For those of you still trying to coax some semblance of sense from the Expo keynote's sudden move from Tuesday, January 8th to Monday the 7th, we've got a little more info for you-- but be warned: all it does is muddy the waters even more. We thought we'd hit upon an obvious explanation yesterday when we noticed that by announcing a slew of new products the day before the show floor opened, Apple could do away with various costly and draconian security measures, because all that secret new gear would no longer be secret once Steve had elicited his share of gasps of surprise and delight from the crowd. In other words, why pay for an elite team of snoop-shooting snipers to guard the booth set-up (especially in this economy) when the simple act of holding the keynote a day earlier renders the whole concept of gun-toting booth guards obsolete? Makes perfect sense, right?

There's just one little problem with that theory: Apple still has to set up its booth under intense security against prying eyes-- it just has to do it a day earlier. See, a few AtAT viewers who just happen to be members of the Legitimate Press™ tipped us off to the fact that Apple is planning on letting reporters and analysts into its booth on Monday after the keynote, a full day before the unwashed masses will be admitted. That means that Apple won't be saving a dime from the quarterly sniper budget, because the booth will still need to be packed full of secret goodies before Steve drops his bombshells. So scratch that theory.

If you were banking on the rather pedestrian explanation that the conference organizers mandated the date change to resolve a simple scheduling conflict or something, you can toss that idea out the window as well: MacMinute reports that the move to Monday "was a decision made solely by Apple and Jobs himself, with little input from IDG World Expo." When you think about it, that's hardly surprising, since IDG is probably none too pleased with fielding complaints from dozens of Expo-bound grumps who now have to reschedule flights and extend hotel stays at great personal expense in order to catch the earlybird keynote. Apparently IDG is also frantically trying to reschedule several Power Tools Conferences whose original time slots now overlap Steve's RDF-o-rama. That can't be a lot of fun.

As you can see, there are no easy answers to explain Apple's insistence on moving the keynote up a day. So, in light of all this uncertainty, we have decided to adopt the following as our official explanation for the one-day move: Steve had profound religious objections to delivering a keynote address on the sacrosanct occasion of Elvis's birthday. Ta-daa!! Mystery solved.

'Tis a sad day, indeed, for "Redmond Justice" has finally wound to a close. That news may come as a shock to those of you who have been following the antitrust action from the very beginning, because you probably thought that a federal judge still needs to approve the proposed settlement between Microsoft and the Justice Department before the case can officially be considered over and done with. We thought that, too, but evidently we were wrong-- at least, if Microsoft's latest actions are any indication.

See, faithful viewer chollyhead noticed a CNET article which reports that Microsoft has already gone ahead and named two "compliance officers" responsible for ensuring that the company sticks to the behavioral changes outlined in the consent decree. That'd be the new consent decree, mind you, as opposed to that old one from '95 which Microsoft treated with as much respect as it would a used Kleenex facial tissue. But hey, this time will obviously be different-- these two compliance officers will make sure of that! Especially since one of them is already on the Microsoft payroll in the company's "Law and Corporate Affairs antitrust practice group." (Way to inspire confidence...)

Now, clearly Microsoft wouldn't jump the gun and appoint compliance officers before the settlement was even approved, right? As Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer himself stated, "As a major employer and a leader in our industry, we take our legal obligations very seriously." Therefore, the company would never try to influence a judge to approve a proposed settlement by enacting the restrictions in said settlement before it's been given the go-ahead. No sirree Bob. Apparently all that stuff we heard about a sixty-day period of public comment followed by another thirty days of Justice Department response before the judge even has the option of approving the settlement was just a hoax.

Then again, if Microsoft is enacting compliance months before the settlement is even approved, we can only hope that the judge isn't naïve enough to fall for a blatantly transparent "we'll be good little boys" act. As faithful viewer Jonathan Fletcher pointed out, the Senate Judiciary Committee is pretty skeptical about the settlement proposal, at least according to the New York Times, so here's hoping that people in general aren't really as painfully stupid as Microsoft seems to think they are.

As for those nine states still pushing for tougher (read: "actual") penalties, check out The Register's commentary on Microsoft's ranting attempt to get the judge to force them to accept the settlement as it's currently worded-- it's worth a giggle. And here's hoping that Microsoft's voluntary early compliance with the as-yet-unapproved consent decree only shows the judge just how ineffectual those "remedies" will be before she actually accepts or rejects it...

Finally, we have definitive and undeniable proof that Apple will dramatically alter the iMac's industrial design next month! "So just what is this proof," we hear you ask; "is it a batch of blurry spy photos hurriedly snapped by an Apple employee with a Jobsian death wish?" Better. "Is it a PDF of the new iMac brochure, smuggled out of Apple's ad agency?" Better. Ready for this? All other "evidence" pales in comparison when viewed alongside the ultimate indication of imminent new iMacage: telltale exercise equipment.

Check it out; faithful viewer relewis stumbled upon the BBJ-850 Magnetic Resistance Recumbent Bike by Body By Jake and immediately recognized the product's importance in verifying that LCD iMacs are mere weeks away from release. A quick glance at a high-res photo of the device proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the BBJ-850 incorporates the existing iMac chassis as a fundamental and prominent component in the system's overall design. Those contours... that translucency... that two-tone color scheme. It's unmistakable, all right.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on here. In light of the new iMac's imminent debut, Apple was obviously looking to dump its remaining supply of iMac enclosures as quickly as possible, and Body By Jake was willing to pick them up cheap to use in the construction of their latest exercise bike. In addition to purchasing Apple's remaining stock of Indigo and Graphite chassis, we note that they managed to snag a warehouse or two full of Tangerine and original Bondi Blue models, as well-- at least, judging by the fact that the BBJ-850 is available in "Blue, Smoke, Orange, and Teal."

We should probably also point out that the BBJ-850 lists a "New Flat Screen Style Monitor" among its features (we surmise that it's the thing poking out of the top of the iMac's case in the picture), so in a way we suppose that the first flat-screen iMac came not from Apple, but from Body By Jake-- a company apparently more technically advanced than our friends in Cupertino. Then again, that fact becomes obvious when you consider that the BBJ-850 is only $399.99 and also includes "Foot Pedal Straps"-- a feature we've missed on the iMac since the first ones rolled off the line over three years ago. Look out, Apple; you've got some serious competition in the home exercise market!