Wow, folks, plenty of you are probably already so aware of this fact that you're gnawing off your own limbs in sheer boredom, but just in case you haven't noticed, there is nothing going on out there in Macville. Nada. Needless to say, this makes for one incredibly lame framework upon which to build an imposing tower of melodrama, and we, for one, aren't terribly pleased about it. Heck, if AtAT actually netted us enough cash to qualify as an "endeavor" instead of as a years-long partially-subsidized psychological study of the effects of extended periods of obsessive behavior and sleep deprivation, we'd go so far as to say that this disturbing lack of Mactivity is messing with our livelihood. Instead, we'll stretch it just a bit and say that this disturbing lack of Mactivity is messing with our flighty dilettantism. And we all know how painful that can be, right, kids?

We'd assume that the whole community is holding its breath until Uncle Steve struts his stuff onstage in Tokyo tomorrow morning (well, tonight, actually, allowing for the time difference), but after Apple went out of its way last month to tell the fans not to expect "any new CPUs at Macworld Tokyo," even the staunchest Mac optimists probably aren't looking forward to any earth-shattering news from Jobs-San. If Apple isn't going to announce any new Macs, there's absolutely nothing for any of us to get excited about, except for maybe the introduction of new or updated iApps, the long-awaited iPod revision, new flat-panel displays, word of a buyout by Disney, the revelation that Phil Schiller is really an elaborate Muppet... well, okay, never mind-- there's actually plenty of potential for a rip-roaring show full of thrills and spills.

And get this: despite Apple's attempts to downplay the product-intro significance of the imminent Stevenote, there's clearly something spiffy preparing for take-off, because faithful viewer David H. Dennis notes that Wired has "exclusive spy photos" of "a pair of large and mysteriously shrouded booths in Apple's display area." Said booths are reportedly "draped in thick black curtains" on all sides and even on top; they're being watched at all times by "a pair of uniformed guards" who are denying access to anyone without a "special Apple badge." Another guard stood watch over a "large metal box on wheels... with a prominent red sticker that said, 'Apple Booth: Secret.'" (Mmmmm, subtle.)

What's more, unsubstantiated reports have trickled in that Apple's own retail stores have been receiving shipments of something too secret to reveal to customers or even to the employees themselves. So it sure looks like we're going to be getting something new, product-wise, between Steve's sips of bottled water. As for what that "something" might be, your guess is as good as ours. Actually, come to think of it, your guess is probably better than ours; upon reading Wired's description of a "fluorescent glow" coming from behind those black curtains, you probably started thinking about something like a new Cinema Display, whereas our heads were dancing with visions of a line of Apple-branded glow-in-the-dark office supplies. But all we know for sure is that at least we'll have something to write about tomorrow.

Not that this will come as any particular surprise to anyone who's been following the pod-person-like assimilation of ZDNet's David Coursey back into the Mac camp, but faithful viewer Campainger tipped us off to the man's penultimate installment in his "month with a Mac" series (extended to six weeks because of, ahem, "illness"). Guess what? It's positively dripping with kudos from the self-described Windows fan-- so be sure to read it over the sink, because we all know how tough it can be to get kudos stains out of the carpet.

Normally we'd play up the angle that Steve Jobs has a spaceborne Reality Distortion Concentrator Unit locked in geosynchronous orbit over Coursey's house (trust us-- he does), but seeing as this article is about iMovie, Steve could just as easily have left that puppy switched off and gotten the same exact results. A couple of hours alone with a DV camcorder and a Mac running iMovie would prompt anyone with two neurons to rub together to reach the same exact conclusion as Coursey did: "if you're buying a computer to make digital home movies, buy a Mac."

Coursey's epiphanic iMovie experience will sound all too familiar to you if you've read any of the zillion other iMovie reviews in which the author waxes poetic about producing a polished and professional-looking edited video clip from a mess of raw footage, often without ever needing to consult the online help. All the usual elements are there: the real-time camera control and importing of the footage; the easy-as-pie sequencing of the resulting clips (although Coursey admits to having consulted the tutorial at this point because he couldn't figure out how to trim unwanted footage); the simple addition of transitions and titles; the export to an emailable QuickTime file; even the burning of the movie in iDVD. Why, the review is almost Hollywoodesque in its formulaic structure. Hey, iMovie did make Coursey into a Spielberg in just one hour! Or at least into a Joel Schumacher.

Of course, gushing reviews of Apple products are one area in which formula makes us rejoice instead of cringe. And really, does anyone expect a lousy iMovie review from a longtime Windows user, given the state of Microsoft's alternative? Coursey briefly mentions Windows XP's "Windows Movie Maker" at the end of the article, merely to note that it "just doesn't do what iMovie does." We wish he had taken some time to elaborate; we fully admit that we haven't messed with Windows Movie Maker (what, do we look like masochists, so this is just hearsay at this point, but we've been told that it doesn't allow lossless editing, it makes the user jump through hoops just to add titles or transitions, and it won't even export the finished project back out to the camera-- it only saves in .wmv format. After using the alternative, iMovie must look like the Consumer Video Application of the Gods. Hey, we think we've just stumbled upon the title of Schumacher's next project!

Just a quickie to round out today's utter lack of material: we were all set to start fabricating rumors about a jetlagged and buck-naked Steve Jobs running amuck in downtown Tokyo and spraying random pedestrians with Hai Karate when faithful viewer Lisa Boucher came to our rescue. Lisa was apparently flipping through a catalog that arrived with the day's allotment of junk mail (you remember that stuff; it's like spam, only it comes in physical paper form and usually doesn't offer you access to the world's largest collection of pictures of naked celebrities-- or if yours does, we're clearly on all the wrong mailing lists) when she noticed an iMacalike product we'd somehow never encountered before. Friends, Romans, countrymen, we give you... the Instant Cabana.

Yes, it's basically a giant taco-shaped classic Blueberry iMac that you can climb inside-- albeit one with a number of improvements over Apple's original model. Forget about "out of the box and onto the Internet in less than ten minutes"-- this sucker "assembles in just three seconds." (Step three? Heck, this thing doesn't even have a step two.) Furthermore, it weighs just five pounds-- that's only about as much as a twelve-inch iBook. And as far as we know, in its entire product history, no iteration of the iMac has ever provided "UV protection for three people" or offered "a private changing room." Best of all, it's a fraction of even the cheapest iMac's price: just $99.95, though you'll have to pay for an oversized shipment.

Granted, there are a few drawbacks to choosing an Instant Cabana over an iMac; as far as we can make out, the iCabana has significantly less RAM and disk space (0 MB; 0 GB), a much slower processor speed (0 MHz), and appears to lack both USB and FireWire ports, making it staggeringly unsuitable for use as a Digital Hub. On the other hand, the iMac boasts neither a tear-resistant floor nor over twenty-eight square feet of shade. So if you're in the market for a blue and white lumpy-looking thing, your choice is really going to depend on whether you're planning to surf the 'net and manage your digital media or change clothes on a public beach. Choose wisely; nothing's worse than getting arrested for public indecency because your iMac didn't offer sufficient coverage while you were changing into your swimsuit. (Trust us on this one.)