Revelation time! While AtAT's primary demographic is plenty old enough to understand all this already, we do occasionally get feedback from viewers as young as ten or eleven; if you've been around the block a few times in this crazy ol' world, what we're about to tell you won't come as any particular surprise, but circumstances warrant that we take this time to inform our younger and more fresh-faced viewers about some basic facts of life. No, this has nothing to do with birds and/or bees. Go pester mom and dad. Or better yet, just watch Showtime or go learn it on the street like the rest of us. What we're about to teach you is the true reason why Macintosh market share currently hovers in the 3% range.

Ready?

People are stupid.

Yes, it's true, kids: the vast majority of the population is brick-stupid, and the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be. (We can discuss this freely here, because AtAT viewers are highly intelligent individuals almost by definition, so we know that you're not stupid. But almost everyone else is.) Actually, "stupid" might not be the mot juste here; perhaps "congenitally credulous" might be a more appropriate phrase. In other words, there's a sucker born every minute, and nowhere is that made more clear than in Cheskin and Fitch:Worldwide's latest report, "Fast, Focused & Fertile: the Innovation Evolution," which examines the state of innovation in business today. (Faithful viewer Oliver was the first to point it out.)

If you're not up for downloading and perusing the full 35-page report, the company's press release contains enough data to support the thrust of our argument: "Microsoft was cited most frequently as one of today's most innovative companies (137 mentions) in unaided open-ended responses, followed by Dell (47 mentions), Apple (40 mentions)." (Incidentally, the press release gives Microsoft 137 mentions while the report says 135, but why split hairs? It's not like these people are in the business of looking intelligent or anything.)

Apply a little simple-minded math-- the only kind appropriate here-- and you'll find that not only is Apple considered less innovative than Dell, but it's also perceived to be less than a third as innovative as Microsoft. More from the report itself: "Microsoft specifically is credited for its consistent push to innovate." Pass the crack pipe, Larry! "Executives admired Dell's ability to expand its product offerings and aggressive pricing position, without losing its entrepreneurial values." Ahhh, so "cheap" is synonymous with "innovative." At least "Apple rose to the top on its courage and imagination."

And just whose opinions are represented in this report, you ask? None other than "544 executives with senior decision-making authority"-- in other words, the very suits that decide where their companies will be buying their next 3000 laptops. Is it any wonder that Apple has such a tough time cracking the enterprise market? But wait, it gets better! Apparently a hefty chunk of these decision-making suits slobbering all over themselves to praise the "innovation" of Microsoft and Dell have never heard of a dictionary; fewer than one in twenty bothered to consult Merriam-Webster to notice that "innovation" is "the introduction of something new" or "a new idea, method, or device": "Very few associated innovation with a more like term such as 'discovery' or 'revolution' which garnered less than 5% response from those surveyed."

Meanwhile, "over a quarter (26%) of companies define innovation as a solution: identifying and addressing the unmet needs of consumers." Our high school English teacher is spinning in her grave, and she's not even dead yet. She actually bought a plot, dug it up, climbed inside, and is spinning like a top even as we speak. Sigh. It's bad enough that the suits have fallen for the Microsoft/Dell innohype, but to think that one in four thinks that "innovation" means "solution"? Maybe "stupid" was the right word after all.

With the iPod now well into its third generation, scads of Apple-watchers are wondering just what sort of spiffy new features Apple has up its sleeve to keep future versions of the market's leading digital audio player fresh and crispy. Will integration with other iLife applications eventually allow us to view photos and video on our 'Pods? (Steve says no, but hope springs eternal.) Will they incorporate mobile phone technology so we can place and answer calls without switching earbuds? And the biggest question of all, the issue on everyone's mind today: will they dispense Pez? Why, the possibilities seem endless (and occasionally kinda dumb).

Well, the message from AppleInsider is not to go thinking too far afield when it comes to future iPod feature sets. "The iPod has become a brand and will not stray from its roots," claims AI's source-- meaning that its "primary focus will remain strictly on music." If that's true, then apparently we can forget all about extraneous goofiness like video, photography, and tart but tasty little pellets of colored sugar; the iPod is sticking entirely to distinctly music-related features-- you know, contacts, calendars, Solitaire, that kind of stuff. (The first one to mention "musical 'notes'" gets a smack upside the head.)

The good news is, in order to "retain a fresh stream of ideas" when determining what music-related features should be incorporated into the iPod line, Apple isn't just relying on the notions of its own cloistered think tank; reportedly it's also enlisting the help of real-life members of its key demographic: Stanford students. (Who knew?) So apparently there are some honest-to-goodness 18-to-24-year-olds shaping the future of the iPod, which will emphasize "quality over quantity" and "refinements... to its integrated OS and physical hardware" without simply relying on bigger disks to drive sales. Not that there isn't a market for "20,000 songs in your pocket," but we sense Apple's about to hit the wall on that selling point.

The good news is, while Apple's alleged laserlike focus on music-related features for future iPods may have squelched the hopes of many who envisioned an extension into video and still photography, AtAT's own sources report that the single coolest aspect of next year's 4G iPod has indeed made the cut: the integrated ant farm. Apparently the project leader managed to persuade upper management that it counted as a "visualizer." You should see those suckers fight when they hear Mariah Carey. Brutal stuff.

The eternal debate rages on: will Apple ever be able to shoehorn a G5 into a PowerBook that doesn't require its own attached Frigidaire chest freezer, forklift, and really long extension cord? Time alone will tell, but one thing's for sure: it's not happening at .13 microns, buddy. In order to shrink that beast down to a luggable size and reduce its heat output to a level that doesn't vaporize human flesh, IBM's going to have to think small-- 90 nanometers small.

The good news is, Big Blue is apparently doing just that-- and sooner than we expected. MacRumors references an InfoWorld article which is so dry that it's strong enough for a man but pH-balanced for a woman; there's a lot of stuff about complementary metal-oxide and transistor gates and strained geraniums and field programmable gate arrays and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Whoops, sorry! Dozed off there, just for a second. (Aw nurtz, there's drool on our Monchhichi mouse pad.) Anyway, the only vaguely relevant bit of the InfoWorld story is that IBM is "currently sampling 90 nanometer chips using SOI, and plans to ship those chips in the fourth quarter." And this is coming straight from an IBM spokesperson, not some "source close to the company." Granted, there's no mention of what kind of chip IBM plans to 90-nanometrify and ship by the end of the year, but wouldn't it just be oh-so-splefty if it were a G5? Just think: the higher clock speed and lower power consumption made possible by the 90-nanometer process might bring forth 3 GHz Power Macs well in advance of Steve's 12-month promise, and G5 PowerBooks as early as late winter. (Not that we're holding our breath, of course.)

If you want to get really reckless with the 90-nanometer speculation, MacRumors also has an anonymous and unverified report claiming that Apple is already even now playing with sample G5s running as high as 3.2 GHz at a blistering 71 watts, with 90-nanometer 2.0 GHz chips burning 34 watts as opposed to 57 for today's .13-micron version. That is some seriously wicked improvement. Yeeks, after all those years of Motorola development, we're going to wind up with whiplash...