TV-PGNovember 16, 2001: The latest evidence suggests that Apple may in fact be planning on four retail grand openings next Friday. Meanwhile, iTunes 2.0.2 quietly surfaces on Apple's servers, and a viewer uncovers evidence that a super-fast new iMac is just days away...
But First, A Word From Our Sponsors
 

Mash-ups and original music by AtAT's former Intern and Goddess-in-Training

Prim M at YouTube
 
They're All Over The Place (11/16/01)
SceneLink
 

Gee, did we just say there were three new Apple retail stores primed to open next Friday? Sorry, we should have said four. Well, actually, that's not entirely true, since we really haven't heard any reports (official or otherwise) that a fourth store will be going live on the 23rd, but sometime between yesterday and today, Apple added the Buffalo, NY Walden Galleria shop to the "Coming Soon" section on its newly-revamped list of retail locations; while no opening date is listed, we're pegging the all-important Day After Thanksgiving as a likely target.

Little birds who claim to be familiar with the Buffalo store's progress have been singing about its grand opening for months, now, but the date has been pushed forward so many times it's getting rug burns on its hinder. The last date we'd heard chirped around the compound was November 17th, though that's clearly not going to happen unless magic shoemaker elves get the store ready overnight. We therefore expect that next Friday is a reasonable guess, barring the advent of some major catastrophe like extensive flooding or a cobra infestation; however, we'd like to stress that this is a guess and only a guess-- albeit a reasonably educated one.

The way we see it, Apple obviously wants as many Apple stores open as possible throughout the full official holiday shopping season, which (by most counts) commences on the 23rd-- hence Apple's massive push to get three or four more stores launched on that day when its previous record for simultaneous grand openings was a mere two. If Apple is indeed planning on a quadruple-launch and it's successful, then there will be no fewer than twenty-one Apple stores with cash registers a-ringin' from Thanksgiving through Christmas. (Looks like that original goal of having twenty-five stores by the end of the year is well within reach.)

Of course, Apple likely has a secondary goal in attempting a four-way simultaneous grand opening; if the company can one day work its way up to five, ancient texts prophesy that the event will mark the day of the ascension of Apple's spiritual leader from "divine mortal" to full-on deity status (or, as the book puts it, "He Who Is Immense And Immortal, Master Of Destinies, Swallower of Planets, And The Guy With The Keys To The Minibar"). Sounds like Steve's playing for all the marbles. In the meantime, while four stores gets him Cosmic Zilch on the whole ascension tip, heck, at least they'll be selling stuff.

 
SceneLink (3400)
What's In That Package? (11/16/01)
SceneLink
 

Given what happened the last time Apple posted a new iTunes installer, we wouldn't be surprised if people were a little... shall we say, extra careful about downloading and installing new versions of that particular product. For those of you who missed all the fun, the original Mac OS X iTunes 2.0 installer contained a wonderfully entertaining bug that, in very specific circumstances, could turn data on additional mounted drive volumes into Swiss cheese. Apple pulled that problematic installer and replaced it with a safe one, but not before a slew of user data went bye-bye, causing the company's public relations people to reach for the Rolaids.

Well, if you're looking to climb right back on that horse, now's your chance. Apple has just posted iTunes 2.0.2, and to call the release of this update "quiet" is like calling Bill Gates "well to do." As far as we can tell, there was no actual announcement, and Apple's entire site is devoid of any mention of just what might be different in this new release-- it just sort of "showed up" on the iTunes download page. At broadcast time, both MacMinute and MacCentral were trying to ascertain what changes exist in 2.0.2. Nothing beats a mysterious documentation-lacking update to give you the heebie-jeebies, right? It's sort of the software equivalent of unattended baggage at the airport.

So the question before you is, will you leap in with your teeth bared and install iTunes 2.0.2, trusting that the "mystery change" in this point-release isn't that the installer now deletes half your files, posts your credit card info to Ain't It Cool News, cancels your cable service, kicks your dog, raids your fridge, throws a fork in your microwave on "high," and casts aspersions on your sexual prowess? Or will you cower in fear until the unknown is revealed?

Whoops, never mind-- unless you've plunged ahead and installed it already, you've officially opted for Choice B. MacFixit appears to have the skinny on what's new in iTunes 2.0.2: apparently this latest version adds a few localization options (including support for German and French) and fixes the relatively obscure Screen Saver bug that cropped up in 2.0 and 2.0.1. Pretty minor stuff-- and we've yet to hear a single report of anyone installing the latest version and subsequently suffering massive data loss or an atomic wedgie as a result, so we're going to assume that it's safe. So if you're the type who hyperventilates when any of your software is the slightest bit out of date, get happy.

 
SceneLink (3401)
Now THAT'S A New iMac (11/16/01)
SceneLink
 

Slow news day? Ha! Sure, to the untrained eye, things may seem a little quiet in the Mac world right about now, but that's because only a true professional can spot the subtle plot twists. While official Mac news sites are currently falling back on such yawnworthy tactics as regurgitating corporate press releases and noting every single new software update under the sun, our keen eye for drama brings you something far more engaging. Sell the rest of your seat, because you'll only need the edge of it when you hear about... the 6 GHz iMac!!

Skeptical? Oh, you may scoff now, but faithful viewer delynnb uncovered incontrovertible proof of this remarkable system's existence-- and the evidence is right on Apple's own web site! Keep the heart pills handy and feast your eyes, if you will, on this animated ad banner-- served from Apple's servers, remember-- which clearly refers to a 6000 MHz iMac. Clearly somebody at Apple goofed ATI-style and released details about an upcoming iMac a little bit too early. We imagine Steve's wrath will be terrible, so if you hear reports of a minor earthquake with an epicenter in Cupertino, you'll know when the offending employee has been "disciplined."

Naysayers will try to feed you a load of hooey about "typos" and other wildly improbable explanations, but take our word for it: this is a simple case of accidental pre-release data leak. We're guessing that a formal announcement of the 6 GHz iMac is coming any day now. In the meantime, Apple may want to consider tightening up its security; just yesterday morning, its new Retail page also let slip the confidential fact that the state of Illinois is about to change its name to "Illinios." The page has since been altered to remove all references to the new spelling of the state's name, but trust us, Illiniosians-- you heard it here first.

 
SceneLink (3402)
← Previous Episode
Next Episode →
Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(1239 votes)

Like K-pop, but only know the popular stuff? Expand your horizons! Prim M recommends underrated K-pop tunes based on YOUR taste!

Prim M's Playlist

DISCLAIMER: AtAT was not a news site any more than Inside Edition was a "real" news show. We made Dawson's Creek look like 60 Minutes. We engaged in rampant guesswork, wild speculation, and pure fabrication for the entertainment of our viewers. Sure, everything here was "inspired by actual events," but so was Amityville II: The Possession. So lighten up.

Site best viewed with a sense of humor. AtAT is not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Keep hands inside car at all times. The drinking of beverages while watching AtAT is strongly discouraged; AtAT is not responsible for damage, discomfort, or staining caused by spit-takes or "nosers."

Everything you see here that isn't attributed to other parties is copyright ©,1997-2024 J. Miller and may not be reproduced or rebroadcast without his explicit consent (or possibly the express written consent of Major League Baseball, but we doubt it).