TV-PGOctober 29, 2001: About the iPod-- it turns out you have to use it to appreciate its finer points. Meanwhile, demand for the music player seems "iffy," and Apple employees aren't getting raises or bonuses, but at least they can score some iPods for a great price...
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 
And It's All Shiny, Too (10/29/01)
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Okay, no more fence-sitting from us... at least, not as far as the iPod is concerned. We're still going back and forth on lesser issues, like whether moral absolutes exist in a universal sense, or whether the advent of non-strawberry-flavored Twizzlers is a major contributing factor to the breakdown of society. But on the iPod front, our minds are made up: as far as we're concerned, it's heart-stoppingly cool, it's absolutely worth every penny of its controversial $399 price tag, and we want one. Badly.

How did we progress from our original lukewarm reaction to a state of unadulterated iPod worship? Well, chewing through Apple's posted info contributed a bit, since it soon became apparent that the iPod is more than the sum of its parts. Reading the reviews/previews of those who had actually been present at the big unveiling fanned the flames as well, since we noticed that while there were plenty of people badmouthing the iPod, few if any of those people had actually yet seen one; it seemed that the folks who had physically held one were unanimously in love with it. But the real turning point was finally getting to see one up close and personal-- and getting to use it, however briefly.

See, you may not have heard yet, but every Apple retail store now has an iPod (and we really mean "an iPod"-- as in, one) purely for demo purposes. Some of the staff at the Westfarms Mall on Saturday were so paranoid they wouldn't let go of the thing, but after our limited exposure to the device, we decided that they were right to be so protective-- we ourselves almost made a grab for it and ran. If you're down on the iPod, we recommend that you reserve final judgment until you've tried one yourself.

For one thing, it's smaller than it looks. For another, it's also lighter than it looks. You can read "2.43 by 4.02 by 0.78 inches" and "6.5 ounces" umpteen times, but until you hold an iPod in your hands, you may not grasp just how little this thing really is. For a few glorious seconds, we got to take its interface for a spin-- and we do mean "spin." The scroll wheel is like butter: precise at slow speeds, but with such a balanced acceleration that navigating a list of 800 songs is quick and astonishingly easy. We were surprised at how quickly we could zip between menu options in the column-view interface without overshooting our targets. The scroll wheel makes a task as simple as adjusting the volume a real joy.

Here's the thing-- we didn't even get to listen to the iPod, but even thirty seconds of just holding it was enough to sell us completely. Do you remember the first time you used a Macintosh? The odds are good that, like many Mac people, it was love at first test-drive; the intuitiveness, the elegance, the attention to detail all alighted on your brain in some harmonious way and you were forever changed, because never again could you use a Wintel system without seeing all its warts. Well, after our Brush With iPodness, we poked around at the five other MP3 devices on display at the Apple store... and it was sort of like having to use Windows.

Of course, none of this changes the fact that Apple is still charging $399 for a portable music player in a sluggish economy, so the product may well flop, but them's the risks of greatness. We figure Apple needs to send a couple of iPod-carrying store employees out into the mall to accost rich-looking people in the food court or something; give 'em a taste and then lead 'em back to the store for the sale, because to use it is to love it. Gee, we can hardly wait to get to listen to one someday.

 
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Strong Demand, Or Not (10/29/01)
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So, uh, just how is demand for the iPod? On the one hand, most pundits agree that it's the best MP3 player ever; on the other hand, it costs a whopping $399, which is a fair price for what you get, but may still be too rich for most Mac users' blood. Six days after its unveiling, we keep hearing the phrase that no doubt will be chiseled into Steve Jobs's tombstone someday: "It's amazing, incredible, and insanely great-- but I can't afford it." We're praying that this doesn't turn out to be a repeat of the Great Cube Fiasco (lots of buzz, lots of awards, no sales), but we'd be lying if we said we weren't a little worried.

