Newton Reborn... Sort Of (8/3/01)
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Here's the announcement that all you "Apple handheld" rumorhounds have been waiting for: the Newton is back! That's right, people, Apple apparently finally decided to jump feet-first back into the PDA game by reviving the product it killed three years ago. It seems that this latest iteration of Newton technology features all the standard applications that you've come to expect in a handheld organizer-- "phone, address and memo books, scheduler, calculator, to-do lists, expense manager-- even an alarm clock!" But that's not all; it's also Microsoft Outlook-compatible, has a "high-tech design," and even comes with "an easy to use stylus"! Somebody pinch us, we're dreaming!

Hmmm... you know, on second thought, now that we look at this thing, we're not convinced it's actually a Newton at all. When faithful viewer Michael Grey forwarded us a link to the Royal Touchpad Organizer, we just naturally assumed that it was a redesigned Newton with a new product name. It's an honest mistake, after all; just look at the logo on this thing's power button. Doesn't it seem somehow familiar? Still, we suppose we should have been tipped off earlier by this thing's $39.99 price tag and its "huge 384K memory"-- not to mention the fact that its design is ugly enough to frighten small children.

You have to admit, though-- that logo bears more than a passing resemblance to the Newton's distinctive little light-bulb glyph. You can bet that if Apple were still cranking out MessagePads these days, the company's lawyers would be all over these "Royal" guys like ants on a picnic cheese log. Say, we've got a great idea! Forget all the talk about an Apple-branded Palm OS device; Apple needs to sign a licensing agreement to get its mitts on this little gem. It's already got a Newton logo on it, after all, so adding an Apple logo is a perfectly logical next step. One quick rebranding later, and bickety-bam-- instant $40 Apple PDA! What more could you possibly want? (Apart from a handheld that doesn't suck, we mean.)

 
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The above scene was taken from the 8/3/01 episode:

August 3, 2001: Apple's third retail store opens its doors, despite a catastrophic (and suspicious) flood earlier in the week. Meanwhile, rumors about Adobe's commitment to the Mac market are all over the map, and if the Royal Touchpad Organizer is the Newton reborn, then it must have done something really bad in a past life...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3218: Wringing Out The iMacs (8/3/01)   Man, we sure hope that all those Mac fans who lined up for the grand opening of the Dallas-area Apple retail store wore their galoshes, because it sounds like things might be a little soggy and hard to light...

  • 3219: The Two Faces Of Adobe (8/3/01)   Wheeeee, the rumored Adobe-Apple rift is kicking up more contradictory whispers than any subject since the mystery "Columbus" project of 1998! Depending on whom you believe, Adobe is either a huge Mac OS X supporter with vast resources committed to Carbonizing all of its apps and attending Mac trade shows, or it's so miffed at Apple for allegedly planning to horn in on the image-editing software business that it's just about ready to abandon the Mac platform altogether...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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