Man, we sure hope that all those Mac fans who lined up for the grand opening of the Dallas-area Apple retail store wore their galoshes, because it sounds like things might be a little soggy and hard to light. As noted by faithful viewer David Poller, Think Secret is reporting that the Plano boutique suffered "substantial damage" last Monday night when it started raining indoors. Was it a bizarre meteorological anomaly sent forth by a higher power to punish Apple for daring to construct a retail heaven on earth? We doubt it-- we don't recall any biblical reference to a Plague of Sprinkler Malfunction, but we suppose anything's possible.

Yup, what we're talking about is a flood that ensued when a routine fire sprinkler test evidently went horribly, horribly wrong. The kicker is that the malfunction didn't even happen in Apple's store, but rather in the BCBG Max Azria upstairs; it seems that a sprinkler head was "mistakenly left off" in that store, so when the mall filled the pipes during testing, BCBG flooded with "four inches of standing water" that quickly embraced the law of gravity. Apple store damage report? "Serious damage to much of the already-stocked store inventory and other electronic equipment," and "major damage" to the "imported tile ceiling and hardwood floors." We imagine Steve shed a single tear for the senseless destruction of tasteful decor when he heard the news.

The good news is that Apple planned to clean things up as best it could in order to stick to its planned grand opening. Since the flood happened on Monday and as of yesterday Apple's web site was still listing a Friday launch date, we figure the store did in fact open today as planned-- in fact, we know it did, because faithful viewers Stiv and Don were kind enough to send us an iCard from the store itself. (Hi, guys!) So the festivities are progressing as planned, and here's hoping those 1,000 free t-shirts didn't get soaked or used as emergency absorbency units to sop up the water. If you go to the grand opening and your free shirt is still dripping, just consider it "the Aqua look."

Now, about that sprinkler head that was "mistakenly left off," thus causing all this damage and consternation: we realize that the more paranoid viewers out there are going to leap right on that little detail and start weaving elaborate theories of sabotage, but we're here to put your minds at ease. More likely than not, the sprinkler head wasn't "left off" at all; we're guessing that's just Apple's cover story. Faithful viewer Matt Smith reminds us that Apple suffered a similar "sprinkler malfunction" just prior to the Apple Expo last September, and back then, we, too, were building sabotage theories, but we're better-informed these days.

Simply put, one of the drawbacks of highly-concentrated Reality Distortion Field energy is that it can occasionally set off fire-safety sprinkler systems. It's just one of life's little trade-offs; bend lesser beings to your will with the sheer power of thought, but live in constant fear of sudden indoor downpours. Why do you think Steve refuses to speak in conference halls with low ceilings?