we just naturally assumed that it was a redesigned Newton with a new product name. It's an honest mistake, after all; just look at the logo on this thing's power button. Doesn't it seem somehow familiar? Still, we suppose we should have been tipped off earlier by this thing's $39.99 price tag and its "huge 384K memory"-- not to mention the fact that its design is ugly enough to frighten small children.

You have to admit, though-- that logo bears more than a passing resemblance to the Newton's distinctive little light-bulb glyph. You can bet that if Apple were still cranking out MessagePads these days, the company's lawyers would be all over these "Royal" guys like ants on a picnic cheese log. Say, we've got a great idea! Forget all the talk about an Apple-branded Palm OS device; Apple needs to sign a licensing agreement to get its mitts on this little gem. It's already got a Newton logo on it, after all, so adding an Apple logo is a perfectly logical next step. One quick rebranding later, and bickety-bam-- instant $40 Apple PDA! What more could you possibly want? (Apart from a handheld that doesn't suck, we mean.)