Sick of seeing Apple's personal computer market share stuck down in the two to three percent range when the numbers come out each quarter? Well, hey, don't pout about it; we have it on good authority that the Mac is about to experience a definite market share increase over the course of the next few years. How do we know? Because Microsoft said so, and no one knows market share like Big Redmond.

No joke! Faithful viewer Sean forwarded us a Macworld UK article which quotes the company's "group marketing manager for home and retail products" (job title continued on business card 2) as saying that the folks at Microsoft "anticipate a growth in Mac sales over the next two to three years" that will result in a market share increase. Redmond's not predicting a return to the double-digit percentages of Apple's heyday, but it does see "the platform as heading in a positive direction," and "the Mac productivity market growing." Which is why Microsoft is continuing development on Mac Office: "Our research shows that half of Mac users use Office, sometimes three or four times a day." Three or four times a day? That sounds low to us. Or are they not counting relaunches when Word crashes every ten minutes?

Whatever. The problem is, there's just one little thing about this oh-so-spiffy public vote of confidence in the Mac's increasing viability: Microsoft lies. A lot. Like, almost constantly. Surely you remember the Redmond Justice trials, right? Microsoft got caught in so many lies the judge was laughing. So we can't help but be just the teensiest bit suspicious that the company's "Hey, the Mac is going to grow by leaps and bounds, tra la la la la" comments are mostly intended as a tactic to be referenced in some upcoming antitrust defense, e.g. "we can't possibly be a monopoly, because look, more and more people are buying Macs, which is why we have to keep developing Mac Office don't you know. Case closed."

But if we were to throw caution to the wind, though, and take Microsoft at its word, you may well wonder why Microsoft would be talking up the Mac's growth potential to the press. It does seem a little odd, doesn't it? Maybe the company's a little off-balance after having lost a trademark infringement suit over the "Microsoft" name against an Australian pillow manufacturer, as faithful viewer bo points out in The Register. Or maybe this is an attempt to show off a "kinder, gentler Microsoft" after recent widespread reports that the company unleashed a horde of toothy lawyers at a 17-year-old kid after trying to stiff him on a fair cost for his domain name a couple of weeks back.

For whatever reason, though, Microsoft said something nice about Apple's market share potential. Mark the calendar; maybe on this date a year from now we can commemorate the occasion with cupcakes or something. And heck, if Microsoft's prediction of increased Mac market share comes to pass, maybe we'll even bust out the sprinkles.

Gee, how very strange; every time we visit the Macworld Expo web site in hopes of finding info about registering as an exhibitor at the upcoming Boston show in July, all we see is information on the San Francisco show that ended two weeks ago. Indeed, the only reference to the Boston gig this summer is a quick location and date on the Future Events page. Now, we've never really bothered checking before, so it's entirely possible that IDG is always this late taking down outdated information ("Excitement and anticipation is building for the SF 2004 event!"). On the other hand, it's also not inconceivable that IDG is desperately clinging to its past and can't bear to face what the future holds-- because so far, it ain't lookin' pretty.

Drama fiends are no doubt well aware of the controversy surrounding the summer show's move back to Boston after a six-year stint in the Big Apple, but here's the quick recap for those in the dark: IDG announces the show's moving back to Boston, Apple announces it won't attend, IDG makes vague threats not to let Apple come to the San Francisco show, Apple laughs a little and decides to reduce its presence in New York as well, IDG gets new management and "reevaluates" the venue switch, IDG somehow decides to move the show to Boston after all, Apple shrugs and says "it's your funeral," and exhibitors stay away in droves. Now them's good eatin'!

Well, with almost six months to go before the Boston show is slated to open, this tussle obviously isn't over just yet-- and Think Secret has a heaping helping of dirt to dish on the subject. As of right now, it seems that both sides have dug in their heels, with an Apple exec having remarked a couple of weeks ago that "there's not a chance in hell we'll change our minds and exhibit in Boston" because "Steve doesn't think it's in Apple's best interest," while IDG allegedly remains "adamant that the Boston show will go ahead as planned, even if it loses money." In other words, this is a big game of chicken with each driver counting on the other to flinch before both die in a fiery cataclysm. Fun fun fun 'til Daddy takes the corporations away. And time's running out, at least for IDG; it can't very well decide in June to move the show back to New York and still have time to pull everything together.