A CNET article refers to the iPod's retail demand as "iffy," which doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Of course, demand is sort of hard to gauge when the product hasn't shipped-- and most retailers aren't even taking preorders yet. In lieu of hard numbers, then, CNET decided to go with the next best thing: the aptly-named "Sowhaddayathink?" method. One Apple specialist in New Hampshire indicates that "at $400, some people seem a little hesitant, but it looks like a great product." Mmm-hm. Meanwhile, CompUSA isn't taking preorders chain-wide, though "some local stores" are taking their own orders, and Circuit City hasn't even decided whether or not it's going to carry the iPod at all yet. And Apple, who is taking preorders? It "doesn't have any information about how strong demand is."

Well, that was informative. At least Micro Warehouse is reporting "higher than expected" demand for the iPod, which is a little encouraging. Apparently it's a little early to be obsessing about demand, though. We're hoping for a domino effect, ourselves... the iPod is cool enough that the "early adopters" might drive traffic to the Apple stores simply by using the things in public. Heck, as faithful viewer webstra points out, in his Newsweek article, Steven Levy reports that he even managed to hook Bill Gates, who referred to Levy's iPod as "a great product" and expressed dismay that "it's only for Macintosh." Hmmmm... Sounds like Bill's going to be trading up to a Quicksilver come November 10th. See? This product sells itself-- provided people see it, that is.

By the way, that crack about Steve's tombstone? We didn't mean to imply that Steve is mortal, or anything. We just heard he likes tombstones and has been shopping around for a nice one to decorate his herb garden. Please don't panic.

 
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Ho Ho Ho, Half-Price iPods (10/29/01)
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It's just two days before Halloween, and you all know what that means, right? You got it: most stores have had their Christmas displays up for about three weeks now. With less than two months to go, the holiday is bearing down on us like a runaway freight train-- and frankly, we fear for the welfare of our favorite red letter day. If you're one of those freaks who thinks that Christmas is all about peace on earth and good will towards men, then by all means, prepare to roast those chestnuts and sing those happy little songs. The rest of us, however, realize that Christmas is all about loot, and with the economy in its current state, this coming holiday may wind up being one of the grinchiest in recent memory.

Hey, here's a good one for modern times: what do you call a computer-industry worker who expects to remain employed come December? Give up? An optimist. (Ba-dum ching.) By extension, any computer-industry worker expecting a raise or some sort of holiday bonus this year is flirting with the possibility of spending the holidays in a padded cell, sucking fruitcake through a straw. What we're trying to say (in our oh-so-subtle way) is that things are bad out there, people... and despite the constant reminders that it's our duty to capitalism to spend money like water in an effort to jump-start the economy, the odds are pretty good that there just aren't going to be as many presents under the tree this year.

This dire set of circumstances raises two vital questions that burn in the hearts of every sentient being populating the earth's crust: what fate shall befall those unsung heroes, the employees at Apple? And how the heck does the company expect to move a ton of holiday iPods in an economy in which most of the few remaining families with $399 in the bank are trying to decide between buying heating oil or a winter's supply of generic kibble for the young'uns?

But fear not, true believers, for Apple has both situations well in hand. First of all, Apple has remained relatively unscathed given the Layoff Fever that infected most of its industry brethren this past year; yes, there have been pink slips at the mothership, but certainly nothing like the thousands of cuts announced by just about every other major computer manufacturer out there. While the vast majority of Apple's staffers will remain gainfully employed through the holiday season, however, faithful viewer Lola Starr informs us that His Steveness has issued a royal decree that his loyal subjects will have to live without raises or profit-sharing bonuses this time around-- a blow, to be sure, but hardly surprising given the times in which we live.

So where's the holiday cheer? Well, folks, rumor has it that Apple employees are getting one little perk this year (in addition to keeping their jobs, we mean): reportedly the Stevester announced to staffers that as a token of the company's appreciation, employees are eligible to purchase iPods at the low, low price of 50% off. When all's said and done, of course, a half-price iPod in the Christmas stocking is loads better than either a sharp stick in the eye or a pink slip in the pay envelope, but we're still slightly surprised at the alleged cheers that arose from Apple's elves when Santa Jobs delivered the news. But maybe that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown...

 
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