We know what you've been thinking: that your life is empty. Meaningless. Utterly devoid of purpose. We are each of us alone in an uncaring, unfeeling universe in which there is no rhyme or reason, no supreme force of moral guidance, no cosmic fount of unconditional love. Life contains no patterns save those that we ourselves impose on it-- and in the end those patterns, too, mean nothing. We may as well all kill each other in an act of equal parts ennui and despair, for to live in a universe without meaning is to live not at all.

What? You were actually just wondering when iSync 1.1 would finally be released? Sorry, we misread you slightly, but it's an honest mistake; studies have shown that oppressive feelings of existential angst are biochemically indistinguishable from uncertainty about minor Apple software updates. (Turns out that half the pale, unkempt people dressed all in black and shuffling aimlessly from coffeehouse to coffeehouse aren't suicidal, they're just waiting for the next iCal bugfix release.) Well, good news on the iSync front, at least: Apple's issued a press release announcing version 1.1's immediate availability. Download, install, go nuts.

So what does 1.1 bring, you ask? Mostly support for more phones, including a few non-Bluetooth ones. And if you've got a .Mac account, you'll be able to sync your Safari bookmarks between systems, as well as your Address Book and iCal data. We must say, the bookmark-syncing feature would have taken us completely by surprise-- if not for the fact that every other time we tried to bookmark something over the past several weeks we've had to click away an erroneous error (ah, what poetry) informing us that iSync was currently updating our bookmarks. Kinda ruined the "ooooh, aaaah" effect. Still, this looks like a release with a few nifty new features (a person's Address Book photo appearing on a supported phone's screen when he or she calls, for example), and at the very least now people will stop mistaking you for a beatnik with a death wish.

But wait, there's more! If you're totally indifferent to iSync but eat, sleep, drink, and breathe QuickTime (ewwww, that can't be good for you), you'll be pleased to know that Apple has also announced the immediate availability of QuickTime 6.3, which brings support for the 3GPP standard. Okay, everyone, all together, now: "WHAT IS THE 3GPP STANDARD, AND HOW DOES IT AFFECT ME?" Well, 3GPP support will apparently allow the delivery of QuickTime content on supported mobile phones, thus paving the way for a Golden Age of Phone Porn. Really, who wouldn't be excited? (If the prospect of mobile phone video doesn't spin your propeller, QuickTime 6.3 also improves DV video and audio synchronization; better supports Keynote, iMovie, and iDVD; and allegedly provides a "more reliable streaming experience." Gol-ly.)

So to recap, yeah, apparently it's Mobile Phone Day on the Apple software updates calendar. Geez, we completely forgot to send them a card, too. Still, the delivery of a couple of new software updates at least has us secure in the knowledge that all's right with the universe.

Remember when we referred to the latest of Apple's sixty trillion design awards, due largely to the endeavors of design guru Jonathan "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Tasteful" Ive? Well, it's been minutes since Apple won that thing, so clearly it's time for another one-- except this one's just a teensy bit different: it's not for Apple, but actually for Mr. Ive himself. Get this: the guy's been named "Designer of the Year." No foolin'! According to BBC News, Jon-Jon has been identified by London's Design Museum as "the UK designer that made the biggest contribution to design in the past year." Woo-hoo! Props for the brain behind the beauty.

The article includes a couple of obligatory Ive factbites, like the way he consulted candy makers when designing the iMac's translucent colored shell and came up with the design for Apple's Pro Mouse by looking at a drop of water-- and while it does note in passing that, before coming to Apple, Ive designed washbasins (we call 'em "sinks" this side of the pond), it neglects to mention that, had Microsoft gone ahead with the ill-conceived public health hazard known as the iLoo, Apple could have spanked that product halfway to Belize, because Ive once designed toilets, too. A guy who can design computers and toilets? Now that there is what we call a Renaissance Man. Because lots of people designed computers and toilets during the Renaissance.

Not that this award comes as any real surprise, of course, because Ive just oozes style. It's actually kind of a problem; we hear he oozed it all over the couch at Steve's "Six Feet Under" finale party over the weekend. It's apparently a glandular condition-- but what a glandular condition it is! What's a few upholstery cleaning bills to a man who just scored £25,000? That's right, kids, twenty-five large-- and in British pounds, which is equivalent to over forty grand in real money. (Ha, ha! Just a joke, foreign friends! Please don't hit us!)

So, big fat congrats to Jon Ive, the man responsible for classing up our joint simply by ensuring that the computers we buy anyway just happen to double as high art. And we're not just saying that in hopes that he cuts us in on that sweet, sweet Designer of the Year monetary action. Really! Heck, if we really wanted the cash, we could just blackmail him with the knowledge that in his youth he designed the Booger Hollow Double Decker Outhouse under a pseudonym and-- uh, we've said too much already...

Okay, so this is a little late, and possibly more than a little off-topic, but we just can't let this one go without comment: faithful viewer Mike D reminded us that CNET recently discussed Microsoft's stated plan of "phasing out standalone versions of its Internet Explorer web browser" and instead developing it further only "as part of the OS." This isn't speculation, folks; Microsoft's IE program manager Brian Countryman said as much in an interview a few weeks back, which is available for your head-shaking, disbelieving pleasure on Microsoft's own web site. To which we can only reply, "Justice Department? What's that?"

Yup, it's great to know that after five years of antitrust courtroom drama primarily spurred by Microsoft's anticompetitive bundling of Internet Explorer with Windows in a transparent attempt to vaporize Netscape, the U.S. and all but two states have settled, AOL appears to be on the verge of pulling the plug on Netscape, and Microsoft gets to tie the browser even tighter to its operating system. Which all goes to show that justice ain't just blind; it's apparently also deaf, mute, stupid, comatose, and dead.

But to bring a little obligatory relevance to this scene, we can't help but notice that Internet Explorer for the Mac is kindasorta not part of Mac OS 9 or Mac OS X. So, uh, what happens to IE on the Mac? Somehow we doubt that Microsoft plans on integrating it with our operating systems. More than likely this is just a case of Microsoft's left and right hands not knowing what its middle six hands are doing, and ol' Brian wasn't even thinking about the Mac version when he spoke. But what if "no more standalone versions" really does mean no more Mac versions? 'Cause we've been hearing rumors about the elimination of Mac IE for the better part of a year, now. Suddenly Safari's raison d'être becomes a lot clearer...

Personally, if IE disappeared overnight, we'd probably dance a little jig and break into the celebratory Tater Tots. We hate trying to support this mess. Our latest pet peeve is its complete inability to handle PNG graphics, unlike just about every other browser on the planet. (The Mac version at least tries, although it still screws up alpha transparency in PNG-backgrounded table cells.) We noticed that someone at the interview asked Brian "When will IE get transparent PNG support?" Brian's reply? "I'm sorry, I can't answer that question for you." Yyyyyyeah.

Ah, the joys of monopoly life: customers have been begging Microsoft for PNG support for four years, but the company has absolutely zero reason to bother implementing it, since its customers are just going to use the product regardless. Long live Safari, long live OmniWeb, long live just about any browser made by anyone who actually cares. Or, indeed, needs to.