The interesting bit (oh, who are we kidding-- every bit is the interesting bit) is that if the Boston show turns out to be a yawner or it folds due to lack of interest, to Wall Street and the public at large that translates into a dying Mac platform, so Apple really has a lot more to lose than IDG. But as every Steve-watcher knows, the man has a stubborn streak so wide he needs to transport it on special access roads, and you just can't count on him to make rational business decisions when he gets his mind set in stone. If IDG is really counting on him to jerk the wheel and exhibit in Boston after all because it'd be best for Apple, its shareholders, and the Mac platform as a whole, there's a big ol' fireball fixin' to happen. Bring marshmallows; we'll make s'mores.

By the way, if things continue down the path they're on now and the Boston show goes ahead sans Apple, we're willing to do our part to salvage the event. Even with a reduced Apple presence, the general consensus seems to be that last summer's show was a mere shell of its former self mostly because it lacked a Stevenote. Well, we here at the AtAT compound may have no new product announcements, no Reality Distortion Fields, and no public speaking skills whatsoever (plus our names aren't "Steve"), but we do have black mock turtlenecks and a staunchly loyal viewership that could theoretically attract dozens of attendees. Plus, Katie can tap-dance a little and Jack can make his knees crack in an amusing fashion. So IDG, if you're interested in booking an AtATnote, have your people do lunch with our people. Did we mention that Anya has a wide repertoire of silly walks?

Still not convinced that GarageBand is the killer app that'll revolutionize music production for the masses in much the same way that iMovie made desktop video a reality and WYSIWYG and the LaserWriter spawned a zillion homemade newsletters? Personally, we were sold as soon as we noticed that reviewers of the software were posting links to their first songs, which is as powerful a statement about the app's charm, ease-of-use, and downright addictiveness as any five-star review. But if you need more evidence that there's a musical revolution a-brewin' (you incurable skeptic, you), look no further than the MacMinute article pointed out to us by faithful viewer bRaD Weston.

If you happened to catch presidential hopeful Howard Dean's concession speech after the Iowa caucuses on Monday night, you may have noticed that he got a little... well, "enthusiastic" might be the word, although "Ballmeresque" isn't too far off the mark. Simply put, at one point, the guy starting shrieking. And according to the Wall Street Journal, a 29-year-old named Jonathan Barlow fired up GarageBand, imported the Dean shriek, and soon cranked out a lovely techno remix of that proud moment. "It was the first complete thing I did with GarageBand," he says. "It didn't take more than about 15 minutes."

Weirdly enough, though, he's apparently not the only one to have done this: .Mac user "lileks" (reportedly columnist James Lileks of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, whom we know better as the brilliant man behind The Gallery of Regrettable Food) posted his own Mac-mixed interpretation of the Dean exclamation in the Public folder of his iDisk; it's called "Yeagh.mp3," and you can download it via his .Mac HomePage. And, okay, when he made his, James actually used Soundtrack instead of GarageBand, but hey, the principle of Easy Music for the Masses still applies, right? After all, there's no reason James couldn't have used GarageBand if he hadn't already had a copy of Soundtrack handy.

So there you have it: music (such as it is) as timely political and/or cultural commentary, all made possible by GarageBand and Soundtrack. A presidential candidate makes a goofy noise on Monday night; by Thursday morning the Wall Street Journal is linking to two different musical interpretations of the squeal, both made possible by Apple software. If that's not a revolution, what is? Here's hoping Kerry or Edwards burps on camera sometime soon; that'll inspire enough GarageBand compositions for a double-CD compilation album. Do we smell a Grammy? Or did Kerry just have chili for lunch?