Funny thing; yesterday we were all set to tell you folks about Microsoft's upcoming Mac OS X-native version of Office, new details of which had just been made available. We had planned to link to CNET's article about how Office v.X for Mac is slated for a November release, as well as to MacCentral's coverage, which is chock full of feature descriptions and nifty screenshots. We were even prepared to admit somewhat grudgingly that Microsoft's Mac Business Unit had apparently done a pretty kick-butt job of crafting a suite of true Mac OS X applications that really let the operating system's special qualities shine through. After all, we here at AtAT may not be particularly interested in picking it up, but we're well aware that thousands of others may be waiting to switch to Mac OS X until Office is available, seeing as it's quite simply the finest suite of office applications produced by a convicted monopoly abuser, period.

However, as it turned out, we couldn't tell you any of that stuff. Instead, yesterday we had to broadcast a truncated episode that was utterly free of any Office-related content whatsoever, because we had to spend so much time in our non-AtAT capacities dealing with the fallout of this Nimda worm that's making the rounds. You know the one-- Nimda's the latest fast-spreading virus to come down the pike which does its thing by exploiting all those wonderful security holes that are so liberally peppered throughout Microsoft's sieve-like non-Mac products. Now ain't that a kick in the head? Who says irony is dead?

Yes, Katie may be a Mac fan, but in her non-minutiae-goddess day job role, she's sadly forced to use Wintels like so many others-- except that yesterday, her entire firm was offline for a whole day while the IT staff attempted to deal with a massive Nimda infection. Meanwhile, Jack got to watch a Mac web server handily deflect any and all incoming attempts to infect it, but the sheer volume of worm probes made for a fairly effective denial of service attack in its own right, which had to be dealt with. The result? Less time for AtAT, and a shorter broadcast.

As for Nimda itself, it's actually a pretty clever little beast. If you're using Windows and Internet Explorer, you can actually catch it simply by browsing any page on an infected server (unless you've turned off Javascript). It also spreads via the now-classic "emailing itself via Outlook to random people in the address book" trick, but Wired reports that, thanks to the wondrous bounty and variety of Microsoftian security holes, email messages containing Nimda often "do not have a visible attachment." Instead, users can be infected even by clicking on the message's subject line to delete it. (Clicking the subject line causes the message to be shown in Outlook's preview panel, the embedded script launches, and bickety-bam-- chalk up one more infected Wintel box. Neat-o!)

Incidentally, those of you feeling left out because Nimda is just the latest in a long line of catastrophic Windows-based viruses (Melissa, ILOVEYOU, Code Red, etc.) that don't infect Macs, hang in there; we're sure our day will come soon enough. Heck, just to take this full-circle, Entourage X (the email client in the upcoming version of Office) now "includes the ability to insert rich content, such as movies or photos, into the body of email messages," which, granted, isn't exactly a scathing indictment of the product's security lapses, but it does hint that maybe Entourage is leaning towards acting more like the Windows version of Outlook. With any luck, that will eventually extend to things like auto-executing embedded scripts, and we Mac users will get to join in all this virusy fun. We can but hope. There's a pretty good precedent, after all-- remember when pretty much the only active viruses plaguing the Mac platform were cross-platform Office macro viruses?

Boy, it's a good thing our ill-conceived "no more making fun of Mike Dell" New Year's resolution went straight out the window, because otherwise we'd be in a bit of a bind right about now. On the one hand, we find ourselves wanting to offer a partial retraction for all that stuff we said about Dell's new Dimension 8200 being a rip-off of Apple's current Power Mac G4, enclosure-wise. Yes, it's true that Dell is touting the "midnight-gray" 8200's "bold new chassis design" that "opens like a clamshell and without tools." But after seeing how the Mac opens and how Dell's does, we find Dell's implementation so alarmingly brain-damaged, if it is an attempt to copy Apple's design, the company clearly deserves our pity, not our ire. Because Mike Dell obviously couldn't accurately copy his own kiester with a Xerox machine.

On the other hand, despite the witlessly poor execution, it's blindingly obvious that Dell is trying to play catch-up. Take, for example, the company's latest foray into the unfamiliar waters of notebook innovation: faithful viewer Ronnie Colvin pointed out a CNET article which reports that Dell is "working on a tiny new notebook with the mettle of a full-size machine." Yes, Dell is hard at work trying to squeeze a no-compromises, fully-featured system into a teensy little laptop that's "a hair over 1-inch thick," features a "12-inch display," and includes "integrated wireless networking." Sound familiar?

Evidently Mike Dell took it personally when, at the iBook's unveiling last Spring, Steve held Apple's svelte new consumer portable next to Dell's boat anchor of an also-ran. But note that Dell is finally taking a little initiative here, and is actually going for the leapfrog instead of the mere catch-up. Reportedly this amazing new "ultra-portable" system will have all the features of our buddy the iBook (with the possible exception of being able to run an operating system that doesn't suck), but will somehow beat it by about a pound and a half on weight; whereas the iBook is a 4.9-pound bundle of power, Dell's deal is supposedly a mere slip of a thing, weighing in at a Twiggyesque 3.5 pounds. (Geez, eat a sandwich!)

Note that the article implies (but does not state explicitly) that this mystery portable will include an internal optical drive of some sort, which, if true, would actually make its 3.5-pound weight pretty darn impressive. Of course, you'll pay for that portability; whereas the iBook starts at $1299 and is a consumer-targeted device, Dell's new toy is seemingly targeted more at the executive set; the base configuration is expected to cost "about $2200," so its lack of weight is less about making it easier for kids to carry and more about pampering business travelers who find that carrying a laptop heavier than four pounds ruins the line of their suits. Still, if Dell manages to pull it off (before Apple ships a three-pound PowerBook, that is), we'll give the company the credit it deserves. C'mon; we're all about fairness!

You know we hate to burst your collective bubble, kiddies, but those of you who have been hanging your hopes for the Mac platform on those alleged PowerPC G5 specs that surfaced a few days back might be in for a nasty little wake-up call. To recap, The Register was bringing grins to the faces of children all over the world with its talk of 1.6 GHz G5s possibly showing up in shipping Macs as early as this coming January or February... and thus did said smiling children drop off to sleep with visions of 64-bit processors dancing in their heads. Sadly, they may well be snoozing off a pipe dream.

Faithful viewer Mark K. Ehlert points out that Shane Anderson of the MacEvangeList just posted a very interesting (though disappointing) little factoid to that time-honored mailing list. With little regard for the fragile dreams of overoptimistic Mac lovers everywhere, he reports that when confronted with The Register's G5 specs (which allegedly came from "sources said to be close to Apple"), a Motorola executive responded with "rolling fits of laughter in between pauses of bull***." Now, unless that Motorola exec just happens to be an actual bull with digestive issues, we're not exactly sure how to parse the second bit of that quote, but it doesn't exactly sound like a ringing vote of confidence to us.

Granted, we're not exactly sure why we should believe "a Motorola executive" any more than "sources said to be close to Apple," because neither sounds like much in the way of unimpeachable, verifiable sources of information. In fact, we're probably a better source than either of those nameless shadowy entities, because at least you know who we are. All we can tell you, however, is what we've heard from the cousin of a Motorola executive's hairdresser said to be close to Apple's head custodian's roommate: when the G5 finally ships in a mere three weeks' time, it'll grant its user the ability to make other people's heads explode with the sheer power of thought. Yes, just like in Scanners. See, now you really want one!